Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans.

We’ve put our discussion down for some time – and now we resume with this tenth installment of the Sinner Saint Diary Cheating series. (links below)

Throughout the series we’ve looked at some destructive situations, shared some marital tragedies, and while some of these stories are in a way quite sexy, most come at a cost.

The Original topic for this installment was be, “Do you spill the beans or not, when you think you find out that your friend’s significant other is cheating: I’ve got a two huge, real life stories about this, that family members and I were caught up in. While the topic has many serious, if not interesting aspects for discussion, it’s not particularly sexy, fun and happy.

So, before we go down deep about cheating, we’re going to ease our way back in and look for a brighter side. I’m wondering where there might be space to play.

“Please, dear lord, I beg you – can we just have a little bit of harmless fun already?’

Looking for fun in grim and unlikely places, is…. Well, not something I’m particularly adverse to.  Let this be our meta-mission: if there are any happy aspects of cheating, perhaps we’ll find them by looking at cheating where it’s left the least damage – or, perhaps where it is no longer cheating at all.

If this sounds a bit familiar, it brings us back to where the series began. On thing this series has made clear, the edges and grey areas are where infidelity – its discussion at least, becomes the most interesting; otherwise, cheating – is fucking – is cheating, sort of – discussion over.

So, here’s the question, again: are there any ways we can play around a bit without feeling too guilty or doing too much damage? If we’re just a tiny bit unfaithful perhaps? Or, by the time we’ve sanitized it to that degree, is it even cheating? Is it worth cheating without any fucking? At what exact point does cheating become just flirting, or more important, where exactly does flirting cross over? I think we should pinpoint that spot and set up camp there.

Are you lost yet? Great, then you have good cause to keep reading. Afterwards,  I might just rename the series to, “The Sinner Saint’s quest to rationalize bad behavior, and reason his way out of hell.” – That is what these topics feel like, but damn it – if that’s a game my subconscious is playing – what can I say, I hope to hell it works.

We’re looking for where cheating is playful and light, so here is a more playful experience that blurred the boundaries without causing catastrophe. I’m interested in your thoughts and comments – would you consider the following situation to be cheating – or just flirting? Also, have you found a boundary? How close to the boundary do you go, or have you gone, and is it a good thing, or wrong?

(I hope you all leave me a really big tip because I had to dig far and deep, go with something nobody has ever known about, to come up with a real life experience on this topic that I’ve not already shared. (p.s. comments and tit flashes are accepted as currency at the SS Diary.)

I’ve never been married, but the following events happened while I was living with a girlfriend – in a monogamous,, semi-long term relationship.

Remembering back, my girlfriend and I, and our friends, did a lot of dancing. It seems strange now, but going to bars or clubs and dancing was routine. Perhaps it still is – I’ve since moved to a different environment… or,  maybe people just don’t dance much when they get old as fossilized sand.

Anyway, if it seems far fetched, trust me – drinking and dancing in packed bars and clubs, with groups of friends on the dance floor, was not fetched far at all, once upon my twenties.

We’d often meet up in groups of up to twenty or so, to drink and dance like this. There was one married couple that my girlfriend and I were particularly fond of.

Now, what happened might  sound subtle or strange, yet, is this not where most of our private or forbidden choices happen? In the dark, unspoken, and known only to ourselves and the one other person in the world who participated?

Both of them were extremely attractive – no doubt my girlfriend would have liked a piece of him. They were also really nice and cool – making them even more attractive. I don’t remember how it started, and to this days we’ve never acknowledged nor spoken a single word about it, but it just kind of evolved: whenever they were around and there was dancing, the wife and I would eventually find close proximity.

We were all big drinkers – no doubt that helped such behavior come about. What I mean is, under the cover of crowd packed dance floors, or dim lit dive bars, we’d always  find our way to the other at some point, dance against each other, and sneak some touches, we were discrete and watchful, acted in-deliberate, yet, the last time I can specifically remember, I actually came in my pants, so, we are not talking about some accidental shoulder grazing here. Not sure if she knew it, that I actually came that time, and I never told her… but, yea, that’s what I mean when I tell you we would dance closely.

This never happened in any other context. There was never any drama nor consequence, and it was really fun. This went on for two years probably. The contact was unquestionably inappropriate, but her and I were the only souls on earth who knew about it.

That is a happy place, right? Perhaps you don’t consider it cheating? When someone has an orgasm, by definition it must be, right?

Please use the comment section liberally, no worries, I bought an endless supply. What is your story? What is your little naughty thing you do that no other soul on earth knows about, that keeps your desire rolling?

Cheating Series:

Cheating 9: The Other Side of The Sex Coin, in Defense of Those Who Partake

Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.

Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?

Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity

Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity

Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.

Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?

Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship



Want to know people’s actual thoughts and secret desires? here’s how

I am intrigued by what people actually think and do (when not judged – if the “real” truth be known).

Reading blogs is a great way to catch a glimpse of people’s truth – it”s what makes blogs great.

But, most do not create an online blog and share their most honest, intimate truths; even us who do, we are not totally anonymous and have boundaries. I doubt there’s any blogger on earth that shares every single truth – is 100% “honest.” Let’s face it, the most open and honest among us are constrained by what society and culture will tolerate – let alone our friends and families if they happen upon our blogs.

I have created an anonymous poll site in search of true answers and honest statistics regarding some of the more sensitive topics and aspects of our lives. The site is and I originally introduced the project on this blog post.

If you are curious about people’s true opinions and the actual reality of people’s lives, I ask you to enjoy  – AND – help in the effort to get the site off the ground. What will make it interesting and attract visitors is poll results – but, to get this going, we need to get some answers submitted – chicken or the egg sort of thing. I could kick start the site by injecting a bunch of fake answers and participation stats – like most every other poll-type site does – but that would defeat the purpose.

A lot of thought and development time has been invested in how to fashion this project in a way that we’d get real, honest, true results. When you check out  the site- you will see there aren’t 1000s of respondents (fake data) nor any advertisements.

You will notice on most poll sites (which are boring anyway because they don’t dare to get naughty).. there are advertisers. Also, you will notice that they ask you identifying information before you start participating – this is so they can correlate your answers with their advertisements, or sell your id info along with correlated answers to businesses etc. does not have this model. Hell yea It would be great (miraculous god send) if I ever made money on the site, BUT, if that were to happen it would not involve infringing on privacy. How do you know? does not ask for your email, your name, or any other personally identifying information. The site does use IP address as a means to this end – as an alternative to collecting email or other identifying info – yet  keep track of what polls people have answered and to prevent duplicate answers – and remember people’s gender (poll results are tabulated by gender).

So, if you too are interested in knowing what people really think and do – and want to discover the true answers to questions society frowns upon us asking – let alone answering, I welcome you to visit and answer some polls.

Thank you all for helping me get this idea off the ground. I welcome any suggestions you might have regarding the website or questions you wish to see added.


Thank you