Some thoughts to a love with whom it would not work.

I know you are smart and can be very thoughtful. It seems you are somehow, for some reason, closed minded in your approach.

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For example, instead of engaging with me in a process of imagining and creating ourselves, you focus on labeling, defining – diagnosing even.

Being closed to the “creating ourselves” concept would not be so bad if you were open minded  about discovering. You cling to a dimension or aspect that you recognize and draw the picture; worse yet, you tend to identify negative patterns much more than positive.

I am not a static being, i am a constantly changing and growing, evolving creation. I believe a relationship should be the same. A good portion of my thoughts and spirit are on “meta” levels. I think about thinking about thinking about sort of thing. i feel about feeling about feeling etc.

What i am saying only matters to us insofar as, if you don’t look – or, if you are only open to seeing what you recognize, then you miss me. And, if you don’t see me, you cannot participate in creating me. And, if not this, and if I’m not doing all the same with you, then there remain’s little of us in the other.

If I can’t more and more see myself in you, or at least my efforts in you, and vice versa, then our connections remain purely transactional. This is shallow to me and I am much greater, i believe you are much greater, and I hoped we could make something greater.

I feel like we are an airplane – but we cannot take off because as soon as you saw wheels you assumed and insisted we were merely a car.

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Why is it that girls can fall out of love so totally and quickly? Why does their adoration never return once it is gone?

I’m actually going to spoil the suspense and begin with my conclusion on this issue.

In general, for us guys, love does not involve idolization. We don’t have to convince ourselves that a girl is king of the world and the very source of magic in our reality. Not to say men never obsess about a girl, but their obsession is to have her, it’s irrelevant if she’s a super hero or not.

We don’t want you to be supernaturally magnificent, and we don’t want to make you feel like you are – a thing that I think girls do sometimes to manipulate men into loving them.

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So, if we don’t want a wonder goddess who walks on water, what in the hell do guys want. Easy question, I will tell you, guys want to be yours. We are vastly less picky, perhaps to as much a degree more rational (stop, don’t fight, we won’t go there).

We want devotion and to be needed, wanted, claimed. And you girls know this, and many girls who are not so conscientious, use our nature to fuck with heads and manipulate. It is so easy: be shifty about your loyalty, make it as confusing as possible for him to discern if you are his, and only his, just give him conflicting messages as to where the hell your devotion is.

Of course, such tactics will fail, you’ll lose thee strong and sound men: most guys can be spun upside down, for a while by such games, but the honest and strong will know you jacked with their head, betrayed by way of mind fuck, and will never love you.

We digress, so back to why guys don’t lose love, go cold, switch off like you girls. We never mistook you for a god, or for a super-human even, so our perception of you can’t be shattered by any realization that you’re not at all as wonderful as we thought.

We probably thought your boobs are nice – something about you attracts us obviously, and we begin loving you to the extent that you devote to us, commit.  Nothing that attracted us to you is  going to change so fast that we suddenly lose the love – suddenly have no interest.

But with girls – their men have to be put on a pedestal (why would anyone be worthy of their love if they weren’t bursting with greatness and unfathomable awesomeness?)

The more amazing you’ve built the image of your man up to be, the faster you’re going to be utterly uninterested when you wake up from the fantastic delusion that’s been paved as your insurance for choosing him.