What I think Is Extra Fun About Women: Selective Morality & Prudence depending on How Hot they Think You are & How Much They want to F&CK you. Or, Is there more to it?

Perhaps it is the same way for men, but it seems like a lot of girls adjust their rules based on how hot they think a guy is. I’ve always accepted the obvious assumption, that attraction and desire often have the power to overwhelm one’s moral or cultural convictions.

But there are some interesting aspects about this that suggest it may not be so simple. I wonder, is it just about attractiveness, or could a guy’s hotness not actually be the objective? Could it be a convenient excuse for girls to bend their own rules and accomplish some other, higher desire?

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Let’s look at a few situations where I’ve seen people shape-shift their fundamental rules with particular attention to elements that contradict the assumption that it is attraction compelling people to redraw their boundaries.


I’ve seen a girl keep her boyfriend waiting for two years, because her chastity was so important, just to lose it her last month in high school to one of the more popular athletes. No, she wasn’t passed out, she wasn’t drugged, and I think her boyfriend was the only person at our school who didn’t know what happened – at the party where she gave it up.

(By the way,  her boyfriend was not at the party with her because he was out of the state attending a grandparent’s funeral).

And, I’m glad you noticed, I played no part in the scandal, hands are clean this time, I mean, I did have sex with her too, but not until years later.

In the mean time, I ran into the boyfriend at a restaurant, Macayo’s, a couple years after high school. I really wanted to tell him everything, but decided it might hurt him more than help. I wonder how much he ever found out.

But was it just the guy’s good looks and popularity that compelled her to give up her virginity, risk her relationship, and reshape her reputation? It is hard to believe, isn’t it? And, she was attractive, so even if the guy she slept with was a little bit out of her league, she certainly could have found a fairly handsome guy to trade up to if she wanted a more handsome or popular boyfriend.

Are there any other aspects of the situation, besides a chance with a member of the school’s A group? Her boyfriend was not around. There was a little bit of drinking. Most of the girls probably dreamed for an opportunity to be the focus of that guy’s affection, so even if they called her a slut, few would probably blame her for her actions. .

Let’s hold on to these thoughts and look at some more examples.


I had this friend who I met when I first got to college. She was brilliantly smart and had an amazing body, but we were both too cool and cautious, and having too much fun with being single, to become a couple – we were so cool, that we would hardly admit we wanted each other. The cool thing was, from the window of my dorm room, I could see the entrance to her dorm;  there were outside stairs up to a door to the second floor of her dorm – it was near her room, so she’d always return through it.

This is where almost all of her dates would follow, right up to the door, drooling with hopes of getting anything. Nobody got through that door. She had many dates. When she wasn’t at a sorority  function, she was usually being wined and dined by the many wealthy men wanting to impress her around Los Angeles. Both of us lived in honors dorms, neither of us studied.

I had already studied this kind of thing, the moment I met her I knew what none of her suitors seemed to get – Denise was a tease and built her self esteem off of guys wanting her. And, more importantly, she got off on denying them – NOT getting off with them. The way She dressed and acted, who would believe she was still a virgin.

For much of my freshman year I’d watch her dates walk her up to that door. I never saw her give more than a peck to a single one of them. I’d have a shot and throw on some cologne because most of the time she’d head over to my room soon after; when she didn’t, I’d go to hers.

The only Ferrari I drove during college was hers, her and her sister each got their own as a high school graduation present. I didn’t have the money that some of her dates and “boyfriends” spent on her – but I had her asking me to teach her how to give me head after they dropped her off, and a couple years later, yes she held out that long, I had her virginity, she asked me to take it.

Yes, this does relate to the discussion, I think. The point is that she prided herself on her virginity and practically defined herself by being a tease and not putting out, but she changed her whole cosmology because of chemistry?

This story  is even more inconsistent to theory than the first. While there was wild chemistry between us and Denise did have a strong attraction to me, she had so many pursuers to choose from, there had to have been plenty who were hotter than i was, no way was I this girls only decent option, she could have scored far hotter I’m sure.

So, what else about the situation was abnormal or remarkable?  Here’s something, I never made my intentions or desire for her public; most of our love affair was our little secret. Few of her friends knew about our dorm room rendezvous; also, I never interfered with or raised issue about her highly active dating life.

Let’s let those thoughts bake a bit and look at one more example before seeing if we can assemble any theories.


In high school I ended up the writer and director of our class play each year. After our class had won the competition for the first two years, I had accrued some power over the project; I was head honcho, just like a big-time Hollywood producer, if you substitute in geeky school kids for gorgeous, famous actors, and replace brilliant, Tarantino-esq scripts with cliche-riddled gibberish.

But, evidently I had assumed enough power to decide I needed a personal assistant, secretary, so I appointed one. It is possible she was the only one who volunteered, don’t remember. She was sort of cute in the most unpopular, not-trying-at-all, extremely Mormon, never-kissed-a-guy sort of way.

Actually, she did have a BINO (boyfriend in name only) that went to her church, she said they had kissed once and she shared with me her predicament – the guy had been pressuring her for more kissing. Don’t be skeptical, I’m’ not making this shit up! Have you not known any deeply brainwashed committed, adorably naive teenage Mormons?

Through the years I have come to appreciate Mormons, and a little naive innocents – let’s  be generous and call it goodness.

It isn’t a stretch to say that I was out of her league in terms of high school desirability; had she not been thrust into the spotlight as my important, personal secretary, we probably would have never had a conversation. Relax, I’m not bragging, this distinction is critical to what what we’re analyzing.

So, this girl Tamarin .. (WHAT?, I didn’t name her – she’s Mormon, give her a break) .. anyway, Tamarin had kissed a guy once, I’d wager there wasn’t an abundance of tongue involved, but by our third play writing session, she was grabbing my cock with one hand and taking notes with the other. Sort of.

It was strange, we just pretended like nothing  was happening. The first couple times she just sort of rested her hand on me while I was half way hard, at least. We never took it out. We never kissed or did anything else that would obviate something intimate or imprudent was happening. It became our routine, she’d hold onto my cock every time we met up.

After a couple times, she moved her hand and rubbed my cock just enough to make me cum, and going forward, that part was incorporated  into our meetups. A few times I got so turned on that I did pull her pants down to see her in panties, or touch here ass, that was the farthest it went. She wasn’t getting touched, or coming, or anything really – not sure what she was getting out of it – if anything, but she did it every time.

She acted like nothing was happening, but a couple times I saw her almost get worked up and show signs of being really turned on. It was hurting my cock because I couldn’t take it out of my jeans, so after a few painful times, I thought I would try wearing sweat pants. I was worried about avoiding the pain and it didn’t occur to me until we got started, that the sweatpants were closer to wearing nothing than they were to wearing jeans. My shape, and contours were all available. She actually looked down and stroked a little, she let out a few deep breaths, and a few of the times she looked right down at me while I came – saw the wet spot  grow as my cum seeped through.

Tamarin was concerned about too many kisses, and a few weeks later, hand jobs were routine, – did she change her boundaries because she thought I was hot – or, hotter than her normal catch?

Again, like with the other stories, it is hard to give physical attraction so much credit. Are there any other unique or remarkable factors in this story, that might contribute to a more reasonable explanation?

A couple aspects stand out – similar to some we’ve identified in the other two situations. For one, there were no witnesses – I would bet that to this day she has not told a living soul what she did. Nobody from her world ever know if she didn’t tell them; for all anyone would know, her morals had never bent. And, we didn’t fool around in any normal ways, we basically pretended like what we were doing wasn’t happening, so it wouldn’t be so hard over time convince oneself to believe nothing really happened.

What does all this mean?

These are just three examples, but they bare similarities to other situations that have happened to me or that I’ve heard about.

I’m going to suggest that physical attraction alone is not enough to compel a girl to move her more solid boundaries. I do believe that physical attraction is critical and the boundaries would not shift without that factor, but there has to also be a second factor. I think the second factor is “rollback-ability.”

Thesis Statement:

People will stretch their boundaries or redefine their morality, if (a) there is enough incentive to do so (physical attraction) and (b) when the situation is such that will allow the boundaries to be restored.

If we are to stretch our boundaries without permanent damage to our moral integrity, we must either break free where nobody who counts on us keeping our prudence, can see us dismiss it. The situation offers determinant containment, or, the situation in itself must provide an excuse or authority with enough weight to pardon such a reprieve from principle.

And in some cases, I believe people let go of themselves in situations they know will force a re-evaluation. Perhaps we break ourselves into some situations that we believe will elevate us to places that paint over where we were, we move to a different world, what we broke or betrayed doesn’t exist anymore, unmaking is efficient fixing.

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What are you looking for reader, you want carnage & pain don’t you – to see the ugly parts – see me demolished, dismembered, crucified, naked, scorned, shamed and weeping. Emotionally circumcised.

Seriously, is that not it? Okay, so you might be more likely to “like” a short clever poem that you need not even open up to read. Yes, you might enjoy a short warm fuzzy sentiment if you have time. But, none of it really matters, right? It’s not about us, or if not about solving our immediate problem,  we’ll nod but aren’t really that interested, right?

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Unless it is profoundly true, and brutally awful: totally demoralized, or ruined in shame, or exposed and humiliated, destroyed, now that might be worth your time; if we’re talking brutal carnage of the soul here, for real, fuck yea, “HELLO,” .. “READING” bring it. Fucking destruction .. depravity works too – but it better be real depravity, I’m not wasting my time for your fantasy life – unless it destroyed you, then tell me.

Isn’t that kind of pandering for readers?

Otherwise, you’re going to be “imagining” for readers. But, no it is not pandering, because tragedy and depravity has to be real – the kind that I’ll bother reading about at least, and truth doesn’t pander. And, it doesn’t get read unless there’s severe destruction or damaging consequences.

But I don’t want to destroy myself.

And I don”t want to read this boring dribble, seriously go to hell, that would be more interesting. No destruction, no read.

How about depravity, didn’t you say something about that, maybe I could do that?

We don’t do depravity, that tells me right their you’re going to fake it. If you had any, you’d show it to us, and then die. Then we’d read. You don’t have anything fucked up enough going on, the only tragedy here is when I die if I read much more.

Every life is a tragedy, I think. It’s already there waiting for us all.

Then why do I need to read about this from you, if we all have this tragedy, I’ll go read my own damn tragedy. You aren’t even smart, tell me, why am I wasting my time with this? oh, that’s right, was just going leave and find an old phone book to read, much much more interesting.

I have video of my oldest sister  masturbating  while watching a private video my ex and I made of us fucking. (no, there’s no incest)

To bad, that would be depraved enough to keep my attention for a minute. Way to fool yourself, though, what do you think it is when your sister is watching you while masturbating, and you watched her do it? Come on down, because you just won a ticket to incest-vile sicko.

Wasn’t like that, exactly, you’re fucked up, I would never want to fuck family, you sick fuck,

Now it’s’ my fault, if that’s helps. Where did this incest happen?

It wasn’t incest, it happened in our apartment while we were on vacation, sister was house sitting our cat. Enough on that, should never have brought it up.

It got me to give a shit about reading, and you’d bring it up again if it would keep me reading. Speaking of which, I’m going to go read the instructions on label of the paper towel role I just bought, unless you’ve got anything else disastrous enough to read.

I saw a guy die once, flew out of a jeep in accident, right in front of us.

Boring, he’s already dead, let’s see some dying from you.

Again, I think I’m a little more comfortable with the depraved angle than the death and destruction.

Bring it then, I’m about to go read about paint insurance.

I got a hand job about everyday during my Senior year of highs school, none from my girlfriend. I think there was a couple weeks I didn’t because I got sick with mono.

Meh, the incest was better. Where, after school?

During school. Some at night too – during school related functions, but at school everyday.

Okay, that’s a little bit depraved. Save that thought, but probably not, still pretty boring and nobody’s getting hurt or destroyed.

I never found my soul mate, and will never get to be a father, and my life is a  failure?

Bingo, now I’m’ following.

 

Date Boners: Tonight I Had a Teenage Dork Moment

Once in a while I’ll have a flash back: not a flashback of a memory, more like my body will forget I’m no longer a teenager.  Which is strange – there’s been plenty of time for this fact to sink in.

You might be wondering, “what’s so bad about that? Who wouldn’t want to feel like a young teen again – for a moment at least? Answer, someone who never knows when such a flash back will happen – and when it always seems to happen at the most inconvenient time.

For example, on a first date with someone – like I was tonight. Have you ever gotten turned on by something so minor that you felt like a total dork? or, horny dog? or, creepy god forbid?

Tonight was so ridiculous. Safe to say I’ve seen enough girls in panties – plenty without for that matter – there’s no excuse for tonight’s reaction. I’m avoiding the details, it’s embarrassing – but here you go…

We were at this bar/restaurant playing pool and talking – very comfortable and innocent situation. The “incident” came up so fast and randomly.

She mentioned she worked  just a couple blocks away from where we were. I told her she should have told me – I could have met earlier so she wouldn’t have had to go home and back. (her home is a ways – over five miles, maybe ten. )

She said, “No, it’s fine, I had to go home and date prep anyway.”

I ask her what she meant by date prep. She rattled of some things.. wash up, have a glass of wine, feed dog, etc. etc… “and put on some pretty underwear of course.”

I was just wanting to verify I heard the last part correctly, and asked, “you put on some pretty underwear?”

“Yea, see,” she said. And she pulls her pants down her hip a bit – flashing me the strap of her panties.

I ask her to show me again – because I wanted to seem more it was too fast to see. The bar was empty (Wednesday) and we were off in the corner – nobody else was in a position to see. Then it happened. She pulled the front of her pants out and down, giving me quick full frontal view of her in her panties: yes, they were “pretty underwear.”

They looked like this:

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It was innocent enough; perhaps you had to be there, but in context it wasn’t sleazy – not as inappropriate as it probably sounds.

What was inappropriate, is that my body had one of these flash backs, and ridiculously, i got a boner.

I know, right? What grown man gets a boner over a two second panty flash? Answer, you’re looking at him. Or, you would be if you were here.

Which shall I finish up first? Here are the sexy highlights.

I am about 3/4th done writing the following three books – to be subsequent volumes of The Sinner Saint Diary

I can’t decide which to focus on and finish up first, so I decided to ask for a vote.

Which book shall I finish up first?

Please read the following summaries, and then vote on which I should publish next. Thank you.

Gina – renting bottom floor from wealthy medical student.

True Story about the one year, one month, and two days I rented the first floor apartment, in the huge beach house, from a friend of a friend of my ex girlfriend’s.

Gina was a third year medical school student who’d taken ownership of her wealthy family’s beach house, and I was getting booted out of my girlfriend’s house and needed a cool place to go.

Things were winding down with my girlfriend, (ending), and she stumbled upon an option – a place to go. Interesting things happened while I was living in Gina’s house, my first floor apartment there was more like a luxury spa.

Highlights include:

  • My will power breaks down and I take Gina’s panties from a load of clothes she had drying, and masturbate into them. I find a big toy in Gina’s underwear drawer while trying to return the panties.
  • An unexpected, complicating resolve to several months of sexual tension.
  • Gina has a party, and ex Morgan and other friends from Dare I are there. At the end, Gina and I share some drunken confessions.

 

The roommates: Renting a room in a condo, Living with Judy and Jayme

This true story started when I moved back to LA for a job and needed a place to
live in a hurry. I found a place through Craig’s list. It was a 3 bedroom, two story, two bath condo that two girls were living in. One of the girls, Judy, owned the condo, her parents helped her buy it the year before, and she needed to rent out the third room in order to afford the payments.

The other tenant, Jayme, was the daughter of friends of Judy’s parents. (so, sort of a friend). She was spending a lot of nights with her boyfriend, and Judy was looking for another tenant, in case Jayme moved out to live with her boyfriend.

My time living with these two lasted just over eleven months, but remains unforgettably.  Things started getting interesting when the owner Jenny met a guy and started having him over, unbeknownst to her boyfriend. I could hear her on the other side of my wall.  Eventually, the three of us got entangled, and the story becomes complicated and super hot.

Highlights:

  • Hearing my straight laced landlord, Judy, having sex – and orgasms – with a guy she started having over and cheating with.
  • Seeing Jayme lick Judy’s ass – first time I ever saw a woman lick another like in such a way.

 

Dare 2: Living and being crazy with Morgan.

Morgan and I end up dating – I move in with her for a while. Our relationship was crazy and unique. We continued the dare game, defined our relationship by it even, and wild, hot, craziness ensues.

highlights include:

  • Morgan’s cleaning crew talking in Spanish after I did Morgan’s dare to streak naked in front of them. I knew Spanish and listened over intercom.
  • The massage experiments where Morgan and I conduct a study, and have a contest, around getting happy endings from massages.
  • Paula, from Dare I, staying with us after a big fight with her husband Rick.

 

Part Five: Vegas Trip

I made us Gin and tonics.  At first, we looked out over the town, quietly. I used the time to figure out what to do – what was happening.

I talked with Terry for a bit while Perlah used my bathroom. She’d just celebrated her 40th birthday, was divorced and had one son starting his first year at UNLV. She talked about what it’s been like living by herself for the first time. Terry was candid – talked about how ironic that she’s been getting hit on for twenty years, and now that she got the house to herself and can have sex anytime she wants, there’s nobody around to fuck. She had recently added a couple toys to her “collection.”

Perlah returned before I’d heard Terry’s complete life story and all her secrets.

“Terry’s finally got her house to herself and evidently she can’t find someone to, um, help her appreciate her new privacy,” I said.

(What? She shared all this personal stuff, why can’t I discuss it?)

Judging by her response, Perlah had already been briefed on Terry’s situation.

I wasn’t feeling too sorry for Terry –  she was quintessential “MILF” – she was already appearing in fantasies and bucket lists all over the world. And, I’m sure many guys would fuck her just to see her breasts. Yes, by “many guys,” I mean, me.

It was around 1:30 when Perlah reminded us that she was expected to be getting off work at 2.

“I should probably leave by 2:30, or 2:45 the very latest.”

I thought it was A fairly generous allowance given her situation.

“Unless…” I schemed, “Maybe they are having you work a second shift to cover for the other dealer who got sick?”‘

“He knows that wouldn’t happen.”

“Speaking of leaving,” Terry said, “I think I’ll be going. Do you want me to walk with you to get an Uber Perlah, or are you good?”

I almost asked Terry to show me her tits –  but thankfully I caught the idea before it left my mouth.

(Yes, I too think it’s a bit shallow for a grown man to fixate upon a woman’s knockers.. in fact, I have often wrestled with this question: is it shallow or immoral to want a woman’s body, and if so, how much reason, other than her boobs, do I need in order to  want someone’s tits without being shallow? None at all according to author Alain de Botton  – who talks about sexual attraction on this youtube video..

Alain thinks we shouldn’t discount physical attraction nor feel shallow or ashamed for appreciating someone’s exterior; because we’re essentially reading their “inside” – identifying and appreciating deeper aspects of a person; furthermore, Alain argues that appreciating, or wanting someone’s body, is how our minds unconsciously read a a person’s genetic history and can predict the healthiness probability of their future offspring.

To explain attraction, Alain suggests that we are all looking for whatever our subconscious feels it lacks from childhood, and we feel attraction when we sense that someone might have it; we desire people who can fulfill our emotional dependencies – basically looking for “a fix,” to to cope with the unconscious trauma of our earliest years. Ultimately, what we’re all just looking for on a deep, subconscious level –  including me by wanting to see Terry’s huge tits, is equilibrium. According to Alain anyway.)

“Sure you don’t want another drink?” I asked.

“Tempting, but I should probably get going….”

Perlah walked out my door with Terry and for a moment I thought she might leave with her. They were talking for a few minutes, I could here but not make out what was being said. I was preparing myself for the worst.
Finally, Perlah came back in.

to be continued – see next post for part five