What I think Is Extra Fun About Women: Selective Morality & Prudence depending on How Hot they Think You are & How Much They want to F&CK you. Or, Is there more to it?

Perhaps it is the same way for men, but it seems like a lot of girls adjust their rules based on how hot they think a guy is. I’ve always accepted the obvious assumption, that attraction and desire often have the power to overwhelm one’s moral or cultural convictions.

But there are some interesting aspects about this that suggest it may not be so simple. I wonder, is it just about attractiveness, or could a guy’s hotness not actually be the objective? Could it be a convenient excuse for girls to bend their own rules and accomplish some other, higher desire?

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Let’s look at a few situations where I’ve seen people shape-shift their fundamental rules with particular attention to elements that contradict the assumption that it is attraction compelling people to redraw their boundaries.


I’ve seen a girl keep her boyfriend waiting for two years, because her chastity was so important, just to lose it her last month in high school to one of the more popular athletes. No, she wasn’t passed out, she wasn’t drugged, and I think her boyfriend was the only person at our school who didn’t know what happened – at the party where she gave it up.

(By the way,  her boyfriend was not at the party with her because he was out of the state attending a grandparent’s funeral).

And, I’m glad you noticed, I played no part in the scandal, hands are clean this time, I mean, I did have sex with her too, but not until years later.

In the mean time, I ran into the boyfriend at a restaurant, Macayo’s, a couple years after high school. I really wanted to tell him everything, but decided it might hurt him more than help. I wonder how much he ever found out.

But was it just the guy’s good looks and popularity that compelled her to give up her virginity, risk her relationship, and reshape her reputation? It is hard to believe, isn’t it? And, she was attractive, so even if the guy she slept with was a little bit out of her league, she certainly could have found a fairly handsome guy to trade up to if she wanted a more handsome or popular boyfriend.

Are there any other aspects of the situation, besides a chance with a member of the school’s A group? Her boyfriend was not around. There was a little bit of drinking. Most of the girls probably dreamed for an opportunity to be the focus of that guy’s affection, so even if they called her a slut, few would probably blame her for her actions. .

Let’s hold on to these thoughts and look at some more examples.


I had this friend who I met when I first got to college. She was brilliantly smart and had an amazing body, but we were both too cool and cautious, and having too much fun with being single, to become a couple – we were so cool, that we would hardly admit we wanted each other. The cool thing was, from the window of my dorm room, I could see the entrance to her dorm;  there were outside stairs up to a door to the second floor of her dorm – it was near her room, so she’d always return through it.

This is where almost all of her dates would follow, right up to the door, drooling with hopes of getting anything. Nobody got through that door. She had many dates. When she wasn’t at a sorority  function, she was usually being wined and dined by the many wealthy men wanting to impress her around Los Angeles. Both of us lived in honors dorms, neither of us studied.

I had already studied this kind of thing, the moment I met her I knew what none of her suitors seemed to get – Denise was a tease and built her self esteem off of guys wanting her. And, more importantly, she got off on denying them – NOT getting off with them. The way She dressed and acted, who would believe she was still a virgin.

For much of my freshman year I’d watch her dates walk her up to that door. I never saw her give more than a peck to a single one of them. I’d have a shot and throw on some cologne because most of the time she’d head over to my room soon after; when she didn’t, I’d go to hers.

The only Ferrari I drove during college was hers, her and her sister each got their own as a high school graduation present. I didn’t have the money that some of her dates and “boyfriends” spent on her – but I had her asking me to teach her how to give me head after they dropped her off, and a couple years later, yes she held out that long, I had her virginity, she asked me to take it.

Yes, this does relate to the discussion, I think. The point is that she prided herself on her virginity and practically defined herself by being a tease and not putting out, but she changed her whole cosmology because of chemistry?

This story  is even more inconsistent to theory than the first. While there was wild chemistry between us and Denise did have a strong attraction to me, she had so many pursuers to choose from, there had to have been plenty who were hotter than i was, no way was I this girls only decent option, she could have scored far hotter I’m sure.

So, what else about the situation was abnormal or remarkable?  Here’s something, I never made my intentions or desire for her public; most of our love affair was our little secret. Few of her friends knew about our dorm room rendezvous; also, I never interfered with or raised issue about her highly active dating life.

Let’s let those thoughts bake a bit and look at one more example before seeing if we can assemble any theories.


In high school I ended up the writer and director of our class play each year. After our class had won the competition for the first two years, I had accrued some power over the project; I was head honcho, just like a big-time Hollywood producer, if you substitute in geeky school kids for gorgeous, famous actors, and replace brilliant, Tarantino-esq scripts with cliche-riddled gibberish.

But, evidently I had assumed enough power to decide I needed a personal assistant, secretary, so I appointed one. It is possible she was the only one who volunteered, don’t remember. She was sort of cute in the most unpopular, not-trying-at-all, extremely Mormon, never-kissed-a-guy sort of way.

Actually, she did have a BINO (boyfriend in name only) that went to her church, she said they had kissed once and she shared with me her predicament – the guy had been pressuring her for more kissing. Don’t be skeptical, I’m’ not making this shit up! Have you not known any deeply brainwashed committed, adorably naive teenage Mormons?

Through the years I have come to appreciate Mormons, and a little naive innocents – let’s  be generous and call it goodness.

It isn’t a stretch to say that I was out of her league in terms of high school desirability; had she not been thrust into the spotlight as my important, personal secretary, we probably would have never had a conversation. Relax, I’m not bragging, this distinction is critical to what what we’re analyzing.

So, this girl Tamarin .. (WHAT?, I didn’t name her – she’s Mormon, give her a break) .. anyway, Tamarin had kissed a guy once, I’d wager there wasn’t an abundance of tongue involved, but by our third play writing session, she was grabbing my cock with one hand and taking notes with the other. Sort of.

It was strange, we just pretended like nothing  was happening. The first couple times she just sort of rested her hand on me while I was half way hard, at least. We never took it out. We never kissed or did anything else that would obviate something intimate or imprudent was happening. It became our routine, she’d hold onto my cock every time we met up.

After a couple times, she moved her hand and rubbed my cock just enough to make me cum, and going forward, that part was incorporated  into our meetups. A few times I got so turned on that I did pull her pants down to see her in panties, or touch here ass, that was the farthest it went. She wasn’t getting touched, or coming, or anything really – not sure what she was getting out of it – if anything, but she did it every time.

She acted like nothing was happening, but a couple times I saw her almost get worked up and show signs of being really turned on. It was hurting my cock because I couldn’t take it out of my jeans, so after a few painful times, I thought I would try wearing sweat pants. I was worried about avoiding the pain and it didn’t occur to me until we got started, that the sweatpants were closer to wearing nothing than they were to wearing jeans. My shape, and contours were all available. She actually looked down and stroked a little, she let out a few deep breaths, and a few of the times she looked right down at me while I came – saw the wet spot  grow as my cum seeped through.

Tamarin was concerned about too many kisses, and a few weeks later, hand jobs were routine, – did she change her boundaries because she thought I was hot – or, hotter than her normal catch?

Again, like with the other stories, it is hard to give physical attraction so much credit. Are there any other unique or remarkable factors in this story, that might contribute to a more reasonable explanation?

A couple aspects stand out – similar to some we’ve identified in the other two situations. For one, there were no witnesses – I would bet that to this day she has not told a living soul what she did. Nobody from her world ever know if she didn’t tell them; for all anyone would know, her morals had never bent. And, we didn’t fool around in any normal ways, we basically pretended like what we were doing wasn’t happening, so it wouldn’t be so hard over time convince oneself to believe nothing really happened.

What does all this mean?

These are just three examples, but they bare similarities to other situations that have happened to me or that I’ve heard about.

I’m going to suggest that physical attraction alone is not enough to compel a girl to move her more solid boundaries. I do believe that physical attraction is critical and the boundaries would not shift without that factor, but there has to also be a second factor. I think the second factor is “rollback-ability.”

Thesis Statement:

People will stretch their boundaries or redefine their morality, if (a) there is enough incentive to do so (physical attraction) and (b) when the situation is such that will allow the boundaries to be restored.

If we are to stretch our boundaries without permanent damage to our moral integrity, we must either break free where nobody who counts on us keeping our prudence, can see us dismiss it. The situation offers determinant containment, or, the situation in itself must provide an excuse or authority with enough weight to pardon such a reprieve from principle.

And in some cases, I believe people let go of themselves in situations they know will force a re-evaluation. Perhaps we break ourselves into some situations that we believe will elevate us to places that paint over where we were, we move to a different world, what we broke or betrayed doesn’t exist anymore, unmaking is efficient fixing.

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Dirty Little Secret: Sex with anyone gets boring fast, we all get ugly, and it gets gross, & your marriage is doomed, unless.

Stop. Don’t even bother trying to deceive yourself about it. it doesn’t matter how amazing hot your lover is. if you’ve  been with them for over a year, the physical aspect of sex – including your lover’s body, is beginning to bore you to death.

As hard as it may be to hear, boredom and callousing  attraction threaten the success, even survival of your relationship.

The question is: If even the hottest people do not remain exciting for very long,  and it is critical to the success of our marriage that they remain not-boring, what the hell can we do?

But the deeper questions are: If the hottest mates become just as unexciting, why does attractiveness play such a significant role in mate selection?

Screw those questions, a better one would be: how much of an advantage do you have, how better is your chance for  happiness (or mere pleasure), if you’re hotter looking?

But then the thing is: hotness does not last, have you seen Richard Gere lately? Yikes. Oh no, even the hottest get taken down  by the latest. Gwyneth, Meg, Val, and eventually everyone no matter how physically breathtaking we are.

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Val Kilmar was

GWYNETH-PALTROW

MADONNA

and this …

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to…

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BELIEVE me, I am not posting these examples to be mean or to disparage these fine people. I am making the point that everybody gets taken down eventually; the most arrogant guy who stole your girlfriend and that stunning girl who breezed through her teens and twenties, with any guy she chose – and all her whims payed for – she’s going down, time is gonna cabbash that shit, toot sweet.


 

Before we talk about counter measures,  let’s back up a bit and discuss the problem.

My girlfriends give us a a fair cross section of data to look at for this issue: some people have a type that they are attracted to; by the variety of girlfriends I have been attracted to, evidently I do not. Before I grew older and uglier, there were a few girlfriends who were fashion-model hot – one of them was literally a model, and after a year, all of the very hottest were no more arousing than than the most nondescript.

Physical attractiveness does just what it sounds like – attracts.  Statistics have shown that when men have an affair, the other women are usually less physically attractive than their wives. (by the way, the reverse is true for woman who usually choose a man who is  physically superior to their spouse).

We know men are more visual, so why would they place less emphases on looks when selecting who to cheat with, while attractiveness is more pertinent to  a woman’s choice of paramour? (see The Sexy Son Hypothesis)

Remind me to write a post on, “Women are more likely to cheat up, while men are more likely to cheat around. “

so,

I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell  you that the few women who never got boring where completely unattractive. They were good looking , no question; however, they were not the most attractive physically, by large margin.

So what was it?  What was the secret sauce? Both were intelligent; one was very extroverted and positive while the “sushi waitress” was more introspective and serious.  ** Both had strong sex drivers – higher than they would have preferred I think, and both were compelled to take risks to accommodate their needs.  **

WAIT!  To the fundamentalists and Christians reading, please don’t run off just yet, you may be surprise and pleased with where this is going.

First, please plug your ears as we have to talk about sex for a second.

The dirty, dirty little secret to what makes another person stimulating, are the very things that none of us (THINK) we would want in a relationship. The sacred scrolls on the subject, if there were such a thing, would etch out the following four aspects of what makes for hot, sexual alchemy.

1. inaccessibility.

2.  Risk.

3. Breach of boundary.

4.  Vulnerability.

to be continued … P & J just showed up.

 

 

 

Cheating 12: Final conclusion, for now, until I have a different one.

Don’t do it.

Yes, I said it. which is to say, don’t break your vows or promises. If you’re in a sexless marriage, then get permission or get a divorce. Cheating is more about lying that it is about sex, and I believe lying is a sin, not sex.

There are hot stories to read  – fantasy and masturbation is free – none of us have to worry about “not-cheating” ourselves to death.

I’m not judging – not looking to get struck by lightning, I’m just sharing my conclusion – based on the discussion so far.


 


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

If you have read a bit of this blog, you probably know that I’ve accidentally hooked up with a few married people. Shut-up – don’t clear your throat – how rude.

In this episode of our cheating series, I wish to share my experience in order to help not sleep with the wrong married people, if you every accidentally do.

If you have been reading the Sinner Saint Diary for a while, you may have noticed that there are not a lot of re-occurring roles, for the married women I have written about. There’s a reason why this doesn’t happen, I’ve gotten my heart broken and learned a few lessons.

Not to not sleep with 1: Don’t sleep with a married person if they aren’t separated or at least wrapping up a divorce. If you do, make it a one time event: don’t date them or make it a routine. And for God’s sake, don’t fall in love with them.

Yes, I know, you have no interested nor intention of falling in love with a married person – I’ve been there too; funny thing about nature, when people fuck regularly, love happens.

But, it’s different with this person you’ve been seeing, right? Perhaps because…

“They don’t even love their (husband/wife), they just can’t leave yet because (insert reason here – financial, kids, spouse is sick, weather is bad, etc)

“They have not slept with their spouse in years, it is basically a roommate situation…”

“We knew it from the moment we met, we are soul mates and we are meant to be, their marriage is just a temporary obstacle on our road to true love bliss…”

These reasons are compelling, I know because I have bought in to them too. I could have saved some heartache had I known: if a person is ready, able and open –  to giving their heart to you or anyone other than their spouse, they would be gone or in the process of leaving.

Maybe they love you, but if they are not determined to end their marriage, there is likely a reason why – and the same reason will prevent their feelings from outlasting the initial infatuation.

BUT: Should you accidentally sleep with them once, good chance it will be really really great! Unless, they stray from their marriage often – which brings us to the next type of married person not to sleep with.

“But, they have an open marriage, sort of, so what’s the harm? They’re just looking for sex and so am I.”

Who to Not to sleep with 2: Are you looking for a disease? Or, shallow encounters that make you feel like you just used a human being as a masturbation device? or, them you?

If the person and their spouse are both into polyamory or whatever the fuck, perhaps it is better – but then it’s not really cheating; however, if the person is cheating with a variety of people, behind their spouses back, is that what you are looking for? someone dishonest, cheap and unavailable?

reader: Fuck this blog! Like I really need more negativity or lectures about things I shouldn’t be doing. #not, #overit, #lickmeDontpreachme

I think I will unfollow — this bullshit is bringing me down!

Hold on a damn second, I’m not finished, so calm the fuck down. And keep reading.

… Are we calm?

Um, Why are you touching yourself there?

Okay, where was I? Yes, was getting to the “how to not sleep with the right married people section,” happy?

Who is better to not sleep with: The Beluga of married persons to hookup with, are those undergoing a temporary separation: You’ve probably heard me comment on this before – for good reason, there’s only one reason for the “temporary separation” … actually there are two – and both are good news for you:

1. The married person wants to fuck someone else (you) so bad, they incurred the expense and went through the drama to  move out of their damn home.

2. They were not getting any “on the side” before the separation, and won’t be getting any when the separations ends – or else they would not have to move out to “separate.” 

For anyone fooling themselves, who thinks a temporary separation is not so the married person can screw their brains out for a short time without having to account for it, you must be the spouse of one, and it’s better you know the truth.

There is the same danger of falling in love with the separated married person – don’t do it. They are probably even less likely to leave their marriage for you. They’ll rock your world and wreck you – all in a few months time – and by the time you come back to, they’ll be back with their spouse and all but forgotten you.

It is one of those laws of marital nature, if they go through all the trouble of a temporary separation, they are strongly committed. And, they are doing it because they want to fuck, Period!

They will never admit it and will likely take what you do with them to their grave, while their spouse thinks they were reading self help books and focusing on “getting healthy.” 

And now for the very worst and very best married person you should not sleep with…

Worst person to not sleep with: While you avoid sleeping with married people, avoid double the married person who’s been living on their own for any significant amount of time and no divorce papers have been signed.

This situation comes with the most risk and the least reward. There is some reason why divorce still has not happened; it must be a strong reason, or it would have!- How many happy, safe reasons can you think of – as to why a person would live alone for a long time without divorce?

Exactly, it’s creepy. Besides, they’ve had their freedom for a while, and getting a slice is no big thing; they have already been through their fucking-like-a-rabid-teenage-Rabbit-phase.

Perhaps they want your help to extricate them from their abusive husband Guido? or, their borderline psycho wife Haterknifeloveress, how happy would that fun be?

Very Best Person to not ever sleep with: We will end up on an up note and talk about the very best married person to accidentally sleep with…

But first!

I just remembered…

Another consideration: This is a caveat to the best option: While the penultimate accident to fall upon, can be with a person who’s ink is still fresh on the divorce papers – if they were not in favor of ending their marriage, especially if they were cheated on, prepare for tears in place or orgasms.

Why you ask?

Think back to relationships you have ended and those who have ended you. Were you not over the one’s you ended much faster? And, when you’ve been let go, did it not sort of make you want them even more? Their mind will be on them and they don’t want to fuck, if they do it’s stick it to their ex.

But with the non-jilted spouse who just wants out…

Did you ever go to disneyland as a child? Remember the anticipation in the car when the first ride had been spotted? Or, remember what the last hour of class before summer vacation used to feel like – how it seemed to last an eternity? All the energy you felt – perhaps a fog of euphoria – when you  broke free and the limitlessness and freedom of summer began?

Fair enough, you might get the dirtier sex from the separated spouse or the one trapped for life in a sexless marriage. But, you and the the almost unchained, will have hopeful, laughing sex.. and they will soon be available if you accidentally fall head over heals.


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Well we have it: 100% unanimous reader vote as to which book to finish up next.

I believe this is the first unanimous reader poll (which received more than a few responses) that I’ve ever conducted.  Was it the ass licking part? LOL, hey, that would be reason enough to get my vote!

I’d planned on needing to give the Which shall I finish up first? poll more time time than this, but given that literally, exactly, completely 100% of the respondents voted in favor of  The Roommates, the directive is clear. 

(BTW, damn good choice, the story is arguably the hottest and most interesting I have to tell)

Thank you all for helping me me find direction with this.

Next up for publication:

The roommates: Renting a room in a condo, Living with Judy and Jayme

This true story started when I moved back to LA for a job and needed a place to live in a hurry. I found a place through Craig’s list. It was a 3 bedroom, two story, two bath condo that two girls were living in. One of the girls, Judy, owned the condo, her parents helped her buy it the year before, and she needed to rent out the third room in order to afford the payments.

The other tenant, Jayme, was the daughter of friends of Judy’s parents. (so, sort of a friend). She was spending a lot of nights with her boyfriend, and Judy was looking for another tenant, in case Jayme moved out to live with her boyfriend.

My time living with these two lasted just over eleven months, but was unforgettable.  Things started getting interesting when the owner Jenny met a guy and started having him over, unbeknownst to her boyfriend. I could hear her on the other side of my wall.  Eventually, the three of us got entangled, and the story becomes complicated and super hot.

Highlights:

  • Hearing my straight laced landlord, Judy, having sex – and orgasms – with a guy she started having over and cheating with.

  • Seeing Jayme lick Judy’s ass – first time I ever saw a woman lick another in such a way.

Which shall I finish up first? Here are the sexy highlights.

I am about 3/4th done writing the following three books – to be subsequent volumes of The Sinner Saint Diary

I can’t decide which to focus on and finish up first, so I decided to ask for a vote.

Which book shall I finish up first?

Please read the following summaries, and then vote on which I should publish next. Thank you.

Gina – renting bottom floor from wealthy medical student.

True Story about the one year, one month, and two days I rented the first floor apartment, in the huge beach house, from a friend of a friend of my ex girlfriend’s.

Gina was a third year medical school student who’d taken ownership of her wealthy family’s beach house, and I was getting booted out of my girlfriend’s house and needed a cool place to go.

Things were winding down with my girlfriend, (ending), and she stumbled upon an option – a place to go. Interesting things happened while I was living in Gina’s house, my first floor apartment there was more like a luxury spa.

Highlights include:

  • My will power breaks down and I take Gina’s panties from a load of clothes she had drying, and masturbate into them. I find a big toy in Gina’s underwear drawer while trying to return the panties.
  • An unexpected, complicating resolve to several months of sexual tension.
  • Gina has a party, and ex Morgan and other friends from Dare I are there. At the end, Gina and I share some drunken confessions.

 

The roommates: Renting a room in a condo, Living with Judy and Jayme

This true story started when I moved back to LA for a job and needed a place to
live in a hurry. I found a place through Craig’s list. It was a 3 bedroom, two story, two bath condo that two girls were living in. One of the girls, Judy, owned the condo, her parents helped her buy it the year before, and she needed to rent out the third room in order to afford the payments.

The other tenant, Jayme, was the daughter of friends of Judy’s parents. (so, sort of a friend). She was spending a lot of nights with her boyfriend, and Judy was looking for another tenant, in case Jayme moved out to live with her boyfriend.

My time living with these two lasted just over eleven months, but remains unforgettably.  Things started getting interesting when the owner Jenny met a guy and started having him over, unbeknownst to her boyfriend. I could hear her on the other side of my wall.  Eventually, the three of us got entangled, and the story becomes complicated and super hot.

Highlights:

  • Hearing my straight laced landlord, Judy, having sex – and orgasms – with a guy she started having over and cheating with.
  • Seeing Jayme lick Judy’s ass – first time I ever saw a woman lick another like in such a way.

 

Dare 2: Living and being crazy with Morgan.

Morgan and I end up dating – I move in with her for a while. Our relationship was crazy and unique. We continued the dare game, defined our relationship by it even, and wild, hot, craziness ensues.

highlights include:

  • Morgan’s cleaning crew talking in Spanish after I did Morgan’s dare to streak naked in front of them. I knew Spanish and listened over intercom.
  • The massage experiments where Morgan and I conduct a study, and have a contest, around getting happy endings from massages.
  • Paula, from Dare I, staying with us after a big fight with her husband Rick.

 

It may not make any difference to you, but I like to keep the door open for everyone to influence the discussion.

Hi there,

Please feel free to anonymously submit your vote regarding tonight’s post.

Thank you