Young ladies, thank me. These theories might save you from sexless marriage

Common scenarios that lead to extreme dissatisfaction with marital  sex life.

You can find a lot of blogs and discussions – where wives talk of sexless marriages. It’s hard to know how many are in such a marriage  – there may be many who are not bothered by it enough to blog about it.

Obviously sex is important for people – and lack of it can derail a marriage… but..

With all these wives in sexless marriages, it begs the question: are people getting married without a clear idea of what the sex will be like with their spouse?

Sure, sometimes people have health issues that prevent them from performing like they used to  – but I don’t believe sexual dysfunction is to blame in most cases. If not sexual dysfunction, what is it usually?

I don’t think I’ve ever known of anyone suffering through a sexless marriage because the husband was entirely dysfunctional. Less than ideal in various ways but not defunct.

So, what’s the deal with these sexless marriages then?

Every couple’s marriage is unique but I’ve noticed some patterns – perhaps some common paths that tend to lead a wife to a sexless, or sexually insufficient marriage. I gave seen men blogging  about their sexless marriage, I haven’t known any men who were fed up in their sexless marriages, otherwise, I may have included scenarios for men too.

Based on the situations I’ve seen where wives were fed up with their marital sex life, I propose the following theories.

Scenario #1 – Gold digger or Family martyr

Betty picks out and marries a responsible, good provider to have children with and the  sexual compatibility between her and her husband is a low priority concern. He may even be ten years older than her – all the better. The relevance of sexual compatibility is eclipsed by what seems more paramount to successful childbearing.  You can raise children without good sex – but food and shelter – pretty critical.

As the children need her less – and she has to find herself again – she realizes she wants sex; and, she wants it really bad because her sex life hasn’t been anybody’s priority for 15 or twenty years. If her sexual desires aren’t satisfied by her hard working, devoted husband and father of kids for 20 years, she betrays him for doing and being exactly what she married him for doing and being .

Scenario #2 – Horny and popular – marries jock

Wife marries a jock for his looks and perhaps sexual prowess, and doesn’t worry about how smart or responsible he is because she’s not ready to have kids yet anyway; – and, she over-values her guy’s teenage popularity.

(Of course, there are popular, hunks who are intelligent and have good character and families) …

but, those who don’t – who shined early – will likely not age well and become much less desirable before long. Unintelligent people take less care of themselves. If their is family instability and/or psychosis in his history – increases the likelihood of problems. Macho, highs school jocks often go bald in their twenties – do to unbalanced testosterone (that’s why they were young jocks) – they also never shed the cocky notion that wife should feel lucky to be with them – (because back in high school lots of girls had a crush etc.) – He’ll have depression because his HS popularity becomes irrelevant. He’s likely to cheat with girls who might make him feel like the young popular stud he was.

So, unhealthy, bald, possibly cheating, depressed, etc. etc. – if he’s able to fuck the wife after 40 – he’s likely to be such an asshole that she doesn’t feel like fucking him. So, the wife still likes sex as she always did – and if she’s smart,  she’ll probably go find the rich nerd that scenario #1 wife left – teach him how to have great sex; and scenario #1 wife will find #2 wife’s cheater ,ex-football burnout and get off on his big jock dick before the relationship goes nowhere.

Scenario #3 – high sex drive – high access to partners

This one is probably less common – but I find this scenario most interesting and erotic. Usually the wife is very attractive however not always – women don’t have to look like models to find a high availability of agreeable partners.

Sometimes the husband has a supercharged libido too – and they’ll swing or work something out. But, if the husband is just normal, when the opportunity to cheat is hot enough and the risk low enough – most these women will eventually encounter a “worth it” situation.

Women I’ve known like this don’t leave their husbands – don’t even tell him actually. The two I can think of who are not still with their husbands both caught cheating and the the husbands kicked them to the curb. Most are loving wives, but discreetly do stuff to supplement their sex life.

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Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship

Big thanks goes to Magenta for suggestion this  topic. Magenta has a great blog at https://magentaandme.wordpress.com/ – she’s hot too which is bonus.

The situation is not an uncommon – an unanticipated consequence and dilemma for some who planned to just have a one time fling. If we’re going to stray, most of us probably hope it’s good – good enough to be worth the effort and risk at least. But, how many consider what happens if it’s too good? Or, if sex with your significant other seems too bad, in comparison, after? This is no joke – not a far-fetched hypothetical to stir up a topic -this facacta happens. I’ve seen a handful of people run into problems like this: I watched some friends of mine go through the following. Tragically.

Sherry and Doug were yet another couple who got married too soon. They met the first semester of their freshman year, and have been together since. Soon after they graduated they got married, and after five or so years of marriage, what had seemed like a problem free marriage, began changing. Most of us who knew them – envied how united and strong their relationship was – figured they must be one of those few lucky couples who found their soul mate right away and would live happily ever after.

Well, those who have lived a while, know that what we see of people from the outside can be much different than what’s really happening on their inside – no marriages are perfect. As we live, we learn to find things that appear perfect, particularly suspect. Doug and Sherry did have a good relationship, but it was far from perfect – and both had been suppressing resentments. They didn’t want to be a couple with problems – perhaps thought they could ignore their problems away.

People talk about a “seven year itch” that affects some marriages, where after seven years happiness begins to decline and couples get restless. The original seven year itch was literally an skin itch that  would persist for seven years. The modern connotations comes from a move by Marilyn Monroe call “The seven Year Itch.” (this movie, was also where the famous shot came from – of wind blowing Monroe’s skirt up). Anyway, the film suggested that after seven years, men will begin wanting to stray. The movie premiered forever ago; the west has seen the liberation of women since then – so, now, girls too can come down with such an affliction.

I digress.

If you include the four years Doug and Sherry dated in college, they had been together for nine years when things started to look less rosy, and two after that, utter marital catastrophe.

Things got worse. Doug and Sherry would bicker and argue in front of us friends.  Sherry and my girlfriend were long-time friends, and Sherry would confide in her about Doug’s lack of engagement. She’d complain about how infrequent sex was becoming. They’d gone from a few times a week, to once a week, to every couple weeks – supposedly it had been a few months by the time a bunch of us friends went to Puerto Vallarta. Most of our close group of friends went, accept for Doug.

Doug was intent on some golf trip he had planned with his buddies. He opted-in a day or two before the Mexico trip was proposed. He stubbornly refused to back out and come with us to Mexico. Everybody tried to persuade him, especially Sherry – they were fighting for months about it. So, by the time Sherry had arrived in Puerto Vallarta, she’d gone months without sex, been fighting constantly with her husband, and the only one there without her significant other. Let me remind you, this is Fucking Peurto Vallarta we’re talking about, not Tijuana.

It started right away – the first night. We all started drinking by the pool as soon as we arrived. Three guys joined us early on in the evening -two brothers and their friend who owned the time-share. They were from Los Angeles too,  and staying at the same resort, so made some connection – sort of fused groups.

The third guy, the friend,  was a former college baseball player, and good looking – prototypical stud basically. Sherry, being without her other half, was talking to this guy –  by his side all evening. The two of them went off radar around ten o’clock, and we didn’t see her again until morning. Sherry initially told us they were just having a really intense conversation – but actually, the guy fucked her practically all night long. According to all the girls who heard details, the guy was a veritable superstar in bed. Sex with him was  “a life changing experience,” Sherry told my girlfriend.

We were staying all week – Sherry’s fuck machine for three more days.  Sherry was with him every night, all night, until he left. From all accounts, the two spent a ridiculous amount of the time fucking brains – having life changing orgasms and what not.

Here’s where we get to the point, I hope: I am almost certain Sherry didn’t plan to cheat on her husband.  She was very attracted to the  guy – awestruck almost, but going into it I don’t think she had any intention of wrecking or leaving her marriage. The guy was a hot stud and I’m sure she made the call that fucking him, was worth it, and that’s it. Her husband was thousands of miles away, might never know, and she’d have a little revenge as a bonus.

Whatever her true motives were, Sherry couldn’t leave it in Mexico. She wanted to work on her marriage and put super-stud behind her, but in the end couldn’t resist him. It was unfortunate that he lived in the same city – she couldn’t stop. Doug finally found out (not everything) and gave her an ultimatum – never see the guy again or lose her marriage. Sherry  promised Doug she’d never see the guy again, but Doug GPS’d her car and confronted her at the guys house a couple weeks later. He divorced her and that was the end of Doug and Sherry.

What can we learn from this story? That baseball players can fuck like the god of Viagra? Perhaps that Puerto Vallarta is the best place to find life changing sex? Ass sex even?  Yes, apparently she did that too. Whatever went on, she was “sore” in her lady-parts the rest of the week after he left).

There are many obvious things that might go wrong if we cheat- but how many think about what if the other person is too hot and the sex way too good? Perhaps one of the most unexpected problems is one of the more likely things to go wrong?

What are your thoughts. What would you do if in Sherry’s position? Have you been in a position where someone other than your significant other rocks your world much better than your spouse can? Did it cause problems? Even with swingers, couldn’t there be problems  when another person can take a person way beyond where their spouse is able to?


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.

Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?

Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity

Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity

Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.

Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?

Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship