Read prior posts and within comment sections. thank you.
I know you are smart and can be very thoughtful. It seems you are somehow, for some reason, closed minded in your approach.
For example, instead of engaging with me in a process of imagining and creating ourselves, you focus on labeling, defining – diagnosing even.
Being closed to the “creating ourselves” concept would not be so bad if you were open minded about discovering. You cling to a dimension or aspect that you recognize and draw the picture; worse yet, you tend to identify negative patterns much more than positive.
I am not a static being, i am a constantly changing and growing, evolving creation. I believe a relationship should be the same. A good portion of my thoughts and spirit are on “meta” levels. I think about thinking about thinking about sort of thing. i feel about feeling about feeling etc.
What i am saying only matters to us insofar as, if you don’t look – or, if you are only open to seeing what you recognize, then you miss me. And, if you don’t see me, you cannot participate in creating me. And, if not this, and if I’m not doing all the same with you, then there remain’s little of us in the other.
If I can’t more and more see myself in you, or at least my efforts in you, and vice versa, then our connections remain purely transactional. This is shallow to me and I am much greater, i believe you are much greater, and I hoped we could make something greater.
I feel like we are an airplane – but we cannot take off because as soon as you saw wheels you assumed and insisted we were merely a car.
Why do the ones we wish to impress the most, appreciate us the least – and those we desire the most, always desire someone else?
Why do bad suspicions usually turn out to be true – while high hopes so often do not?
Why do they never change for the better – and the more you try to convince them to – the worse they become?
Why are we most attracted to those most unavailable?
Why are the ones who crave sex and like it the naughtiest – always gay or crazy?
Why does the best sex come after the worst fights – and, do the biggest fights come after the worst sex? If so, shouldn’t that lead back around to the best sex again?
Why do we have to run away before they’ll want us – but if it works and they run after us, we no longer want them?
Why is the brother or sister always hotter than the brother or sister we end up with?
It may not make any difference to you, but I like to keep the door open for everyone to influence the discussion.
Please feel free to anonymously submit your vote regarding tonight’s post.
So many things I could be doing this Friday night, productive or naughty, why have I not invested in a magic eight ball by now? Do they still exist? Horny. Lonely.
So, in the meantime – until I make a decision, I will continue my attempts to bond with you bloggers and readers out there. If you think of all the amazing and talented people that show up around these parts – the possibilities are limitless.
Any effort to communicate and reach out to you all, comes with an inherent possibility of meeting someone or learning something that might profoundly change the course of life, be the key, make all the difference in the world.
There’s a powerful undercurrent of subtext and metaversations happening – even a blog like mine – where for my part I play notes in the more racy and sexual octaves, there’s so much more being discussed: we all know it or we wouldn’t do it.
So, the teacher texted and is going out with the “girls.” Translated, that means she’s got a good excuse to be out late, away from her husband, and can come by and mess around with me.
Or, I could work on the math for a new algorithm I’ve been experimenting with.
I could work on finishing up the next Sinner Saint Diary Volume, or finish up the “Weekend in College,” or “Vegas Trip,” series I’ve been posting.
Or, I might put on a suit and get an Uber – take myself out to dinner.
One thing I won’t do is jack off while trying to decide: ten years ago I might have. Now I know better than to release at the top of the night, what’s left of the motivation and inspiration, what my week hasn’t already consumed,
I do need to do something with the sexual energy – If I cannot apply it all to creating and fucking, I’ll donate what’s left before I go to bed
Cannot remember who was more wrong
Who started it first, do you even know?
Can you hear me calling – screaming
Every minute is a day – a day like forever
Come here before I die thirsting
My soul is in half – My love Come here.
When they haven’t called after a day or a week
When you’re still waiting as a month is approaching
When it’s different this time and you know it’s for good
When you keep loving more and they love you less
When you don’t reach out because they won’t respond
When they need no goodbyes and you can’t say goodbye
When they were your future and want you in their past
When you can’t sleep and you’d rather not wake up
When you don’t know how you’ll be happy without them
When you can no longer get them mad
When who you are stopped being enough
When you feel so alone that you want to throw up
When you can’t imagine forever without them
When you wonder if their love was just imagined
When nobody else will do
When the love of your life no longer wants you
… especially Horses and Dogs. I know – not a profound or useful post – just a simple bit of truth.