What are you looking for reader, you want carnage & pain don’t you – to see the ugly parts – see me demolished, dismembered, crucified, naked, scorned, shamed and weeping. Emotionally circumcised.

Seriously, is that not it? Okay, so you might be more likely to “like” a short clever poem that you need not even open up to read. Yes, you might enjoy a short warm fuzzy sentiment if you have time. But, none of it really matters, right? It’s not about us, or if not about solving our immediate problem,  we’ll nod but aren’t really that interested, right?

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Unless it is profoundly true, and brutally awful: totally demoralized, or ruined in shame, or exposed and humiliated, destroyed, now that might be worth your time; if we’re talking brutal carnage of the soul here, for real, fuck yea, “HELLO,” .. “READING” bring it. Fucking destruction .. depravity works too – but it better be real depravity, I’m not wasting my time for your fantasy life – unless it destroyed you, then tell me.

Isn’t that kind of pandering for readers?

Otherwise, you’re going to be “imagining” for readers. But, no it is not pandering, because tragedy and depravity has to be real – the kind that I’ll bother reading about at least, and truth doesn’t pander. And, it doesn’t get read unless there’s severe destruction or damaging consequences.

But I don’t want to destroy myself.

And I don”t want to read this boring dribble, seriously go to hell, that would be more interesting. No destruction, no read.

How about depravity, didn’t you say something about that, maybe I could do that?

We don’t do depravity, that tells me right their you’re going to fake it. If you had any, you’d show it to us, and then die. Then we’d read. You don’t have anything fucked up enough going on, the only tragedy here is when I die if I read much more.

Every life is a tragedy, I think. It’s already there waiting for us all.

Then why do I need to read about this from you, if we all have this tragedy, I’ll go read my own damn tragedy. You aren’t even smart, tell me, why am I wasting my time with this? oh, that’s right, was just going leave and find an old phone book to read, much much more interesting.

I have video of my oldest sister  masturbating  while watching a private video my ex and I made of us fucking. (no, there’s no incest)

To bad, that would be depraved enough to keep my attention for a minute. Way to fool yourself, though, what do you think it is when your sister is watching you while masturbating, and you watched her do it? Come on down, because you just won a ticket to incest-vile sicko.

Wasn’t like that, exactly, you’re fucked up, I would never want to fuck family, you sick fuck,

Now it’s’ my fault, if that’s helps. Where did this incest happen?

It wasn’t incest, it happened in our apartment while we were on vacation, sister was house sitting our cat. Enough on that, should never have brought it up.

It got me to give a shit about reading, and you’d bring it up again if it would keep me reading. Speaking of which, I’m going to go read the instructions on label of the paper towel role I just bought, unless you’ve got anything else disastrous enough to read.

I saw a guy die once, flew out of a jeep in accident, right in front of us.

Boring, he’s already dead, let’s see some dying from you.

Again, I think I’m a little more comfortable with the depraved angle than the death and destruction.

Bring it then, I’m about to go read about paint insurance.

I got a hand job about everyday during my Senior year of highs school, none from my girlfriend. I think there was a couple weeks I didn’t because I got sick with mono.

Meh, the incest was better. Where, after school?

During school. Some at night too – during school related functions, but at school everyday.

Okay, that’s a little bit depraved. Save that thought, but probably not, still pretty boring and nobody’s getting hurt or destroyed.

I never found my soul mate, and will never get to be a father, and my life is a  failure?

Bingo, now I’m’ following.

 

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God and afterlife was the last illusion to go.

God and afterlife was the last illusion to go.
Life with no illusions is hell on earth.

The tooth-fairy and Easter Bunny,
Santa Claus, Lie
Lie, Lie, Lie

Grandparents and Puppy Dogs
Someone’s Mom, Gone
Gone, Gone, Gone

Soul Mate and Celebrity,
Notoriety, No
Show, No-Show

Youth and Time,
Hope, Die
Die, Die, Die

If it is not a lie
If it ever Shows
It will Die
or it will go.

But there’s God right? There’s that deep certainty that keeps you barely transcendent
The first, deepest pillar of our confidence, thank god our religion was the real one
We have this gift of faith. It is why we are going to be okay while others may die
It’s why our future will work out and nobody we love will ever become nothing, die

Then your Grandparents and everyone you knew in their generation die
Then Your parents get ready to die and a few of your friends Die
Animals die and you learn that all the brain parts and parts that make you, you
and the memories stored in your brain of everything you do, die

Then those who were supposedly the ones who did not lie, your link to the sky
Have raped and molested little boys, did they confess? Hell no, they ran
Those that are supposed to be in the most know about God, rape boys
And you’re supposed to believe they really believe in God? Heaven?

There is zero proof of an afterlife and life after death defies all science and comprehension
memories are stored in the brain, this has been proven
So, if you’re in some afterlife and you have no memory of them, you, us
Then you have no self, no identity and no awareness of what it is that remains

There has not been one truly miraculous thing that has ended up real,
Including everything that you have ever come across that seemed magical,
It always ends up a lie or a dream and ultimately, very human and unremarkable.
To dust and wind do fade all the signs of heaven and anything divine..

There’s not a single thing that has ever been found or past down
That has any power beyond us mortal humans walking around.

God and Heaven are the deepest, most important, illusions to go
By the time it finally becomes impossible to believe in God and religion
Everything of lesser importance has already gone, never was
There’s no more magic, nothing else, no more surprises

Life is a nightmare and a horror Show
When there is no trick strong enough
To convince your mind to believe in god
Or make you believe that heaven’s a go.

Without Sleep Nightmares Come to Life

Looking in mirror the other day –
Relieved my hair wasn’t bald or Grey
Like my dream, or
Nightmare, last night.

In my reflection for a while
I think about the nightmare –
the past couple years –
Figure out what was left.

The events that did this damage.
Nightmares I never thought would come,
Outside of a night’s terror here and there,
They came and they came – and come.

Last night, sleep absorbed
the yin version of my hair check,
Left only safe, positive
Yang outcomes for awaking.

I haven’t slept much through
this term of living horrors.
Had I awake absorbed both –
the yin and yang of living?

I walk outside,
See a big dead black bird
Right outside the door – stiff
on its back with claws straight up.

Wondering if now the bird
Sleeps away all the negative –
No pain left to live through –
Finally, dreamed it all away.

Or, will it only be nightmares
Here on out for this Fowl
Without the relief of waking up
to another chance, a better outcome?

If he now has nightmares,
I worry He’ll never awake –
Know that they aren’t real.
Will nightmares  never end?