Dildo or Man – and You a T-shirt, What’s Your Pleasure?

No, I’m not going to just give you dick and get you off – masturbation equipment. Why reduce our expectations all the way down to mere matters of friction? I can jack off into my t-shirt and not feel weird after – how absurd it would be to use an entire human being as a cum rage.

You don’t know it yet, but you’ll feel weird to. Maybe you won’t be able to explain, but some part of you will know that you just used a whole man and all his years of living – and all those who have become a part of him, as a dildo for masturbation. And it will get you off as good dildo would – as a good dildo should have. As my t-shirt is about to.

Does there have to be love? Does it have to be serious and complicated? Do we have to be romantic? Not necessarily,  but we’ve got to be more than t-shirts and dildos. The price is high to use a whole life just for getting off – what risk will you wager for the pleasure?


Nope, we don’t have to have love or romance; you can have me for a dark secret and a sin or two.

You will pay in full. No t-shirt has ever seen half the results you’ve come looking for.

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Choose My Next Post: These are Bad – Good kind of Bad; okay, One Might be Bad Bad in a Goodish way.

update: Am hoping for a few more votes on this. Please use the anonymous form below to let me know which topic you prefer. I might add a few more choices – perhaps I’ll add more choices?

I was sitting down to write only to find I have several topics in mind that I cannot choose between.

Please help me decide by anonymously selecting your choice. Given that SSD is still some what of a fledgling, be assured your vote will have great sway and very likely determine the topic.

All votes are absolutely, 100% anonymous and appreciated.

Here are four brief summaries followed by a form to select which topic you are most interested in reading about,

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1. Date Boner episode II

If nothing else, I’ve always had a talent for getting an erection at the most embarrassing, random or inappropriate times. Since I have a few dozen such moments to draw upon, and it’s a relatively fun and easy topic, I am considering making it a series. This episode will tell about a very inappropriate and inopportune boner that happened on a company team-building retreat. The team building including a ropes course and the boner showed up while doing a challenge with – who else? but the bosses wife. Oh yes, she was fully aware of the situation, you won’t believe this calamity.

2. Orgasms this week in hospital basement.

If you like current story, this one is not even a week old. I have hardly spoken to this date I had over a month ago, but was at a farmers market near the hospital she works at on Sunday. I end up taking her lunch that I bought at the market, and three orgasms occurred in the basement where she worked before I left.

3. Open curtain show for neighbor

Yes, if you’ve been reading a while, that neighbor = the one with the home office over her garage in back of my house – with the direct view into my living area when blinds are open. To my surprise a date was amused by the little game the neighbor and I have had going on for a couple years now, and agreed to help me up the ante.

4. How to get a happy ending at Massage Envy.

Yes, blah blah blah, they don’t do that, impossible, that’s ridiculous…. heard it all before. Heard it from people that have worked there even. Fuck you, your wrong, it can happen – you just have to be a master massage receiver as my ex Morgan and I became during our a “study” we did on the matter. The study must be the only one of its kind – you can read about it and results from start to end in Dare II, the next publication of SSD. We both mastered the art of getting happy endings ( well my mastery of this was superior but Morgan’s talent formidable) . Anyway, yes you can get a happy ending at Massage Envy and even more unlikely places: his post will share some fascinating, and possibly useful secrets and techniques, along with one or two of the most interesting happy ending conquests.

See what I mean, good options, right? help me choose and select which of these four topics you wish to be posted next.

Thank you.

Second Half of Ashley Interview – I ought to be charging admission to read this one, wow. Holy freaking wow.

Sinner: Thank you for coming back for more.

Ashley: Thank you for the good wine.

Sinner: Thanks for wearing a skirt.

Ashley: Thank you for lighting candles.

Sinner: Okay! I thought we’d start with this survey I posted on the blog about female masturbation. I’ll show you the page – basically, I listed my predictions and am going to compare them to the survey survey results. Some of the questions refer to husbands, so just give the answers you would given a few years ago while you were still with your husband.

Ashley: Okay.

(I’m going to read/show her the survey on the blog so I don’t’ have to include all the choices here – just going to put the questions with Ashley’s answers.)

Ashley: While Masturbating, I more often …: think about person/persons other than husband/significant other

Ashley: While masturbating I stimulate myself most with: equal amounts of clitoral and vaginal

Ashley: I have a colorful toy (red, pink, purple, etc): Yes

Ashley: When I masturbate I usually…: Give myself multiple orgasms

Ashley: The fantasies I think about while masturbating are more…: Dirty

Ashley: As I’m getting close to orgasm I most often think about…: Specific sex acts

Ashley: The things I think about while masturbating are usually…: Naughtier than what I do with husband/significant other

Ashley: The orgasms I have while masturbating are usually: Stronger than those I have with husband/significant other

Ashley: I masturbate…: More often than I have sex

Sinner: Yea, I was fairly accurate on most of my predictions, but getting killed on “the type of fantasies women have” and what “what they think about close to orgasm.” I wrongly predicted most would say they have abstract and romantic fantasies; so far, like you, the majority say they have dirty fantasies and think about specific, not abstract sex acts.

Ashley: You have no idea (ha ha).

Sinner: True, so tell me then – give me an example of something dirty you’ve thought about while masturbating… you don’t have to tell any specific fantasy – just curious if for you, a “dirty” fantasy means kissing without brushing your teeth, or “dirty” as in “dirty?”

Ashley: No, I’d have to say mine lean towards the “dirty, dirty” side of the spectrum.

Sinner: Now that’s very interesting. Like what, how dirty.

Ashley: Dirtier than I would do in reality, sometimes. Multiple men, stuff like that, it varies.

Sinner: Well, I have just a couple reader questions for you tonight, you ready for one?

Ashley: Sure.

Reader Submitted:After you separated from your husband, did you binge at all sexually while you were rebounding? I married my ex when I was twenty and when I divorced him nineteen years later, I went a bit off the rails.  Just curious if you experienced anything like that. For me, I think I had to prove to myself that I was sexually independent and free again.

Ashley: Good question. In general I have not rebounded in per se, not yet anyway. I should probably stop with that, but I will say that I did go way overboard on one occasion shortly after my husband moved out. It’s probably why I have not done much since. Things got so out of hand one night that I scared myself, as far as what I might do and so forth.

Sinner: Wow. You do understand that now you must tell us what happened, the world cannot continue, for any of us, until we know. I’ll hunger strike, my readers will picket… take your time, I’m going to get some more wine and what not.

Ashley: Oh gosh. Where to begin. Well, I had a friend who I met – our daughters played soccer together, and we became pretty good friends. My husband and I got together with her and her husband a few times, and when things got really bad with my husband, right before he moved out, I leaned on them quite a bit and even stayed with them a few nights after blowups with my husband.

A few weeks after my husband moved out, she convinced me to go out with her and her husband and “have some fun.” We drank way too much. They where living about an hour away at the time, and invited me to stay the night so I’d not have to worry about driving. We were having a good time and dancing, and when we got back to their house, things got really random. Basically, we ended up sleeping together.

Sinner: You fell asleep in their bed, or you mean you had sex with them.

Ashley: I didn’t’ fall asleep in their bed.

Sinner: Oh my god. Did you enjoy it? Have done it again since? So, did her husband fuck you, is that what happened.?

Ashley: I believe I enjoyed it at the time, the parts I remember, but felt embarrassed and regretted it as soon as I sobered up. I’ve spoken to her a few times but haven’t seen them in person since. Yes to the question about her husband.

Sinner: Good lord. So, he fucked you how, and where was she?

Ashley: I believe he was behind me for some of the time,  and she was right there.

Sinner: There, where? What was she doing?

Ashley: Oh gosh. I remember her being in front of me and me going down on her, I don’t remember how long exactly, but it seems like were all doing that for a good while, her in front of me and him doing me from behind that is. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do, get with a woman like that, which tells you how drunk and out of my mind I was.

Sinner: Holy shit, what a story. Well, I think you should enjoy the memory and not feel bad about it, you didn’t do any harm. Was it like an all night love fest, or just sort of happened and then you all passed out? Did you get off on it? Did she go down on you?

Ashley: Not all night, but a few hours probably, I would have never done it had I not been so drunk, but like I said, I believe I enjoyed myself. You think your reader who asked the question was expecting that answer?

Sinner: Who would have expected such an awesome answer. I need a cold shower now, that was hot.

All you guys out there, remember Ashley’s story before leaving your wife or agreeing to a temporary separation, because this is the kind of thing that’s likely to happen if you give your wife a reprieve from the marital contract. I’m not sure I can think of a single woman who did not fuck around and get wild during a marital separation. If you do a trial separation, you might as well just get a divorce unless you can live with your partner having sex with others, because it will happen.

Sinner: So was her husband better than your ex? Hotter? Harder? Bigger? Better? Etc?

Ashley: First, I want to clarify one thing. When this happened, my marriage was over for good, and was never intended to be any kind of temporary separation. Yes to all the questions regarding my friend’s husband.

Sinner: Okay, my last question is a tough one, but I need your complete honesty. Bridging this discussion to the masturbation survey we were talking about, have you thought about fucking this guy – your friend’s husband, while masturbating since it happened?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: More than once?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: A handful of times?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: Great interview. Do you want to kiss or make out now?

Ashley: Yes.

Good night everybody.

Survey to Check my Guesses as to the nature of Female Masturbation

update: 10/4/2017 – thank you to those who have participated so far. I need some more data before the results are solid enough to report on. Please use the form below to anonymously help conclude this study. Thank you so much.

Jump down to Masturbation survey

Wouldn’t we all like to be in any girl’s mind while she masturbates and see what she’s actually imagining? And, what part of the vision does she hang on at the moments her orgasms come to fruition?

And, what about all the other aspects of a woman’s masturbatory process.

Here are my best guesses as to occurrence statistics on several measures relating to the masturbation process and preferences.

People they know vs. Strangers : 15% known people, 85% anonymous strangers

Specific sex acts vs. romantic, abstract scenes: 40% specific sex acts vs 60% abstract scenes

Dirty vs Romantic: 30% Dirty, 70% Romantic

Think about stuff naughtier than with husband: 40% naughtier – 50% not as naughty

Husband vs Some other man: 1% Husband vs 99% some other man

Multiple Orgasms vs Stopping after 1 orgasm: 35% multiple, 65% single

Vibrator/Clit Stimulation vs Dildo/Penetration: 70% clitoral, 30% vaginal/penetration

Bathroom vs Bedroom vs Elsewhere:  15% bathroom, 90% bedroom, 10% elsewhere

Watch porn vs read porn vs no porn: 15% watch porn, 25% read porn/erotica, 60% no porn

Flesh colored toy vs colorful: 10% flesh colored vs 90% purple, red, or other color


Female readers, please answer for yourself using the survey form below – and help us get some actual stats  so we can see just how full of shit the Sinner Saint is with his estimates.

Name is optional** 100% anonymous **  whether you choose to include your username or not, all responses are 100% anonymous and confidential. I will only use each response to calculate totals for each question and no other information will be compiled nor posted. If you wish to be anonymous where even I won’t know who you are, then please feel free to leave the username field empty.


Thank you.
survey

(I will start tabulating the results below as soon as I have received a few. If I receive enough responses to be statistically relevant, I will calculate and post the deviations between my guesses and reader evidence and we’ll see the percent accuracy of my predictions.)

Personal Reader Survey and Request. Don’t be mean, take a damn sexcond & let me know.

Don’t be mean, take this survey. All answers get submitted privately and your answers nor identity will be shared with anyone, not even God.

thank you