Close friendships with someone of the opposite sex – if you don’t fuck them you’ll lose their heart to someone who does.

Happy thesis, right?

I wish it wasn’t so, but if your best friend is the opposite sex don’t kid yourself, unless you are fucking them, they’ll have a new best friend as soon as someone else is.

Which is how it should be –  probably, we should be best friends with our significant others.

Even if you and your once best friend aren’t fucking, so being best friends is no longer practical,  it’s not so bad, you can at least be good, close friends, right?

Wrong.

You might send them a Christmas card, text them a painful “hello, hope you are well”  now and then…

It’s no revelation, we’ve been debating forever, whether guys and girls can be friends, but how often are we honest about the answer to this question?

The honest answer is that men and women can only be friends, independent of significant others, if they are fucking.  And that’s just a maybe. Most of us would probably have a few more active, rewarding friendships if this law-of-nature weren’t in place.

Before you light up my comments with disagreement, let’s  acknowledge the obvious solution: become friends with their lover, and them with yours, and as couples you can have some meaningful friendship experiences – discussions –  with this friend of the opposite sex.

But, you won’t be up late confiding one-on-one, won’t be sharing things nobody else knows, won’t be forging any packs or plans, won’t  be friends independent of the significant others.

I submit to you – the world’s congress of common sense, a proposal, to resolve the question once and for all.

Can a straight man and woman share a close, platonic friendship?

Hell no!

But, if that won’t do, how about this:

Men and women can be close friends,  if neither of them have a significant other,  [OR], they occasionally fuck each other’s brains out, and have done so prior to meeting their significant others.

which happens, never.

which means that,

Men and women cannot be friends.

I see some of you ….

You are scowling, smirking, disgusted that I make such an obtuse, sexist claim.

Bring it! I’m scowling back! Give me one exception? I challenge anyone to submit a single, verifiable instance of a close, long term friendship between a straight man and women, who don’t fuck, and each have significant others.

Whispers to readers: they won’t find one, it doesn’t exist  – is not possible – but, let’s drink wine and watch as they scour.

Now, if we can just settle the nonsense, get over it, and talk about the interesting parts…

Did we all miss the huge, fat, [“FUCKING“] clause of said, proposed resolution?

Let’s talk about that!

 

Advertisements

Chuck

(what the dick you let into me did to me)

I love you man you’re a horny Fuck
I married you eight years ago
You let a friend put his dick in me
So you could watch and get off.

I was content with having no other
You compared with the best I’d had
We were fine with what you’ve got
Big enough for what I sought.

I knew it was risky fucking your friend
But we both wanted to spice things up
You said it would be crazy hot to see
Promised no issues with jealousy

So easy would it have been to pass
Our sex was basically problem free
You had to see another bowl in your lane
He bowled all strikes like a champion.

Its not my fault that your friend was huge
And his dick stayed hard for so damn long
Blowing thrice playing me an hour non-stop
He made me come so hard I lost my tongue.

If you wanted to see less
You might have checked first
That he didn’t fuck like a God
Nor have a cock from heaven.

You probably didn’t think it through
And told me you wanted me to enjoy
Said you’d get off if the friend made me come
You’d stroke off a load and all would be done.

I said no thanks, I’d feel like a whore
It’s you and not your friend I adore
What if one time just wasn’t enough
Who next would you be having me fuck?

But you begged and pleaded and wanted it so
We’d fuck once, you’d come – end of the show.
You said you could handle seeing us fuck
And not end up hurt or jealous of Chuck.

Chuck was safe and attractive enough
What the hell, what harm could it do
I wanted to please you and bring you to life
So I agreed to do it and be a good wife.

We should have had rules or contingency plans
And learned much more about this friend of yours
Had we only known chuck would bring what he brought
Would have known we would lose to the game that he’s got.

By the look on your face when he started to grow
I knew you hadn’t planned for a donkey show
Did it also surprise you he could last for so long
or that so much cum came out of his dong?

Was it how hard I came or that it didn’t take long
or that I came more than once that bothered you
Maybe my moans turned this engagement so sour
You came right away and we came for an hour?

Did you want me to tell you I was faking it?
You must know I wish you could fuck like him
Why didn’t you say stop if it bothered you
Once he got me off you and I were through.