Why is it that girls can fall out of love so totally and quickly? Why does their adoration never return once it is gone?

I’m actually going to spoil the suspense and begin with my conclusion on this issue.

In general, for us guys, love does not involve idolization. We don’t have to convince ourselves that a girl is king of the world and the very source of magic in our reality. Not to say men never obsess about a girl, but their obsession is to have her, it’s irrelevant if she’s a super hero or not.

We don’t want you to be supernaturally magnificent, and we don’t want to make you feel like you are – a thing that I think girls do sometimes to manipulate men into loving them.

Praying-Man-Silhouette-267332

So, if we don’t want a wonder goddess who walks on water, what in the hell do guys want. Easy question, I will tell you, guys want to be yours. We are vastly less picky, perhaps to as much a degree more rational (stop, don’t fight, we won’t go there).

We want devotion and to be needed, wanted, claimed. And you girls know this, and many girls who are not so conscientious, use our nature to fuck with heads and manipulate. It is so easy: be shifty about your loyalty, make it as confusing as possible for him to discern if you are his, and only his, just give him conflicting messages as to where the hell your devotion is.

Of course, such tactics will fail, you’ll lose thee strong and sound men: most guys can be spun upside down, for a while by such games, but the honest and strong will know you jacked with their head, betrayed by way of mind fuck, and will never love you.

We digress, so back to why guys don’t lose love, go cold, switch off like you girls. We never mistook you for a god, or for a super-human even, so our perception of you can’t be shattered by any realization that you’re not at all as wonderful as we thought.

We probably thought your boobs are nice – something about you attracts us obviously, and we begin loving you to the extent that you devote to us, commit.  Nothing that attracted us to you is  going to change so fast that we suddenly lose the love – suddenly have no interest.

But with girls – their men have to be put on a pedestal (why would anyone be worthy of their love if they weren’t bursting with greatness and unfathomable awesomeness?)

The more amazing you’ve built the image of your man up to be, the faster you’re going to be utterly uninterested when you wake up from the fantastic delusion that’s been paved as your insurance for choosing him.

 

 

 

 

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Cheating 12: Final conclusion, for now, until I have a different one.

Don’t do it.

Yes, I said it. which is to say, don’t break your vows or promises. If you’re in a sexless marriage, then get permission or get a divorce. Cheating is more about lying that it is about sex, and I believe lying is a sin, not sex.

There are hot stories to read  – fantasy and masturbation is free – none of us have to worry about “not-cheating” ourselves to death.

I’m not judging – not looking to get struck by lightning, I’m just sharing my conclusion – based on the discussion so far.


 


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Payton Interview: horrible sex, great sex, revenge fucks, hot drunk horny friends

Interview with Payton

I needed to get out of the house and went to a local dive bar around 11pm tonight, and there I met Payton and her friend. One of the two is next to me at my kitchen table and agreed to do an interview. It isn’t early. Or, it’s really early.

Sinner: Hi Payton, thank you for braving an interview at this hour, are you ready?

Payton: Ready Freddy.

Sinner: It’s Duncan, but close enough. When did you last have sex?

Payton: Not a fan of foreplay?

Sinner: I am a fan of foreplay, this is it.

Payton: Well if this is your foreplay then..

Sinner: Exactly, contraceptives are recommended for the main questions.

Payton: Should I be scared or excited?

Sinner: You should be scared in a good way and excited in a bad way.

Payton: Well if you must know, the last time was a week ago Saturday. When did you last have sex?

Sinner: Who’s interviewing who here?

Payton: So I can’t ask questions.

Sinner: I had sex Wednesday, sort of.

Payton: What do you mean sort of?

Sinner: I had anal, I guess that counts.

Payton: My my, that might count double. I wonder how that came about? Sorry, I’ll stop asking questions.

Sinner: My ex girlfriend texted and asked if I wanted to fuck. I told her no, unless she wanted anal, then she could come over and I would. So she did and we did, and she left.

Payton:  Sounds like that worked out well for you.

Sinner: It was torture, just trying to do my part. How did your last “experience” come about?

Payton: It was after a date with this guy. I wasn’t going to sleep with him but when he dropped me home, well you know, one thing leading to other things etc.

Sinner: wow, first date sex?

Payton: Third date sex.

Sinner: How would you describe the experience in one word? Amazing?

Payton: Brief.

Sinner: Brief?

Payton: Maybe three minutes. Maybe.

Sinner: Was that enough?

Payton: Enough? Enough for him evidently.

Sinner: So you didn’t come?

Payton: In three minutes?

Sinner: So you didn’t, were you frustrated?

Payton: Not for long, took care of things as soon as he left.

Sinner: With a toy.

Payton: Yup.

Sinner: So, you haven’t seen him since? Have you talked to him?

Payton: Have not seen him. He’s been texting everyday since. He wanted to go out tonight, but Jill (drunk pretty girl you met earlier) wanted to go out.

Sinner: So do you like him? Do you plan to keep seeing him?

Payton: Not sure, I don’t think so. He’s a bit too clingy..

Sinner: And then there’s the three-minute ish

Payton; If that, yes.

Sinner: How about before that? when was the last time?

Payton: Half a year ago, total catastrophe.

Sinner: Catastrophe? This should be good Why, what happened?

Payton:  It was with this guy friend I’ve known since junior high. I think he always had a bit of a crush on me but I was never attracted to him. While I was married my ex and I would hang out with him on occasion.  Sorry, kind of a long story, are you wanting short answers?

Sinner: No, fascinated, please finish, take your time.

Payton: Okay, after my divorce, Doug (the friend) was a shoulder to lean on. He was single but I still was not interested in anything romantic. I should have followed my instincts, but Doug was persistent and eventually persuaded me to give it a shot. Looking back I don’t know what I was thinking.

We had a kiss one night, nothing else, and soon after I relocated out-of-state for a new job. Doug and I continued to communicate long distance, and somehow or another we hatched a plan for him to fly out and visit, to have sex essentially.  I had starte dto feel a little bit of attraction, and He talked a big game – seemed like he might know what he was doing at least, maybe it would be good. It was a bad idea, but he few out for a weekend and we went through with it as planned. We should have stuck with friendship, now it is weird, we have only talked once since.

Sinner: So what happened, the sex wasn’t good

Payton: Yes, was not good. Not only that, but was awkward and embarrassing, for both of us I think. The chemistry was definitely not happening.

Sinner: That sucks. What was bad about the sex, or did it just feel weird because you had been friends for so long? Did he smell? Was it another three-minute situation?

Payton: Pretty much everything that could go wrong did. For starters, Doug had some “stage fright,” (as he defined it) . He never fully got over the “stage fright,” so we fumbled around trying to get started. I was hoping maybe he would get over the stage fright once we go underway. As soon we got started Doug got up, he was in me I’d say not even a minute. I thought maybe he was frustrated about the stage fright or something. I asked him what was wrong, and said, nothing, “I came.”

In my mind, I was wondering  what happened to the hours of passionate love-making he had texted me about. When did he come? He was not even hard and there were no clues that would indicate he was coming, we had not even moved, it was all very strange. I felt bad at first but it bothered me more as I thought about it.

My theory is that he has always wanted to get with me and figured he would say whatever he had to, and score even if it messed up our friendship. It was my choice too, but still, I felt he too advantage because he wanted to have sex regardless of the aftermath that he must have known would no be good.

Sinner: That sucks, sounds very disingenuous. Did you get any sexual pleasure out of the sex?

Payton: None. Hard to even call it sex, basically he put it in and unloaded.

Sinner: Wow. That might be the worst sex story I’ve ever heard.

Payton: The worst I’ve had.

Sinner: This is depressing, have you had any good sexual experiences.

Payton: There was one other when I got divorced that was good.

Sinner: So before Doug, you had good sex?

Payton: it was vacation sex, just a one time thing, but probably the best I have had. For sure the beset, actually. First new sex in eleven years, so that was part it.

Sinner: So your husband left you and then you went on vacation and got laid?

Payton: No, I left him. It actually happened before the divorce. Okay, let me explain. I discovered that my ex was having an affair and the other woman was a friend. I went on vacation with another friend to get some space from the situation and sort things out.

Between you and I, and everyone reading your blog who hopefully were not part of this, I was angry and wanted to hurt him back, so I did it as a revenge fuck. At the time I was thinking that I would have sex with someone to even the score, and then work things out with my husband on equal footing. I never saw the vacation guy again, but it did change my perspective. The next week I returned home and asked for a divorce.

Sinner: I’m sorry about your marriage, and your husband with your friend, that rough. It’s a fascinating story, not that it helps. So you intended to have revenge sex?

Payton: As bad as it may be, yes I did.

Sinner: Wow, did you tell your husband, ex?

Payton: I told him I slept with someone while I was “distraught and drunk” .. in truth it was a bit more intentional, again, that part is between us.

Sinner: That and the part about it being the best sex you ever had.

Payton: Yes, that part too.

Sinner: Was the vacation guy sex was better than it was with your husband.

Payton: No question, my ex was selfish , vacation guy was a giver… and gave, and gave. Lol.

Sinner: Nice.

Payton: (Payton is texting on her phone) Oh god, my friend Jill is checking on me, can’t believe she is still up. She says, “making sure your not chopped up in pieces. Hope I’m not interrupting anything? He’s cute, if I knew how to not be married for a an hour, I’d not be married all  over it.  I shouldn’t have said that, I’m drunk. Plus it’s true shhhhh.”

Sinner: I’m not blushing so don’t even. Tell her to come over, I know a way to not be married for an hour.

Payton: You do?

Sinner: No, lol,  I wish I was a priest right now, I could temporarily dissolve here marriage. But as a priest I couldn’t fuck her, back to the drawing board.

Payton: She’s so drunk, her Nana died and they were close, she never gets like this.

Sinner: She’s hot.

Payton: She is beautiful, for sure.

Sinner: As are you.

Payton: That’s sweet, thank you. I’m cute, Jill’s gorgeous.

Sinner: Maybe, but you have bigger boobs. Speaking of which, we’ll need a photo of them to post with the interview, standard policy.

Payton: Kiss my ass, that’s your policy.

Sinner: Thank you for doing this interview, will you do a part 2 sometime?

Payton: Maybe, perhaps I can talk Jill into doing one with me

Sinner: That would be great, please do. Thank you.


Suggest questions to ask Payton during (hopefully) her followup interview

Second Half of Ashley Interview – I ought to be charging admission to read this one, wow. Holy freaking wow.

Sinner: Thank you for coming back for more.

Ashley: Thank you for the good wine.

Sinner: Thanks for wearing a skirt.

Ashley: Thank you for lighting candles.

Sinner: Okay! I thought we’d start with this survey I posted on the blog about female masturbation. I’ll show you the page – basically, I listed my predictions and am going to compare them to the survey survey results. Some of the questions refer to husbands, so just give the answers you would given a few years ago while you were still with your husband.

Ashley: Okay.

(I’m going to read/show her the survey on the blog so I don’t’ have to include all the choices here – just going to put the questions with Ashley’s answers.)

Ashley: While Masturbating, I more often …: think about person/persons other than husband/significant other

Ashley: While masturbating I stimulate myself most with: equal amounts of clitoral and vaginal

Ashley: I have a colorful toy (red, pink, purple, etc): Yes

Ashley: When I masturbate I usually…: Give myself multiple orgasms

Ashley: The fantasies I think about while masturbating are more…: Dirty

Ashley: As I’m getting close to orgasm I most often think about…: Specific sex acts

Ashley: The things I think about while masturbating are usually…: Naughtier than what I do with husband/significant other

Ashley: The orgasms I have while masturbating are usually: Stronger than those I have with husband/significant other

Ashley: I masturbate…: More often than I have sex

Sinner: Yea, I was fairly accurate on most of my predictions, but getting killed on “the type of fantasies women have” and what “what they think about close to orgasm.” I wrongly predicted most would say they have abstract and romantic fantasies; so far, like you, the majority say they have dirty fantasies and think about specific, not abstract sex acts.

Ashley: You have no idea (ha ha).

Sinner: True, so tell me then – give me an example of something dirty you’ve thought about while masturbating… you don’t have to tell any specific fantasy – just curious if for you, a “dirty” fantasy means kissing without brushing your teeth, or “dirty” as in “dirty?”

Ashley: No, I’d have to say mine lean towards the “dirty, dirty” side of the spectrum.

Sinner: Now that’s very interesting. Like what, how dirty.

Ashley: Dirtier than I would do in reality, sometimes. Multiple men, stuff like that, it varies.

Sinner: Well, I have just a couple reader questions for you tonight, you ready for one?

Ashley: Sure.

Reader Submitted:After you separated from your husband, did you binge at all sexually while you were rebounding? I married my ex when I was twenty and when I divorced him nineteen years later, I went a bit off the rails.  Just curious if you experienced anything like that. For me, I think I had to prove to myself that I was sexually independent and free again.

Ashley: Good question. In general I have not rebounded in per se, not yet anyway. I should probably stop with that, but I will say that I did go way overboard on one occasion shortly after my husband moved out. It’s probably why I have not done much since. Things got so out of hand one night that I scared myself, as far as what I might do and so forth.

Sinner: Wow. You do understand that now you must tell us what happened, the world cannot continue, for any of us, until we know. I’ll hunger strike, my readers will picket… take your time, I’m going to get some more wine and what not.

Ashley: Oh gosh. Where to begin. Well, I had a friend who I met – our daughters played soccer together, and we became pretty good friends. My husband and I got together with her and her husband a few times, and when things got really bad with my husband, right before he moved out, I leaned on them quite a bit and even stayed with them a few nights after blowups with my husband.

A few weeks after my husband moved out, she convinced me to go out with her and her husband and “have some fun.” We drank way too much. They where living about an hour away at the time, and invited me to stay the night so I’d not have to worry about driving. We were having a good time and dancing, and when we got back to their house, things got really random. Basically, we ended up sleeping together.

Sinner: You fell asleep in their bed, or you mean you had sex with them.

Ashley: I didn’t’ fall asleep in their bed.

Sinner: Oh my god. Did you enjoy it? Have done it again since? So, did her husband fuck you, is that what happened.?

Ashley: I believe I enjoyed it at the time, the parts I remember, but felt embarrassed and regretted it as soon as I sobered up. I’ve spoken to her a few times but haven’t seen them in person since. Yes to the question about her husband.

Sinner: Good lord. So, he fucked you how, and where was she?

Ashley: I believe he was behind me for some of the time,  and she was right there.

Sinner: There, where? What was she doing?

Ashley: Oh gosh. I remember her being in front of me and me going down on her, I don’t remember how long exactly, but it seems like were all doing that for a good while, her in front of me and him doing me from behind that is. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do, get with a woman like that, which tells you how drunk and out of my mind I was.

Sinner: Holy shit, what a story. Well, I think you should enjoy the memory and not feel bad about it, you didn’t do any harm. Was it like an all night love fest, or just sort of happened and then you all passed out? Did you get off on it? Did she go down on you?

Ashley: Not all night, but a few hours probably, I would have never done it had I not been so drunk, but like I said, I believe I enjoyed myself. You think your reader who asked the question was expecting that answer?

Sinner: Who would have expected such an awesome answer. I need a cold shower now, that was hot.

All you guys out there, remember Ashley’s story before leaving your wife or agreeing to a temporary separation, because this is the kind of thing that’s likely to happen if you give your wife a reprieve from the marital contract. I’m not sure I can think of a single woman who did not fuck around and get wild during a marital separation. If you do a trial separation, you might as well just get a divorce unless you can live with your partner having sex with others, because it will happen.

Sinner: So was her husband better than your ex? Hotter? Harder? Bigger? Better? Etc?

Ashley: First, I want to clarify one thing. When this happened, my marriage was over for good, and was never intended to be any kind of temporary separation. Yes to all the questions regarding my friend’s husband.

Sinner: Okay, my last question is a tough one, but I need your complete honesty. Bridging this discussion to the masturbation survey we were talking about, have you thought about fucking this guy – your friend’s husband, while masturbating since it happened?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: More than once?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: A handful of times?

Ashley: Yes.

Sinner: Great interview. Do you want to kiss or make out now?

Ashley: Yes.

Good night everybody.

First Half of Interview with Ashley from Tinder – her ex – boobs – sex – and more

Tinder Ashley Interview

I was on Tinder while out by myself having sushi for dinner last night, and she agreed to come over and have a few drinks and do an interview.

We’ve had about an hour to make each other’s acquaintance and get through a bottle of Markham. Just uncorked another and we’re here at my dining table. We’ll be passing the laptop for this one.


Sinner Saint: Thank you for coming over and doing this interview.

Instructions: How this works is, I ask you intrusive and shocking questions, and you see how many you can answer before you storm out my door in a fit of disgust and anger. A few of the questions were submitted by readers – so if you are particularly offended by one, it’s probably one of theirs.

Speaking of which, we’ll start with the most provocative question suggested by readers. “‘Did you come for an interview or did you really just want to get some dick?”

Ashley: Must the two be mutually exclusive?

Sinner Saint: So, you’re saying you wanted to do an interview and you wanted to get, um…

Ashley: I’m saying there’s room for both possibilities.

Sinner Saint. Got it. I think. So, you’re 37 years old, divorced and have one child, right?

Ashley: Yes, I have a daughter in Junior high who’s with her dad during the week and with me on weekends.

Sinner Saint: How long have you been divorced?

Ashley: Officially, the divorce is not final, but we haven’t lived together for two years.

Sinner Saint: So you kicked him out because his dick was too small?

Ashley: No, I left because he was an alcoholic and I was done dealing with it.

Sinner Saint: Sorry to hear that. So, his dick wasn’t too small?

Ashley: No, I didn’t have a problem with his size. As for erectile dysfunction due to the drinking, different story.

Sinner Saint: That sucks – for both of you. So, he couldn’t get hard anymore? How long was that going on? You were both pretty young for that to be happening.

Ashley: with enough effort I could usually get him hard enough to do something, but he couldn’t get a full erection and would lose it right away. It’s probably been five years or longer since I’ve seen him “full functioning” shall we say. He’s seven years older than I, but still, I know it was the drinking and not his age. Again, I left because of the drinking, the ED was just one of many problems it was causing.

Sinner Saint: Do you still get together and have sex now and then out of convenience when you’re particularly horny.

Ashley: Do we need to do a lesson on erectile dysfunction? Sorry, that sounded a bit bitchy, obviously I’m not bitter at all about it. (ha ha). He chose drinking at the expense of his equipment working.

Sinner Saint: Have you met up with other guys on Tinder? Did you fuck them? On the first date?

Ashley: I have met up with two I met on Tinder and one of them I had sex with.

Sinner Saint: Nice, how was that? Was it your first time back in the saddle after your and your husband split up?

Ashley: Yes, had been twelve years since I had been with anyone other than my husband, so that was exciting. There was some ED going on with him too, wouldn’t you know, but it wasn’t too bad.

Sinner Saint: Not too bad… does that mean you had orgasms while fucking him?

Ashley: Ive never had much difficulty with that. I know some girls have a difficult time with it.

Sinner Saint: Okay, here’s two more questions suggested by readers. Reader Q 1: “Have you had any big black cock? Reader Q 2: “Look at Duncan and describe what you see ~ give us an overview or general impression?” Hmm, wonder which question was suggested by a guy and which from a female. LMAO. Love it.

Ashley: No “big black cock” as of yet, and let me see

He is dressed casually in a plain white t-shirt and jeans, and fancy shoes. He’s got gorgeous, deep blue eyes, and nice hair that is just slightly receding (no sign of balding). Hopefully that answers the question? He’s in good shape and quite handsome if that is what you’re asking.

Sinner Saint: I might not include this questions.

Ashley: Now he’s blushing.

Sinner Saint: Shut the fuck up.

Ashley: So sensitive. I’m just answering the questions YOU gave me.

Sinner Saint: Good point. I should have not given you it, but I didn’t want to be a dick and not ask questions that readers took the time to contribute.

Ashley: I thought it was good question.

Sinner Saint: Well I thought the “big black cock” question was particularly inspired.

Okay, one more reader question. “Describe the bra and panties you are wearing and show sinner your tits so he can take a pic so we can see them.”

Ashley: Are these really coming from readers?

Sinner Saint: Okay, that last one was me, but the others were from readers I swear.

Ashley: Oh you are bad. I am wearing white thong panties and just a white bra that I like, and sorry, I have a teenage daughter who doesn’t need to be running into nude pics of her mother on the internet.

Sinner Saint: Good point, totally understand. Shall we take a bathroom break, and we can discuss.. We could finish up tonight, or I’m free tomorrow night or Friday if you want to finish second half then?

Ashley: I have my daughter on Friday, but maybe tomorrow. We can discuss.

Young ladies, thank me. These theories might save you from sexless marriage

Common scenarios that lead to extreme dissatisfaction with marital  sex life.

You can find a lot of blogs and discussions – where wives talk of sexless marriages. It’s hard to know how many are in such a marriage  – there may be many who are not bothered by it enough to blog about it.

Obviously sex is important for people – and lack of it can derail a marriage… but..

With all these wives in sexless marriages, it begs the question: are people getting married without a clear idea of what the sex will be like with their spouse?

Sure, sometimes people have health issues that prevent them from performing like they used to  – but I don’t believe sexual dysfunction is to blame in most cases. If not sexual dysfunction, what is it usually?

I don’t think I’ve ever known of anyone suffering through a sexless marriage because the husband was entirely dysfunctional. Less than ideal in various ways but not defunct.

So, what’s the deal with these sexless marriages then?

Every couple’s marriage is unique but I’ve noticed some patterns – perhaps some common paths that tend to lead a wife to a sexless, or sexually insufficient marriage. I have seen men blogging  about their sexless marriage, I haven’t known any men who were fed up in their sexless marriages, otherwise, I may have included scenarios for men too.

Based on the situations I’ve seen where wives were fed up with their marital sex life, I propose the following theories.

Scenario #1 – Gold digger or Family martyr

Betty picks out and marries a responsible, good provider to have children with and the  sexual compatibility between her and her husband is a low priority concern. He may even be ten years older than her – all the better. The relevance of sexual compatibility is eclipsed by what seems more paramount to successful childbearing.  You can raise children without good sex – but food and shelter – pretty critical.

As the children need her less – and she has to find herself again – she realizes she wants sex; and, she wants it really bad because her sex life hasn’t been anybody’s priority for 15 or twenty years. If her sexual desires aren’t satisfied by her hard working, devoted husband and father of kids for 20 years, she betrays him for doing and being exactly what she married him for doing and being .

Scenario #2 – Horny and popular – marries jock

Wife marries a jock for his looks and perhaps sexual prowess, and doesn’t worry about how smart or responsible he is because she’s not ready to have kids yet anyway; – and, she over-values her guy’s teenage popularity.

(Of course, there are popular, hunks who are intelligent and have good character and families) …

but, those who don’t – who shined early – will likely not age well and become much less desirable before long. Unintelligent people take less care of themselves. If their is family instability and/or psychosis in his history – increases the likelihood of problems. Macho, highs school jocks often go bald in their twenties – do to unbalanced testosterone (that’s why they were young jocks) – they also never shed the cocky notion that wife should feel lucky to be with them – (because back in high school lots of girls had a crush etc.) – He’ll have depression because his HS popularity becomes irrelevant. He’s likely to cheat with girls who might make him feel like the young popular stud he was.

So, unhealthy, bald, possibly cheating, depressed, etc. etc. – if he’s able to fuck the wife after 40 – he’s likely to be such an asshole that she doesn’t feel like fucking him. So, the wife still likes sex as she always did – and if she’s smart,  she’ll probably go find the rich nerd that scenario #1 wife left – teach him how to have great sex; and scenario #1 wife will find #2 wife’s cheater ,ex-football burnout and get off on his big jock dick before the relationship goes nowhere.

Scenario #3 – high sex drive – high access to partners

This one is probably less common – but I find this scenario most interesting and erotic. Usually the wife is very attractive however not always – women don’t have to look like models to find a high availability of agreeable partners.

Sometimes the husband has a supercharged libido too – and they’ll swing or work something out. But, if the husband is just normal, when the opportunity to cheat is hot enough and the risk low enough – most these women will eventually encounter a “worth it” situation.

Women I’ve known like this don’t leave their husbands – don’t even tell him actually. The two I can think of who are not still with their husbands both caught cheating and the the husbands kicked them to the curb. Most are loving wives, but discreetly do stuff to supplement their sex life.

Loose Page Fell out of Diary – No Date On it – So Placing Here.

Infidelity is like one of those people you meet  – who breaks the molds of anyone you’ve known before – so you’re not quite sure about them at first. They’re either really smart and playing it brilliant, or real dense and not getting it at all – when you first meet them, you can’t tell which. If smart, wouldn’t it mean they’re deceptive as well? How else could someone so smart leave it to anyone’s guess as to whether they’re a dunce or clever – to be pitied or feared. Sometimes you draw when you could have laid down – to avoid the risk when it’s not certain if they’re bluffing. Maybe they don’t even see their own hand, but what if it’s you who’s missing what game they’re playing?

Does the cheater do it only for the power? It’s a dark truth, if we cheat, we grab the power – it’s an entirely unjust acquisition. Now we control what both sides know. Now the truth is ours to administer upon the others,  control them with. We are the gatekeepers of truth about all the stuff we’re doing, and all the stuff our lovers will, or will not be knowing.

And it’s bad, dreadful, drastic – to be on the cheated side, but even worse for the accessory to the cheating., When we’re the other – the cheater’s lie, we indirectly undermine our lover’s spouse – standing by as the cheater lies to a person who doesn’t even know we exist – let alone ever done us any harm. The guilt can weigh heavy and such choices make very little room for sympathy.

When serious people defy what they know is right, it’s a bloodbath inside. Fighting oneself is always a losing battle.The strongest are capable of doing the most damage – especially to themselves if that’s who they end up at odds with.

But it’s a fool’s errand, to own-to-death so much guilt about a situation where you’re just the other, the farthest from center – the least in the know – and cheapest for getting into a situation where you’ve got the least of anyone to gain.

The cheater always wins, unless, and until, they lose someone and get their own heart broken.

 

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Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship

Big thanks goes to Magenta for suggestion this  topic. Magenta has a great blog at https://magentaandme.wordpress.com/ – she’s hot too which is bonus.

The situation is not an uncommon – an unanticipated consequence and dilemma for some who planned to just have a one time fling. If we’re going to stray, most of us probably hope it’s good – good enough to be worth the effort and risk at least. But, how many consider what happens if it’s too good? Or, if sex with your significant other seems too bad, in comparison, after? This is no joke – not a far-fetched hypothetical to stir up a topic -this facacta happens. I’ve seen a handful of people run into problems like this: I watched some friends of mine go through the following. Tragically.

Sherry and Doug were yet another couple who got married too soon. They met the first semester of their freshman year, and have been together since. Soon after they graduated they got married, and after five or so years of marriage, what had seemed like a problem free marriage, began changing. Most of us who knew them – envied how united and strong their relationship was – figured they must be one of those few lucky couples who found their soul mate right away and would live happily ever after.

Well, those who have lived a while, know that what we see of people from the outside can be much different than what’s really happening on their inside – no marriages are perfect. As we live, we learn to find things that appear perfect, particularly suspect. Doug and Sherry did have a good relationship, but it was far from perfect – and both had been suppressing resentments. They didn’t want to be a couple with problems – perhaps thought they could ignore their problems away.

People talk about a “seven year itch” that affects some marriages, where after seven years happiness begins to decline and couples get restless. The original seven year itch was literally an skin itch that  would persist for seven years. The modern connotations comes from a move by Marilyn Monroe call “The seven Year Itch.” (this movie, was also where the famous shot came from – of wind blowing Monroe’s skirt up). Anyway, the film suggested that after seven years, men will begin wanting to stray. The movie premiered forever ago; the west has seen the liberation of women since then – so, now, girls too can come down with such an affliction.

I digress.

If you include the four years Doug and Sherry dated in college, they had been together for nine years when things started to look less rosy, and two after that, utter marital catastrophe.

Things got worse. Doug and Sherry would bicker and argue in front of us friends.  Sherry and my girlfriend were long-time friends, and Sherry would confide in her about Doug’s lack of engagement. She’d complain about how infrequent sex was becoming. They’d gone from a few times a week, to once a week, to every couple weeks – supposedly it had been a few months by the time a bunch of us friends went to Puerto Vallarta. Most of our close group of friends went, accept for Doug.

Doug was intent on some golf trip he had planned with his buddies. He opted-in a day or two before the Mexico trip was proposed. He stubbornly refused to back out and come with us to Mexico. Everybody tried to persuade him, especially Sherry – they were fighting for months about it. So, by the time Sherry had arrived in Puerto Vallarta, she’d gone months without sex, been fighting constantly with her husband, and the only one there without her significant other. Let me remind you, this is Fucking Peurto Vallarta we’re talking about, not Tijuana.

It started right away – the first night. We all started drinking by the pool as soon as we arrived. Three guys joined us early on in the evening -two brothers and their friend who owned the time-share. They were from Los Angeles too,  and staying at the same resort, so made some connection – sort of fused groups.

The third guy, the friend,  was a former college baseball player, and good looking – prototypical stud basically. Sherry, being without her other half, was talking to this guy –  by his side all evening. The two of them went off radar around ten o’clock, and we didn’t see her again until morning. Sherry initially told us they were just having a really intense conversation – but actually, the guy fucked her practically all night long. According to all the girls who heard details, the guy was a veritable superstar in bed. Sex with him was  “a life changing experience,” Sherry told my girlfriend.

We were staying all week – Sherry’s fuck machine for three more days.  Sherry was with him every night, all night, until he left. From all accounts, the two spent a ridiculous amount of the time fucking brains – having life changing orgasms and what not.

Here’s where we get to the point, I hope: I am almost certain Sherry didn’t plan to cheat on her husband.  She was very attracted to the  guy – awestruck almost, but going into it I don’t think she had any intention of wrecking or leaving her marriage. The guy was a hot stud and I’m sure she made the call that fucking him, was worth it, and that’s it. Her husband was thousands of miles away, might never know, and she’d have a little revenge as a bonus.

Whatever her true motives were, Sherry couldn’t leave it in Mexico. She wanted to work on her marriage and put super-stud behind her, but in the end couldn’t resist him. It was unfortunate that he lived in the same city – she couldn’t stop. Doug finally found out (not everything) and gave her an ultimatum – never see the guy again or lose her marriage. Sherry  promised Doug she’d never see the guy again, but Doug GPS’d her car and confronted her at the guys house a couple weeks later. He divorced her and that was the end of Doug and Sherry.

What can we learn from this story? That baseball players can fuck like the god of Viagra? Perhaps that Puerto Vallarta is the best place to find life changing sex? Ass sex even?  Yes, apparently she did that too. Whatever went on, she was “sore” in her lady-parts the rest of the week after he left).

There are many obvious things that might go wrong if we cheat- but how many think about what if the other person is too hot and the sex way too good? Perhaps one of the most unexpected problems is one of the more likely things to go wrong?

What are your thoughts. What would you do if in Sherry’s position? Have you been in a position where someone other than your significant other rocks your world much better than your spouse can? Did it cause problems? Even with swingers, couldn’t there be problems  when another person can take a person way beyond where their spouse is able to?



Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Valerie I: In Person Interview

Interviewee: Valerie
Interviewer: Duncan
Location: Duncan’s house

What: I met Valerie at a writer’s meet-up. She is working on a fiction novel – non-erotica – and was curious to see what I was up to with The Sinner Saint diary project, so I invited her over to do this interview for the blog.

How: I am trying a new method with this interview: We are both sitting at my dining room table – I’m in front of my laptop and will be asking questions to her phone through google voice – and she’ll be answering on her phone. I’m hoping it will be a little easier than passing the laptop back and forth as I’ve done with past interviews.

Visual: (Valerie is a woman in her early thirties. She’s 5’ 7” tall, has long and straight black hair – has some black Irish in her ancestry. Valerie is wearing medium amount of makeup – mainly on her lips and around where eyes – which are a beautiful, piercing green, She has an average build, and overall, very attractive.


The Interview

Getting Started

Duncan: Welcome Valerie, what in the hell possessed you to come do this interview?
Valerie: Would you recommend I leave?
Duncan: I’d recommend you have some wine.
Valerie: Okay I’ll stay. Lol

(pause: gets wine)

Duncan: The wine should make this easier. Fair warning, I try to ask personal – even shocking questions – to keep interviews interesting; plus, as I’ve mentioned, this blog is for a series of erotica books. So, I want to try to ask some questions related to the genre.  if there’s any areas you wish me to avoid, please tell me now.
Valerie: Shocking questions? I’ll try to answer – no promises. As I said, I won’t answer any questions that might reveal my identity.
Duncan: I understand. Let’s cover the basics – age, marital status?
Valerie. I’m thirty three and divorced.

The Ex

Duncan: How long divorced?
Valerie. Officially, almost a year.
Duncan: Why did you get a divorce?
Valerie: Long story. Basically got tired waiting for my ex to grow up.
Duncan: Ah, he couldn’t get it up.
Valerie: No, he couldn’t get a job, lol. He was fully employed, in total, maybe two of eight we were married. It wasn’t just the not working, but all of it boiled down to him not taking responsibility. I would like a child but I wasn’t going to have a child with a child. I might have stuck it out longer, but the last year we were together after he lost his last job, he started drinking. It would make me furious to work all day and get home to find that he’d been drinking half the day.
Duncan: That sucks. So he could get it up though?
Valerie: Usually.
Duncan: was the sex awesome?
Valerie: With husband? I’d not say it was awesome, no.
Duncan: But it was really good you’re saying?
Valerie: No, lol, not really saying that either.
Duncan: What are you saying.
Valerie: Well it wasn’t good enough to keep me around, obviously. I mean, wasn’t worth dealing with all the other stuff.

Sex after Divorce

Duncan: Have you had sex since divorce?
Valerie: Ah… once. It was “rebound sex,” mistake.
Duncan: How was it?
Valerie: Forgettable.
Duncan: So, you’ve only had sex once in the year you’ve been divorced?
Valerie: Just once, shortly after the divorce went through, and haven’t even really dated until fairly recently. Vowed to get back out there and meet some new people this year – hence going to the meetup.
Duncan: How’s the dating going?
Valerie: Have gone on a few first dates, not a second if that answers your question.
Duncan: Have you slept with your ex since divorced?
Valerie: No. I’ve gotten a few late night, drunken phone calls from him wanting to. Once or twice I was tempted, but been down that road, not going back.

Duncan: If this was a date, would I get a second?
Valerie: Since it’s not a date, can’t really say. So far, I wouldn’t rule out a second non-date, how’s that?
Duncan: Second non-date, score, almost as good – half the pressure
Valerie: Relax, there’s still time to piss me off and blow this non-date.
Duncan: Do you ever get naked on first non-dates?
Valerie: I haven’t got naked on any first actual dates.

Duncan: Have you purchased any erotica books?
Valerie: Can’t say I have.
Duncan: Well, I’m gifting you the entire Sinner Saint Diary series for doing the interview.
Valerie: Cool, very generous of you.

Duncan: Was your husband your first?
Valerie: No.
Duncan: Who else was there?
Valerie: High school boyfriend and a few guys in college before I met my ex.
Duncan: a few?
Valerie: Three.
Duncan: So four guys, and your ex had the most money and biggest dick so you married him?
Valerie. No, None of them had much money, were all students. My high school boyfriend was probably the biggest, but no, didn’t marry ex for his penis or bank account. Not sure why I married him exactly. If we’re to be totally honest, I had graduated and he proposed, and I felt like it was the next thing I should do – probably married for the wrong reasons.

Challenge Round

Duncan: Okay, it’s time for the challenge round, then we’ll wrap this up.
Valerie: Challenge round?
Duncan: The challenge round is where I ask you short answer questions, each on getting more difficult and personal than the last, and you see how far you can make it – before declining to answer. If you make it through all fifteen, you become the reigning challenge champion.
Valerie: What’s the farthest someone has gone?
Duncan: Don’t know, first time I’ve done it.
Valerie: Lol, okay. Guess I’ll be setting the bar.

Duncan: 1. Are you shaved, or how are you groomed?
Valerie: Groomed.
Duncan: 2. Landing strip?
Valerie: Small patch – I had permanent hair removal, on my legs too.
Duncan: So you never have to shave?
Valerie: Nope, it’s wonderful.
Duncan: 3. What color is your pubic hair?
Valerie: Same as my normal hair.
Duncan: 4. Ass hair removed too? Did you get that bleached?
Valerie: No and No.
Duncan: 5. Objectively rate your ex’s looks on scale of 1 to 10.
Valerie: 6.8
Duncan: 6. Given the following four qualities – intelligence, attractiveness, sense of humor, penis size, rank them in order of importance for each of the following: one night stand, someone you were dating, someone you marry.
Valerie: one night, attractiveness, penis size, sense of humor, intelligence. Dating, sense of humor, attractiveness, penis size, intelligence, married, intelligence, sense of humor, attractiveness, penis size
Duncan: 7. Do you miss having sex – since it’s been almost a year right?
Valerie: Yes.
Duncan: 8. Do you masturbate a lot, how often?
Valerie: Are we at 15 yet? Lol. Lately, more often, a few times a week I’d say.
Duncan: 9. Do you use a toy? When did you buy it, describe it in detail.
Valerie: Yes, I had a little vibrator already but mainly use a rabbit one that I bought last year, eight or nine months ago. It is red and typical rabbit shape if you’re familiar.
Duncan: 10. Is it shaped like a penis?
Valerie: Yes, the last one I bought is. With an added clit stimulator thing.
Duncan: 11. When did you last have anal sex?
Valerie: Hello. Ah, it’s been a couple years.
Duncan: 12. Do you like a finger in your ass during intercourse?
Valerie: Depends, sometimes I guess.
Duncan: 13. Is this interview turning you on.
Valerie: It’s a bit titillating.
Duncan: 14. Which of the following fantasies do you find the hottest: sex with another girl, sex in “public” with other adults watching, sex with two guys at once double penetrating?
Valerie: Sex with two guys.
Duncan: 15. Have you thought (fantasized) about that?
Valerie: Sometimes.

Wrap-up

Duncan: You did it, great job.
Valerie: Don’’t know I would have made it to twenty at that rate.
Duncan: It will raise to twenty the second interview, would you considering doing another next week?
Valerie: Yes, I’d consider it
Duncan: So, yes you will then? 🙂
Valerie: Okay, not sure what’s left to ask though.
Duncan: There’s a world of things I haven’t asked.
Valerie: If you say so.
Duncan: So.

Duncan: Thank you very much for being a good sport and sharing so openly. I look forward to round two next week.

Valerie: It was fun, thank you.