Spice it up I: Intro to new series where I suggest naughty things to spice up your sex life.

Have you been married for a while and are bored? Are you dating  and looking for something hot to try that you haven’t? Or, single but want to do something sexy?

In this series I will share a few suggestions per installment. If there seems to be interest, I will keep them coming.


 

Suggestion One: Fuck & Phone

A very easy way to make things hot. You can flip coins if need be, to decide who goes first, and each take a turn. If either of you get off on it, repeat.

On your turn, you choose the person your lover will call and be on the phone with while the both of you fuck. Who the person is will vary significantly for each individual, depending on their sexuality and fetishes

For me, I usually choose someone who my lover would least want to know what was happening, but not someone too inappropriate to be sexy. I’ve tried this having a girlfriend on the phone with, but not limited to, Mother, sister, best friend, boss, ex boyfriend, ex husband, and current husband.

Which got me off the most? Probably current husband, followed by best friend, then ex boyfriend.

Tips: If it is your turn – so your lover is the one on the phone, the objective is to try to make your lover come, or at least turned on, while they attempt to have their phone conversation.

To avoid having your lover quickly and conveniently end the phone conversation as soon as it becomes difficult for them, you might make an agreement as to a penalty for your lover if they end their phone conversation before coming.

Suggestion Two: Jealousy done correctly.

This is a bit risky but extremely arousing. You can trade off turns. Whoever’s turn needs to wait until they are really worked up and near orgasm, then they tell the other, “go.”

When the lover hears “go”, they tell something true, about what they’ve done or something they feel, that will make the other jealous. The person confessing should have thought of and decided upon their confession in advance, so they’re ready to say their confession as soon as they hear “go.”

The same things that cause desire also squelch it. And vice versa. the Idea here is to control the framing of the truth, at the perfect moment to have it framed in the positive – as a turn on. Will get the person listening off harder and perhaps the best way to come clean for the confessor: It is more difficult for someone to condemn you for something after they’ve gotten off over it.

Examples of stuff that confessor can say.: 

  • They had a fantasy about my ex yesterday.
  • They dreamed about fucking their personal trainer.
  • The hot masseuse they had  when when got that massage in Hawaii, went down on them and got them off.
  • Their boss is hot, hard for them to concentrate  on work sometimes.
  • They often think about fucking your friend.

Warning & Disclaimer: This game is risky. If your relationship is fragile, proceed with caution.

One time when  I played this game with a lover, she said:

“I wish (insert here my good friend’s name)  was fucking me right now.”

The worst time ever, my  girlfriend said:
“I had sex with (insert here, the name of her ex roommate who was supposedly never more than just a friend), more than once. Actually, a lot, he was really good at it.”


Obviously, these were  not easy to hear; however, I said go when I was about to come, and the confession became associated with the orgasm that was, at that point, too close to stop. At the same time, my girlfriend had the opportunity to get things out in the open, that she probably wouldn’t have ever confessed otherwise.

It’s safer than asphyxiation, and probably more arousing if you confess the really difficult things.

 

 

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Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans.

We’ve put our discussion down for some time – and now we resume with this tenth installment of the Sinner Saint Diary Cheating series. (links below)

Throughout the series we’ve looked at some destructive situations, shared some marital tragedies, and while some of these stories are in a way quite sexy, most come at a cost.

The Original topic for this installment was be, “Do you spill the beans or not, when you think you find out that your friend’s significant other is cheating: I’ve got a two huge, real life stories about this, that family members and I were caught up in. While the topic has many serious, if not interesting aspects for discussion, it’s not particularly sexy, fun and happy.

So, before we go down deep about cheating, we’re going to ease our way back in and look for a brighter side. I’m wondering where there might be space to play.

“Please, dear lord, I beg you – can we just have a little bit of harmless fun already?’

Looking for fun in grim and unlikely places, is…. Well, not something I’m particularly adverse to.  Let this be our meta-mission: if there are any happy aspects of cheating, perhaps we’ll find them by looking at cheating where it’s left the least damage – or, perhaps where it is no longer cheating at all.

If this sounds a bit familiar, it brings us back to where the series began. On thing this series has made clear, the edges and grey areas are where infidelity – its discussion at least, becomes the most interesting; otherwise, cheating – is fucking – is cheating, sort of – discussion over.

So, here’s the question, again: are there any ways we can play around a bit without feeling too guilty or doing too much damage? If we’re just a tiny bit unfaithful perhaps? Or, by the time we’ve sanitized it to that degree, is it even cheating? Is it worth cheating without any fucking? At what exact point does cheating become just flirting, or more important, where exactly does flirting cross over? I think we should pinpoint that spot and set up camp there.

Are you lost yet? Great, then you have good cause to keep reading. Afterwards,  I might just rename the series to, “The Sinner Saint’s quest to rationalize bad behavior, and reason his way out of hell.” – That is what these topics feel like, but damn it – if that’s a game my subconscious is playing – what can I say, I hope to hell it works.

We’re looking for where cheating is playful and light, so here is a more playful experience that blurred the boundaries without causing catastrophe. I’m interested in your thoughts and comments – would you consider the following situation to be cheating – or just flirting? Also, have you found a boundary? How close to the boundary do you go, or have you gone, and is it a good thing, or wrong?

(I hope you all leave me a really big tip because I had to dig far and deep, go with something nobody has ever known about, to come up with a real life experience on this topic that I’ve not already shared. (p.s. comments and tit flashes are accepted as currency at the SS Diary.)

I’ve never been married, but the following events happened while I was living with a girlfriend – in a monogamous,, semi-long term relationship.

Remembering back, my girlfriend and I, and our friends, did a lot of dancing. It seems strange now, but going to bars or clubs and dancing was routine. Perhaps it still is – I’ve since moved to a different environment… or,  maybe people just don’t dance much when they get old as fossilized sand.

Anyway, if it seems far fetched, trust me – drinking and dancing in packed bars and clubs, with groups of friends on the dance floor, was not fetched far at all, once upon my twenties.

We’d often meet up in groups of up to twenty or so, to drink and dance like this. There was one married couple that my girlfriend and I were particularly fond of.

Now, what happened might  sound subtle or strange, yet, is this not where most of our private or forbidden choices happen? In the dark, unspoken, and known only to ourselves and the one other person in the world who participated?

Both of them were extremely attractive – no doubt my girlfriend would have liked a piece of him. They were also really nice and cool – making them even more attractive. I don’t remember how it started, and to this days we’ve never acknowledged nor spoken a single word about it, but it just kind of evolved: whenever they were around and there was dancing, the wife and I would eventually find close proximity.

We were all big drinkers – no doubt that helped such behavior come about. What I mean is, under the cover of crowd packed dance floors, or dim lit dive bars, we’d always  find our way to the other at some point, dance against each other, and sneak some touches, we were discrete and watchful, acted in-deliberate, yet, the last time I can specifically remember, I actually came in my pants, so, we are not talking about some accidental shoulder grazing here. Not sure if she knew it, that I actually came that time, and I never told her… but, yea, that’s what I mean when I tell you we would dance closely.

This never happened in any other context. There was never any drama nor consequence, and it was really fun. This went on for two years probably. The contact was unquestionably inappropriate, but her and I were the only souls on earth who knew about it.

That is a happy place, right? Perhaps you don’t consider it cheating? When someone has an orgasm, by definition it must be, right?

Please use the comment section liberally, no worries, I bought an endless supply. What is your story? What is your little naughty thing you do that no other soul on earth knows about, that keeps your desire rolling?


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Second Half of Ashley Interview – I ought to be charging admission to read this one, wow. Holy freaking wow.

Sinner: Thank you for coming back for more.

Ashley: Thank you for the good wine.

Sinner: Thanks for wearing a skirt.

Ashley: Thank you for lighting candles.

Sinner: Okay! I thought we’d start with this survey I posted on the blog about female masturbation. I’ll show you the page – basically, I listed my predictions and am going to compare them to the survey survey results. Some of the questions refer to husbands, so just give the answers you would given a few years ago while you were still with your husband.

Ashley: Okay.

(I’m going to read/show her the survey on the blog so I don’t’ have to include all the choices here – just going to put the questions with Ashley’s answers.)

Ashley: While Masturbating, I more often …: think about person/persons other than husband/significant other

Ashley: While masturbating I stimulate myself most with: equal amounts of clitoral and vaginal

Ashley: I have a colorful toy (red, pink, purple, etc): Yes

Ashley: When I masturbate I usually…: Give myself multiple orgasms

Ashley: The fantasies I think about while masturbating are more…: Dirty

Ashley: As I’m getting close to orgasm I most often think about…: Specific sex acts

Ashley: The things I think about while masturbating are usually…: Naughtier than what I do with husband/significant other

Ashley: The orgasms I have while masturbating are usually: Stronger than those I have with husband/significant other

Ashley: I masturbate…: More often than I have sex

Sinner: Yea, I was fairly accurate on most of my predictions, but getting killed on “the type of fantasies women have” and what “what they think about close to orgasm.” I wrongly predicted most would say they have abstract and romantic fantasies; so far, like you, the majority say they have dirty fantasies and think about specific, not abstract sex acts.

Ashley: You have no idea (ha ha).

Sinner: True, so tell me then – give me an example of something dirty you’ve thought about while masturbating… you don’t have to tell any specific fantasy – just curious if for you, a “dirty” fantasy means kissing without brushing your teeth, or “dirty” as in “dirty?”

Ashley: No, I’d have to say mine lean towards the “dirty, dirty” side of the spectrum.

Sinner: Now that’s very interesting. Like what, how dirty.

Ashley: Dirtier than I would do in reality, sometimes. Multiple men, stuff like that, it varies.

Sinner: Well, I have just a couple reader questions for you tonight, you ready for one?

Ashley: Sure.

Reader Submitted:After you separated from your husband, did you binge at all sexually while you were rebounding? I married my ex when I was twenty and when I divorced him nineteen years later, I went a bit off the rails.  Just curious if you experienced anything like that. For me, I think I had to prove to myself that I was sexually independent and free again.

Ashley: Good question. In general I have not rebounded in per se, not yet anyway. I should probably stop with that, but I will say that I did go way overboard on one occasion shortly after my husband moved out. It’s probably why I have not done much since. Things got so out of hand one night that I scared myself, as far as what I might do and so forth.

Sinner: Wow. You do understand that know you must tell us what happened, the world cannot continue, for any of us, until we know. I’ll hunger strike, my readers will picket… take your time, I’m going to get some more wine and what not.

Ashley: Oh gosh. Where to begin. Well, I had a friend who I met – our daughters played soccer together, and we became pretty good friends. My husband and I got together with her and her husband a few times, and when things got really bad with my husband, right before he moved out, I leaned on them quite a bit and even stayed with them a few nights after blowups with my husband.

A few weeks after my husband moved out, she convinced me to go out with her and her husband and “have some fun.” We drank way too much. They where living about an hour away at the time, and invited me to stay the night so I’d not have to worry about driving. We were having a good time and dancing, and when we got back to their house, things got really random. Basically, we ended up sleeping together.

Sinner: You fell asleep in their bed, or you mean you had sex with them.

Ashley: I didn’t’ fall asleep in their bed.

Sinner: Oh my god. Did you enjoy it? Have done it again since? So, did her husband fuck you, is that what happened.?

Ashley: I believe I enjoyed it at the time, the parts I remember, but felt embarrassed and regretted it as soon as I sobered up. I’ve spoken to her a few times but haven’t seen them in person since. Yes to the question about her husband.

Sinner: Good lord. So, he fucked you how, and where was she?

Ashley: I believe he was behind me for some of the time,  and she was right there.

Sinner: There, where? What was she doing?

Ashley: Oh gosh. I remember her being in front of me and me going down on her, I don’t remember how long exactly, but it seems like were all doing that for a good while, her in in front of me and him doing me from behind that is. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do, get with a woman like that, which tells you how drunk and out of my mind I was.

Sinner: Holy shit, what a story. Well, I think you should enjoy the memory and not feel bad about it, you didn’t do any harm. Was it like an all night love fest, or just sort of happened and then you all passed out? Did you get off on it? Did she go down on you?

Ashley: Not all night, but a few hours probably, I would have never done it had I not been so drunk, but like I said, I believe I enjoyed myself. You think your reader who asked the question was expecting that answer?

Sinner: Who would have expected such an awesome answer. I need a cold shower now, that was hot.

All you guys out there, remember Ashley’s story before leaving your wife or agreeing to a temporary separation, because this is the kind of thing that’s likely to happen if you give your wife a reprieve from the marital contract. I’m not sure I can think of a single woman who did not fuck around and get wild during a marital separation. If you do a trial separation, you might as well just get a divorce unless you can live with your partner having sex with others, because it will happen.

Sinner: So was her husband better than your ex? Hotter? Harder? Bigger? Better? Etc?

Ashley: First, I want to clarify one thing. When this happened, my marriage was over for good, and was never intended to be any kind of temporary separation. Yes to all the questions regarding my friend’s husband.

Sinner: Okay, my last question is a tough one, but I need your complete honesty. Bridging this discussion to the masturbation survey we were talking about, have you thought about fucking this guy – your friend’s husband, while masturbating since it happened?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: More than once?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: A handful of times?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: Great interview. Do you want to kiss or make out now?

Ashley: Yes.

Good night everybody.

 

Survey to Check my Guesses as to the nature of Female Masturbation

update: 10/4/2017 – thank you to those who have participated so far. I need some more data before the results are solid enough to report on. Please use the form below to anonymously help conclude this study. Thank you so much.

Jump down to Masturbation survey

Wouldn’t we all like to be in any girl’s mind while she masturbates and see what she’s actually imagining? And, what part of the vision does she hang on at the moments her orgasms come to fruition?

And, what about all the other aspects of a woman’s masturbatory process.

Here are my best guesses as to occurrence statistics on several measures relating to the masturbation process and preferences.

People they know vs. Strangers : 15% known people, 85% anonymous strangers

Specific sex acts vs. romantic, abstract scenes: 40% specific sex acts vs 60% abstract scenes

Dirty vs Romantic: 30% Dirty, 70% Romantic

Think about stuff naughtier than with husband: 40% naughtier – 50% not as naughty

Husband vs Some other man: 1% Husband vs 99% some other man

Multiple Orgasms vs Stopping after 1 orgasm: 35% multiple, 65% single

Vibrator/Clit Stimulation vs Dildo/Penetration: 70% clitoral, 30% vaginal/penetration

Bathroom vs Bedroom vs Elsewhere:  15% bathroom, 90% bedroom, 10% elsewhere

Watch porn vs read porn vs no porn: 15% watch porn, 25% read porn/erotica, 60% no porn

Flesh colored toy vs colorful: 10% flesh colored vs 90% purple, red, or other color


Female readers, please answer for yourself using the survey form below – and help us get some actual stats  so we can see just how full of shit the Sinner Saint is with his estimates.

Name is optional** 100% anonymous **  whether you choose to include your username or not, all responses are 100% anonymous and confidential. I will only use each response to calculate totals for each question and no other information will be compiled nor posted. If you wish to be anonymous where even I won’t know who you are, then please feel free to leave the username field empty.


Thank you.
survey

(I will start tabulating the results below as soon as I have received a few. If I receive enough responses to be statistically relevant, I will calculate and post the deviations between my guesses and reader evidence and we’ll see the percent accuracy of my predictions.)

This is true – to the letter, so it better be hot: last week in Vegas continued…

One thing that is different now, I do less gambling but bet much more. When I was younger, I’d play more games, gamble much later- start much earlier, and usually play until there wasn’t enough left to gamble with.

Now, I don’t waste time on games I don’t want to play – and don’t gamble just to waste time. And, I don’t join a table because hot women are there. I still don’t enjoy gambling sober, but now I’ll pay for a martini or two, and won’t gamble ahead of a buzz. And when I do, I throw it down. It is a losing bet, an unfair deal… and then there’s luck. Why should we project undo requirements of prudence upon behavior that is so favored against us that we must be getting drunk to engage in.

I say fuck it, if I’m going to do something stupid, volunteer for odds against me, make a it a statement; luck doesn’t need time to think things over, I play roulette mainly, and am not a high roller; still, I’ve got over $100 out there on any given role.

I wasn’t winning the first night, but not losing enough to go to bed. Eventually the Irish coffees or tequila shots, put to rest thoughts about going to bed. I think the rest of the family had gone to sleep – the high rollers and my Aunt may have been up gambling somewhere.

I was playing downtown where the casinos are a bit more casual – the minimum stakes more affordable. At this place, the dealers actually take rotations dancing on tables in the pit when they’re not dealing. 100%, look it up. So, many of the dealers had good bodies, – some were clearly not hired for their counting skills: not a problem, I can count.

I cannot recall how many times I’ve tried to score with dealers – too many times. I can recall how many times I succeeded. Zero. Even a few times when I was sure it was a lock – that we were practically soulmates, zero. Unless there is a conspiracy against me, dealers cannot and do not fuck the gamblers; ever. So, I’ve long since stopped bothering.

The dealers were friendly – one of them was particularly fun. I focused on my numbers, yet couldn’t ignore her huge tits and how they came out of her bikini-like top almost to where her nipples had to be but never farther. They were natural, not “Vegas brand” boobs – (yes, relax, it’s trivial but I’m a guy – and for some, these details are interesting)

I’d never heard the name before, “Perlah.” Perlah was in her early thirties and had a very large chest – unlike May, the only other Filipina I’d ever been with, (read my first book Dare for full details on that)
I was sitting in the one seat at every roulette table that’s on the inside of the table, right next to the dealer. This dealer, Perlah, was being flirtatious with the table. I was drinking and concentrating.

A few of the guys at the table were flirting back, one was being obnoxious – he kept trying to grab the dealer’s hand as she waved “no more bets.” Also, he kept trying to “brommunicate” to me how great her tits were. Then my upper arm ran into her tit while I was reaching across to put chips on the number eight – was an innocent accident on both our parts, but the collision was right on the money.

I apologized, of course; she must have noticed I was the more embarrassed about the mishap so she teased me.

“Hey, no hitting on the dealer,” she said.

“No, sorry, not doing that.  I bet it gets really old – I’m sure you have drunk guys hitting on you non-stop – working here.”

“And girls,” she said.

Hmm, that was a fun answer. “Girls?”

“Sometimes.”

“Anyway, when I’m ready to hit on you, I’ll try to choose a tactic other than ramming my elbow into you. I’m kidding, won’t hit on you, you’ve got enough of that to deal with… not that I… you know what I mean.

“See, the handsome guys don’t, unfortunately.”

Polite – patronizing – or, what was she saying, doing exactly? Perhaps my tequila shots were hearing things? But, it’s in my nature to seek clarity:

“Who, I’m handsome?”

“Duh.. no more bets.” She said.

“Careful, I might have another accidental collision with your boob if you keep talking like that.”

“Promise?”

What the fuck, she’s hitting on me now, right? Crazy. I was careful not to ram her boob again, but we kept talking. I told her about the other Filipina I knew, May. I didn’t tell her what happened at the “Dare” party of course, but I did tell her about May’s strict parents, and how shy May was until she’d get a few drinks in her, then not so-shy.  Perlah said it sounded like her, what I was describing about May.

“What, you go from serious casino dealer to nympho after a few drinks?”

“I don’t know, ‘ you’d have to buy me a few drinks to find that one out I guess.”

No she didn’t… what? She’s fucking with me… or, maybe not?

“Okay, now you’re teasing.. and flirting for tips; but, no doubt I’d like to make that experiment happen.

“How rude, I don’t flirt for tips, I flirt for free,” she said.

I was confused, and horny, and … mainly confused, so I let it go.

Perlah rotated to another table and I played for another hour before she returned. While she was gone, I looked around the room to see where she was – a few times; and, one of the times, she noticed and looked back right at me. The look she gave me left me spinning in thought – fantasizing, interpreting…. I didn’t regain full vigilance until Perlah returned to my table.

This time around, we both knew something was happening – subliminally, hyper-hormonal,  she was dealing her table as I was playing, but we were both somewhere else, alone, negotiating.

Still, I wasn’t going to move on this – dealers don’t play – wasn’t going to fall for it.

She told me she was off after the next rotation. Then waited two more rolls before elaborating. “A few of us might go have a drink at the Golden Nugget after we get done if you want to join us. I’m done here in a few minutes and should be over there in about twenty – not sure how long I’ll be there though, have to get home.

I had several questions – didn’t dare ask any.

“Okay,” I said, and found her at the Golden Nugget half hour later. She stood up and gave me a hug – it is farther than I’d ever gotten with any dealer, or pit boss (don’t judge – I’ve seen a few hot pit bosses). She had changed out of her sexy dealer/dancer outfit, into a pants & t-shirt, civilian looking one.

There was one co-worker there with her, who gave me a big, tit-squishing, hug when Perlah introduced me.

“This is the handsome man causing me distraction all night.”

“This is the gorgeous dealer making me not care that I was losing money all night.”

 

Continued – see next post