Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

If you have read a bit of this blog, you probably know that I’ve accidentally hooked up with a few married people. Shut-up – don’t clear your throat – how rude.

In this episode of our cheating series, I wish to share my experience in order to help not sleep with the wrong married people, if you every accidentally do.

If you have been reading the Sinner Saint Diary for a while, you may have noticed that there are not a lot of re-occurring roles, for the married women I have written about. There’s a reason why this doesn’t happen, I’ve gotten my heart broken and learned a few lessons.

Not to not sleep with 1: Don’t sleep with a married person if they aren’t separated or at least wrapping up a divorce. If you do, make it a one time event: don’t date them or make it a routine. And for God’s sake, don’t fall in love with them.

Yes, I know, you have no interested nor intention of falling in love with a married person – I’ve been there too; funny thing about nature, when people fuck regularly, love happens.

But, it’s different with this person you’ve been seeing, right? Perhaps because…

“They don’t even love their (husband/wife), they just can’t leave yet because (insert reason here – financial, kids, spouse is sick, weather is bad, etc)

“They have not slept with their spouse in years, it is basically a roommate situation…”

“We knew it from the moment we met, we are soul mates and we are meant to be, their marriage is just a temporary obstacle on our road to true love bliss…”

These reasons are compelling, I know because I have bought in to them too. I could have saved some heartache had I known: if a person is ready, able and open –  to giving their heart to you or anyone other than their spouse, they would be gone or in the process of leaving.

Maybe they love you, but if they are not determined to end their marriage, there is likely a reason why – and the same reason will prevent their feelings from outlasting the initial infatuation.

BUT: Should you accidentally sleep with them once, good chance it will be really really great! Unless, they stray from their marriage often – which brings us to the next type of married person not to sleep with.

“But, they have an open marriage, sort of, so what’s the harm? They’re just looking for sex and so am I.”

Who to Not to sleep with 2: Are you looking for a disease? Or, shallow encounters that make you feel like you just used a human being as a masturbation device? or, them you?

If the person and their spouse are both into polyamory or whatever the fuck, perhaps it is better – but then it’s not really cheating; however, if the person is cheating with a variety of people, behind their spouses back, is that what you are looking for? someone dishonest, cheap and unavailable?

reader: Fuck this blog! Like I really need more negativity or lectures about things I shouldn’t be doing. #not, #overit, #lickmeDontpreachme

I think I will unfollow — this bullshit is bringing me down!

Hold on a damn second, I’m not finished, so calm the fuck down. And keep reading.

… Are we calm?

Um, Why are you touching yourself there?

Okay, where was I? Yes, was getting to the “how to not sleep with the right married people section,” happy?

Who is better to not sleep with: The Beluga of married persons to hookup with, are those undergoing a temporary separation: You’ve probably heard me comment on this before – for good reason, there’s only one reason for the “temporary separation” … actually there are two – and both are good news for you:

1. The married person wants to fuck someone else (you) so bad, they incurred the expense and went through the drama to  move out of their damn home.

2. They were not getting any “on the side” before the separation, and won’t be getting any when the separations ends – or else they would not have to move out to “separate.” 

For anyone fooling themselves, who thinks a temporary separation is not so the married person can screw their brains out for a short time without having to account for it, you must be the spouse of one, and it’s better you know the truth.

There is the same danger of falling in love with the separated married person – don’t do it. They are probably even less likely to leave their marriage for you. They’ll rock your world and wreck you – all in a few months time – and by the time you come back to, they’ll be back with their spouse and all but forgotten you.

It is one of those laws of marital nature, if they go through all the trouble of a temporary separation, they are strongly committed. And, they are doing it because they want to fuck, Period!

They will never admit it and will likely take what you do with them to their grave, while their spouse thinks they were reading self help books and focusing on “getting healthy.” 

And now for the very worst and very best married person you should not sleep with…

Worst person to not sleep with: While you avoid sleeping with married people, avoid double the married person who’s been living on their own for any significant amount of time and no divorce papers have been signed.

This situation comes with the most risk and the least reward. There is some reason why divorce still has not happened; it must be a strong reason, or it would have!- How many happy, safe reasons can you think of – as to why a person would live alone for a long time without divorce?

Exactly, it’s creepy. Besides, they’ve had their freedom for a while, and getting a slice is no big thing; they have already been through their fucking-like-a-rabid-teenage-Rabbit-phase.

Perhaps they want your help to extricate them from their abusive husband Guido? or, their borderline psycho wife Haterknifeloveress, how happy would that fun be?

Very Best Person to not ever sleep with: We will end up on an up note and talk about the very best married person to accidentally sleep with…

But first!

I just remembered…

Another consideration: This is a caveat to the best option: While the penultimate accident to fall upon, can be with a person who’s ink is still fresh on the divorce papers – if they were not in favor of ending their marriage, especially if they were cheated on, prepare for tears in place or orgasms.

Why you ask?

Think back to relationships you have ended and those who have ended you. Were you not over the one’s you ended much faster? And, when you’ve been let go, did it not sort of make you want them even more? Their mind will be on them and they don’t want to fuck, if they do it’s stick it to their ex.

But with the non-jilted spouse who just wants out…

Did you ever go to disneyland as a child? Remember the anticipation in the car when the first ride had been spotted? Or, remember what the last hour of class before summer vacation used to feel like – how it seemed to last an eternity? All the energy you felt – perhaps a fog of euphoria – when you  broke free and the limitlessness and freedom of summer began?

Fair enough, you might get the dirtier sex from the separated spouse or the one trapped for life in a sexless marriage. But, you and the the almost unchained, will have hopeful, laughing sex.. and they will soon be available if you accidentally fall head over heals.


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

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Close friendships with someone of the opposite sex – if you don’t fuck them you’ll lose their heart to someone who does.

Happy thesis, right?

I wish it wasn’t so, but if your best friend is the opposite sex don’t kid yourself, unless you are fucking them, they’ll have a new best friend as soon as someone else is.

Which is how it should be –  probably, we should be best friends with our significant others.

Even if you and your once best friend aren’t fucking, so being best friends is no longer practical,  it’s not so bad, you can at least be good, close friends, right?

Wrong.

You might send them a Christmas card, text them a painful “hello, hope you are well”  now and then…

It’s no revelation, we’ve been debating forever, whether guys and girls can be friends, but how often are we honest about the answer to this question?

The honest answer is that men and women can only be friends, independent of significant others, if they are fucking.  And that’s just a maybe. Most of us would probably have a few more active, rewarding friendships if this law-of-nature weren’t in place.

Before you light up my comments with disagreement, let’s  acknowledge the obvious solution: become friends with their lover, and them with yours, and as couples you can have some meaningful friendship experiences – discussions –  with this friend of the opposite sex.

But, you won’t be up late confiding one-on-one, won’t be sharing things nobody else knows, won’t be forging any packs or plans, won’t  be friends independent of the significant others.

I submit to you – the world’s congress of common sense, a proposal, to resolve the question once and for all.

Can a straight man and woman share a close, platonic friendship?

Hell no!

But, if that won’t do, how about this:

Men and women can be close friends,  if neither of them have a significant other,  [OR], they occasionally fuck each other’s brains out, and have done so prior to meeting their significant others.

which happens, never.

which means that,

Men and women cannot be friends.

I see some of you ….

You are scowling, smirking, disgusted that I make such an obtuse, sexist claim.

Bring it! I’m scowling back! Give me one exception? I challenge anyone to submit a single, verifiable instance of a close, long term friendship between a straight man and women, who don’t fuck, and each have significant others.

Whispers to readers: they won’t find one, it doesn’t exist  – is not possible – but, let’s drink wine and watch as they scour.

Now, if we can just settle the nonsense, get over it, and talk about the interesting parts…

Did we all miss the huge, fat, [“FUCKING“] clause of said, proposed resolution?

Let’s talk about that!

 

Top Ten Sex Questions I would ask Me if I was a female blogger interviewing Me.

  1. Who is the this famous person(s) you said you hooked up with?
  2. Where is proof of this big cock that is frequently mentioned in your stories? Photos or it didn’t happen.
  3. Are you independently wealthy – did your family have money, or how have you afforded your “playboy” lifestyle?
  4. Are you really a short, ugly, math geek with a small dick and a gigantic imagination?
  5. With all of this fucking, what diseases have you contracted?
  6. Describe the singularly most arousing experience you’ve ever had?
  7. What’s the most shameful, shocking, kinky, offensive, reprobate thing you’ve ever done sexually?
  8. Do you want to have sex with any of your readers? Who? Or, if not a specific person, describe the type of reader you want to hookup with?
  9. Are you fourteen years old? otherwise, why are you so obsessed with seeing boobs and such? (you ask to see in most every interview)
  10. Do you ever “drop the ball?” Do you really perform like you say? If so, what is it you think makes you so effective? Can you prove all this? How?

 

 

Spice it up I: Intro to new series where I suggest naughty things to spice up your sex life.

Have you been married for a while and are bored? Are you dating  and looking for something hot to try that you haven’t? Or, single but want to do something sexy?

In this series I will share a few suggestions per installment. If there seems to be interest, I will keep them coming.


 

Suggestion One: Fuck & Phone

A very easy way to make things hot. You can flip coins if need be, to decide who goes first, and each take a turn. If either of you get off on it, repeat.

On your turn, you choose the person your lover will call and be on the phone with while the both of you fuck. Who the person is will vary significantly for each individual, depending on their sexuality and fetishes

For me, I usually choose someone who my lover would least want to know what was happening, but not someone too inappropriate to be sexy. I’ve tried this having a girlfriend on the phone with, but not limited to, Mother, sister, best friend, boss, ex boyfriend, ex husband, and current husband.

Which got me off the most? Probably current husband, followed by best friend, then ex boyfriend.

Tips: If it is your turn – so your lover is the one on the phone, the objective is to try to make your lover come, or at least turned on, while they attempt to have their phone conversation.

To avoid having your lover quickly and conveniently end the phone conversation as soon as it becomes difficult for them, you might make an agreement as to a penalty for your lover if they end their phone conversation before coming.

Suggestion Two: Jealousy done correctly.

This is a bit risky but extremely arousing. You can trade off turns. Whoever’s turn needs to wait until they are really worked up and near orgasm, then they tell the other, “go.”

When the lover hears “go”, they tell something true, about what they’ve done or something they feel, that will make the other jealous. The person confessing should have thought of and decided upon their confession in advance, so they’re ready to say their confession as soon as they hear “go.”

The same things that cause desire also squelch it. And vice versa. the Idea here is to control the framing of the truth, at the perfect moment to have it framed in the positive – as a turn on. Will get the person listening off harder and perhaps the best way to come clean for the confessor: It is more difficult for someone to condemn you for something after they’ve gotten off over it.

Examples of stuff that confessor can say.: 

  • They had a fantasy about my ex yesterday.
  • They dreamed about fucking their personal trainer.
  • The hot masseuse they had  when when got that massage in Hawaii, went down on them and got them off.
  • Their boss is hot, hard for them to concentrate  on work sometimes.
  • They often think about fucking your friend.

Warning & Disclaimer: This game is risky. If your relationship is fragile, proceed with caution.

One time when  I played this game with a lover, she said:

“I wish (insert here my good friend’s name)  was fucking me right now.”

The worst time ever, my  girlfriend said:
“I had sex with (insert here, the name of her ex roommate who was supposedly never more than just a friend), more than once. Actually, a lot, he was really good at it.”


Obviously, these were  not easy to hear; however, I said go when I was about to come, and the confession became associated with the orgasm that was, at that point, too close to stop. At the same time, my girlfriend had the opportunity to get things out in the open, that she probably wouldn’t have ever confessed otherwise.

It’s safer than asphyxiation, and probably more arousing if you confess the really difficult things.

 

 

So many things I could be doing this Friday night, productive or naughty, why have I not invested in a magic eight ball by now? Do they still exist? Horny. Lonely.

So, in the meantime – until I make a decision, I will continue my attempts to bond with you bloggers and readers out there. If you think of all the amazing and talented people that show up around these parts – the possibilities are limitless.

Any effort to communicate and reach out to you all, comes with an inherent possibility of meeting someone or learning something that might profoundly change the course of life, be the key, make all the difference in the world.

There’s a powerful undercurrent of subtext and metaversations happening – even a blog like mine – where for my part I play notes in the more racy and sexual octaves, there’s so much more being discussed: we all know it or we wouldn’t do it.

So, the teacher texted and is going out with the “girls.” Translated, that means she’s got a good excuse to be out late, away from her husband, and can come by and mess around with me.

Or, I could work on the math for a new algorithm I’ve been experimenting with.

I could work on finishing up the next Sinner Saint Diary Volume, or finish up the “Weekend in College,” or “Vegas Trip,” series I’ve been posting.

Or, I might put on a suit and get an Uber – take myself out to dinner.

One thing I won’t do is jack off while trying to decide: ten years ago I might have. Now I know better than to release at the top of the night, what’s left of the motivation and inspiration,  what my week hasn’t already consumed,

I do need to do something with the sexual energy – If I cannot apply it all to creating and fucking, I’ll donate what’s left before I go to bed