Dr G certified psychologist dissection/interview: Savior, Phallus complex, Marriage, non Marriage

Dr G:: interview

Okay, this is a risky interview for both parties. In order to get Dr G to agree to this interview, I actually had to agree to terms in writing – first time.

  • She was guaranteed full final approval of all content and redaction – redaction have been noted.
  • There must be no subsequent disclosure without full consent.
  • Dr G reserved the right to pull the interview at anytime before or after publication.

These terms were completely understandable and fair. The Dr. has a well known practice,  and is taking risk on behalf of contributing to my blog. It might be my undoing, but I immensely appreciate the Dr for her professional, unique and consequential contribution the SSD blog.

SS: Thank you for taking time to do this. Would you please introduce yourself and what you do?


Dr G: Thank you, I can say this is a first for me. I am a wife and mother to three children, two in high school and one just completing her first year of college. I am a board certified couple & family psychologist. in private practice. [redaction]

SS: Did you read anything on my blog before this interview.

Dr G::: All of it.

SS: Uh oh. And your thoughts – why are you doing this interview despite reading “all of it?”

Dr G: Well, it’s an entertainment blog, right? I find it entertaining. I’m not sure if many of those who read the blog meet you first, but that was an interesting factor – this nice unobtrusive gentleman with these sexual admonitions. You make it clear that you speak from a layman’s perspective and, unlike I’ve seen by some others online, you’re discussing and not advising. That said, measured against the cases I’ve treated, I find your anecdotes or “on the ground in the field” research highly plausible. The stories you speak of are either true, or you’re an experienced psychologist or an exceptionally perceptive artist, whichever the case, I’d say there’s value in what you’re saying.

SS: So you don’t find the sexual parts “true to form?”

Dr G.: Therapy usually doesn’t get as sexually explicit, or specific. It’s probably part of what makes your tails interesting, they include the hidden and forbidden parts of the story.

SS: So, you don’t discuss explicit or specific sexual matters with your patients?

Dr G.: Sometimes, but more often the parts that hurt or are problematic are addressed, as opposed to those aspects most provocative and stimulating shall we say. [redaction here]

SS: I gave you the option to do this interview over text if you wanted and you chose to do this in person, why? I’m glad you did BTW, just curious?

Dr G: Primarily to get my little contract signed and felt I would have more control over the publishing, or non-publishing process. Secondarily, I figured we might as well keep it real and here I get to see your collection of musical instruments and your art.

SS: So you read “all of it,” you say, you didn’t read my first publication Dare did you?

Dr G. I said all of it, yes I purchased and read “Dare”

SS: Wow. But, thank you very much for doing so – I would have of course sent you a copy for free – you’ve got a life time membership to the Sinner Saint Diary series now. So, I’m afraid to ask, but based on everything you’ve read – can you give me a non-binding, off the record, off the cuff psychological summary or profile of me?

Dr G. : If I had a month to do so. Kidding. Let’s be clear this is premature, non-professional and as you say “non-binding.” There’s the most obvious, apparent commitment issues. I’ve met you and there’s no perceivable reason other than your psychology why you haven’t married or had more long term relationships. You seem to have a strong desire to rescue, a “savior complex” of sorts. I get the sense that you feel you’ve harmed, or let someone be harmed, and you have a compulsion to undo or make up for it. I suspect your guilt is out of proportion and you’ve judged yourself too severely. Then there’s the “elephant in the room,” a pronounced phallus-related complex. Perhaps you have failed or feel insecure about accomplishing your “saving” people with your mind? Or, have a perception of inadequacy about your intellectual desirability? Or, perhaps you feel inadequate physically, so you compensate through your stories? Could be many reasons, but the fact that your genitalia play such a role, seems a pointer baring a degree of psychological significance.

SS: What an answer, thank you for not giving some safe, “I’d need more info,” answer. I feel dissected and revealed – but I asked for it. So, this penis complex I have, that’s tough love, but fair enough, I’d like to get to the bottom of that. Clinically speaking, would it help narrow down the possible root of the complex if you’d seen my “phallus?”

Dr G: It may have eliminated one or two possibilities, but we could probably  understand the fixation with some discussion.

(It’s’ embarrassing enough to be hearing about this “phallus complex” I supposedly have, not going to give the inadequacy theory any oxygen. Here in the interview I walked over to the kitchen to grab the wine bottle for refills – and briefly flashed my dick to Dr G on the way.)

Dr G.: Okay, new data, what time might be saved if I’d had a photo of certain patients nude. Kidding. Do you not tend to feature your phallus prominently as compared to other aspects in many of your stories, and if so, why do you suppose that is? Aside from the obvious reason.

SS: Simple reasons. One, as told in my stories, my phallus gets mentioned and participates. Two, it turns me on to experience and also write about my phallus getting attention or turning anyone on. Three, I know anatomy is shallow to acknowledge and supposed to be inconsequential, but some situations – some stories – involve the phallus – a few even revolve around it.

Dr G: Perhaps we can describe it as more of a “fetish,” than a “complex?”

SS: You’re the Dr, you tell me.

Dr G:i want to re-read everything in light of new discoveries.

SS: So, couple and family psychology, does that include sex therapy?

Dr G: Yes. I wrote a thesis related to that. [redacted]

SS: Do I need therapy?

Dr G: That depends, do you feel you need it? You seem to be happy and high functioning, but that’s your decision not mine.

SS: Who goes to sex therapy and for what purpose?

Dr G: Often sex therapy is a component of a larger scope of therapy. Or, sex related issues are a symptom, cause or component of a larger scope of treatment. And then there’s cases involving sexual abuse, addiction and dysfunction. Some of your stories are pertinent in that they describe the straightforward facts, without the baggage, of the reality some experience. It’s’ human nature for people to be selective with their truth, and your stories tell the parts that I infer. Not that some who I counsel aren’t open an explicit.

SS: Okay, I know you can’t divulge specific cases, but in general, what are some more common sex related issues that you’ve seen or treated?

Dr G: Infidelity. Sexual dysfunction. Sexual incompatibility or problematic fetishes. Sexual compulsion. Hypersexuality, although I don’t see all hypersexuality as pathological. I’ve seen those who have a clearly deleterious pathology to their sexual compulsions, and those that are like you seem to be, hypersexual, high-libido without derangement or personal distress or impairment in social, occupational or other areas of functioning associated with the frequency and intensity of these sexual fantasies, urges, and behavior. Perhaps, being aware of your “hypersexuality” (if you have such), you deliberately avoided commitment as opposed to committing to someone knowing you would inevitably be unfaithful? If so, I commend you for that, but have you considered any non-traditional options? A partner open to poly-amorous agreement perhaps? I mention this only because I get the sense you are sacrificing much for your nature, for the sake of your integrity. I’ll stop there, you’ll have to be a paying customer to get more.

SS: Well that’s good. You don’t find my “hypersexuality” to be pathological and crazy? That’s a relief. No, I get what you’re saying. I don’t think I’m that hypersexual actually, I’m a normal, healthy guy who likes women and sex, yes. Okay, a little hypersexual yes, but not as much anymore. When I was a teen and in my early to mid 20s it was a different story. There was no pill to calm such a libido. Thank god for my parents and the education they gave me – I’d be dead or in big trouble long before now if they’d not informed me as they had. I’m lucky to be alive and healthy as it were. But, as my stories have or will detail, things were crazy. Would you like to see my “phallus ” erect so you can rule out erectile dysfunction as the reason I have my phallus complex?

Dr G: No, I will completely take your word on that. You’ve proven enough, let’s leave that one for my, and reader, imagination.

SS: So, did Dare or any of my stories turn you on? Did you like them? Or, was it purely a clinical read?

Dr G: I said I found them entertaining. You’re a smart man, I think you can read the subtext in that.

SS: True, the subtext I read was that it turned you on, you masturbated over it, and contributed to the reason you chose to do this interview in person.

Dr G: I won’t confirm or deny that statement.

SS: OMG, you read my blog or my book Dare and actually masturbated during or right after reading?

Dr G: Again, I won’t confirm or deny.

SS: Wow, despite my phallus and savior complex, I encouraged you to get off? Awesome, good to know even Doctors get off.

Dr G: [redacted]

SS: I really hope you don’t cut that out of the interview.

Dr G: 100% I will cut that out of this interview.

SS: damn.

Dr G: Sorry, you agreed to rules. I’d let that stay if not for the obvious identifier.

SS: I know. So, how is your sex life with husband, is it perfect because you’re an expert?

Dr G: of course not, no relationship, marriage or sex life is perfect.

SS: In what ways is it not perfect?

Dr G: We are normal and imperfect as all couples are. We’re in our forties, the Cialis isn’t always effective, he’s overweight and I’ve worked harder to maintain my appearance. However, when I was pregnant and our kids were young, his sexual needs were not met like he’d have liked and yet he stuck in there with me. Marriage is a contract not a perfect solution. We agreed not to quit or leave each other, better or worse.

SS: Well, you’re a woman who stuck by her word, I admire that.

Dr G: Yes I have.

SS: Can we kiss though?

Dr G: Sure.

([redacted description])


I hope everyone enjoyed this one of Kind interview. I cannot thank Dr G enough for participating. Thank You.

Please comment and let me know if you enjoy such content or suggest how I might make this blog more meaningful.

Thank you.

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.

The questions I began this post with quickly gave rise to more questions – too many to tackle at once in a single post. I’ve decided to break it down a bit at a time. This is the first of a half-dozen or so short posts I’ll be writing on the subject.

If there are any reliable statistics on infidelity, this discussion is not based on them. I have read about affairs online – personal accounts of affairs and various articles where therapists and counselors discuss the issue. Other than that, everything I know about infidelity comes from being the “other man” or from friends who have talked to me about their infidelity.

Some of you have experienced infidelity from different angles than I have – perhaps you’ve been married and cheated, or been cheated on, or maybe you’ve thought about it but chose to remain faithful? So, in sharing a few thoughts and experience about infidelity, I’m as much asking some questions and inviting you to share your thoughts and help fill in the discussion with your unique perspectives.

Are people more comfortable with cheating on their spouse than they used to be? If so, is this a good change or bad? Are women more comfortable with cheating than they used to be, or does it just seem so because of some change in my attitude? Are there any universal changes in attitude happening? If so, what impact might that have on society or the nature of the relationships and marriages that we have?

Let’s break it down a bit, one question at a time.

Is cheating less immoral, or immoral at all, if one or both participants don’t view cheating as wrong?

I think participating in marital infidelity is wrong, yet I have have had intimate contact with a number of married women. So, essentially, I have participated in activity that I knew was wrong: I knew things were happening without the knowledge or consent of the husbands, but I participated anyway. Is that not worse, morally, than if I had done so believing that there was nothing wrong with such behavior? Whatever the morality of it, I definitely feel guilt when I’m with a married woman. I’m sure I’d not feel as much guilt if I felt there was nothing wrong with it. And then there is her attitude. In a few cases, a married woman has had no reservations about what she was doing – as far as I could tell she didn’t feel an ounce of guilt about cheating on her husband, at least at the time the shenanigans were happening. Should I have had less to feel guilty about if she thought there was nothing to feel guilty about? Was it less wrong of me to participate? Moral or not, the complexity of questions and issue that surround infidelity make it fascinating – more stimulating even, some might argue. Okay, I don’t know about others, but it’s a turn on for me.

Let’s look at a real world example to see if the answers become more clear. In the not-so-distant past (and by that I mean about three weeks ago) I met some high school teachers at a cool lounge bar not far from my house. There were three of them having a sort of a girls night out. All three were married, and were drinking enough to be Ubering. I was sitting next to them at the bar and was there by myself – an easy target for group amusement (see teasing and flirtatious harassment.). In short, they ended up coming to my house to make a fire – I have a large stone fireplace outside. One of the teachers stayed at my houses after the other two left. Amie was not terribly conflicted about the decision to stay over and mess around with me. I watched her text her husband and tell him she was crashing at her friend’s house. I didn’t pry too deeply into her emotions, but enough to learn that it was her first time cheating. She was the quietest of the three, and while I wouldn’t describe her as aggressive, she was pretty much leading our way into sin, shall we say. If she had been crying or hyperventilating, and all wrapped up with inner conflict about what she was doing, would it have been more reprehensible for me to participate? Would It have been more moral if we just had sex one time and limited it to one position? How about if she enjoyed herself less, would it have not been as bad?

Now, compare that situation with what happened with Jenny, another one of the three friends from that night. Jenny was the best looking of the three and had been the most flirtatious, but had made it clear even before we left the bar that first night, that there’d be no action coming from her direction, ever. Well a couple weeks later some girls in the group went out again. The one I had hooked up with, Amie, joined them for a while and then had to be home for some family function. The other two stayed stayed out later, along with another friend who hadn’t been with them the night of the fire. So, long story short, Jenny, who teaches English, agreed to read Dare – the story I am about to publish. Unlike Amie, Jen was certain that she’d not be unfaithful, and even made me swear never to tell Amie or any of her friends about what happened. So, this brings up more questions.

Was it worse what happened with Jenny – because she felt it was something she shouldn’t do? Does it change anything that once she got to doing what she did, she was much worse (read naughtier) than Amie? It was more exciting for me – was this because it was more forbidden, or more of a challenge, or was it just because of her huge breasts? And, is it just me, or is it more often those who are most reluctant that are the least prudent once they get to it? Could it be that those who think what they are doing is wrong, try harder to make the guilt worth their while? Or, were they more reluctant in the first place, because they know how far they’ll go if they go at all?


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.

Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?

Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity

Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity

Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.

Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?

Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship

Nineteen Things I’ve Learned About It.

1. If it feels good to do – somebody does it.

2. If they’ve been doing it and break a promise not to do it again – they’ll never stop.

3. If they accuse you of doing it, and you’ve never done it, they’re the ones doing it.

4. If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

5. If both of you do it – you’ll do it more often.

6. The more eager you are for them to be doing it, the less they’ll want to.

7. If you resist doing it -they’ll want you to do it even more.

8. If you resist too much, they’ll find another to do it, or do it themselves.

9. If you each do it and never talk about it, then you both know the other is doing it.

10. If they say they didn’t do it, and you didn’t ask if they did, they’re doing it.

11. If a lot are doing it, and nobody’s talking about it -it’s probably really F??k?ng good.

12. If they tell you it’s really good, but they’re not doing it – probably really F??k?ng bad.

13. If doing it is bad for you, it probably feels good to do.

14. If your mother wants you to do it, how good can it feel?

15. If your mother forbids you from doing it – she hasn’t done it.

16. If your mother suggests you don’t do it – she’s tried it.

17. If your mother pretends not to know you’re doing it – she still does it.

18. If you make them stop doing it, they’ll never let you do it.

19. If doing it worked once, it will work again

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