Close friendships with someone of the opposite sex – if you don’t fuck them you’ll lose their heart to someone who does.

Happy thesis, right?

I wish it wasn’t so, but if your best friend is the opposite sex don’t kid yourself, unless you are fucking them, they’ll have a new best friend as soon as someone else is.

Which is how it should be –  probably, we should be best friends with our significant others.

Even if you and your once best friend aren’t fucking, so being best friends is no longer practical,  it’s not so bad, you can at least be good, close friends, right?

Wrong.

You might send them a Christmas card, text them a painful “hello, hope you are well”  now and then…

It’s no revelation, we’ve been debating forever, whether guys and girls can be friends, but how often are we honest about the answer to this question?

The honest answer is that men and women can only be friends, independent of significant others, if they are fucking.  And that’s just a maybe. Most of us would probably have a few more active, rewarding friendships if this law-of-nature weren’t in place.

Before you light up my comments with disagreement, let’s  acknowledge the obvious solution: become friends with their lover, and them with yours, and as couples you can have some meaningful friendship experiences – discussions –  with this friend of the opposite sex.

But, you won’t be up late confiding one-on-one, won’t be sharing things nobody else knows, won’t be forging any packs or plans, won’t  be friends independent of the significant others.

I submit to you – the world’s congress of common sense, a proposal, to resolve the question once and for all.

Can a straight man and woman share a close, platonic friendship?

Hell no!

But, if that won’t do, how about this:

Men and women can be close friends,  if neither of them have a significant other,  [OR], they occasionally fuck each other’s brains out, and have done so prior to meeting their significant others.

which happens, never.

which means that,

Men and women cannot be friends.

I see some of you ….

You are scowling, smirking, disgusted that I make such an obtuse, sexist claim.

Bring it! I’m scowling back! Give me one exception? I challenge anyone to submit a single, verifiable instance of a close, long term friendship between a straight man and women, who don’t fuck, and each have significant others.

Whispers to readers: they won’t find one, it doesn’t exist  – is not possible – but, let’s drink wine and watch as they scour.

Now, if we can just settle the nonsense, get over it, and talk about the interesting parts…

Did we all miss the huge, fat, [“FUCKING“] clause of said, proposed resolution?

Let’s talk about that!

 

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Girls, if you want to bleach your ass – as with wanting fake tits – you’re missing the point and harming your own cause.

Okay, yes, there is a small contingent of drunk, juvenile men – who probably frequent “Hooters” restaurant – who are too mesmerized by the spectacle of big boobs to notice if the boobs look real or feel fake: these guys probably play a lot of Xbox – maybe watch (not play) a lot of football. Ask them about Amway,  alien abduction and their beer bellies, they’ll probably be “all in” for those too.

But, my point is not to disparage shallow men – they’ve got enough to contend with. I wish to save some woman out there, from giving up several thousand dollars to at best be less desirable, and at worst, disfigured or facing premature expiration

Here is the not so secret reality about what men like – for those to whom it is so non-obvious, they’d pay large sums of money to some quack, to mutilate their body.

Similar to a little, clueless, puppy dog who will slobber over himself, in a trance, following a ball you wave in front of him, the type of guys who you’ll mesmerize with a huge set of fake tits, are those with low conscientiousness, or those who’s perceptions are as genuine, cliche and immature as the last five shallow movies they’ve seen

The dirty little obvious secret, is that guys like that which is girl. which includes, vulnerability, authenticity and yes, imperfection. Nobody is fooled into thinking fake tits are real. How about this, why not get some big silicone tits that are five feet wide, how could you go wrong and not have every man you meet, drooling over you and throwing money at you; with tits that big – big, hard, fake, unnaturally shaped, mutilated silicone tits, how can you lose?

And, for you strippers out there (and I love you don’t even dare get me wrong) you are fools for thinking guys throw more money at fake tits. Very Very wrong. The real money, comes from real guys, who like real tits.

which brings us to the bleaching of the anus issue. Oh my god, has the world freaking gone insane, are all the women of the world going to have morphed into god damn dudes or fake robots soon?

Think about it girls – even you porn stars who must show a lot of ass – why do you think guys like ass? Why do they like to see it, fuck it, lick it, finger it – or pretty much do whatever you decide to let them do with it?

Do you think it’s because it looks like a belly button? Ummm, because it looks like the opening to an ear? or, because it looks like a newborn baby bum? I’m going to go with answer D, BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE AN ASS YOU SILLY GIRL! The only thing that bleaching your ass does, is make it look less like an ass, and you defeat the whole damn purpose and hotness of ass.

I hope I’ve been of some help. Please put 1/2 of what you were about to spend on fake tits or ass bleaching in an envelope and send it to Sinner Saint Diary for saving you half the money you almost wasted on being half as attractive.

Loves you,

D

 

Well we have it: 100% unanimous reader vote as to which book to finish up next.

I believe this is the first unanimous reader poll (which received more than a few responses) that I’ve ever conducted.  Was it the ass licking part? LOL, hey, that would be reason enough to get my vote!

I’d planned on needing to give the Which shall I finish up first? poll more time time than this, but given that literally, exactly, completely 100% of the respondents voted in favor of  The Roommates, the directive is clear. 

(BTW, damn good choice, the story is arguably the hottest and most interesting I have to tell)

Thank you all for helping me me find direction with this.

Next up for publication:

The roommates: Renting a room in a condo, Living with Judy and Jayme

This true story started when I moved back to LA for a job and needed a place to live in a hurry. I found a place through Craig’s list. It was a 3 bedroom, two story, two bath condo that two girls were living in. One of the girls, Judy, owned the condo, her parents helped her buy it the year before, and she needed to rent out the third room in order to afford the payments.

The other tenant, Jayme, was the daughter of friends of Judy’s parents. (so, sort of a friend). She was spending a lot of nights with her boyfriend, and Judy was looking for another tenant, in case Jayme moved out to live with her boyfriend.

My time living with these two lasted just over eleven months, but was unforgettable.  Things started getting interesting when the owner Jenny met a guy and started having him over, unbeknownst to her boyfriend. I could hear her on the other side of my wall.  Eventually, the three of us got entangled, and the story becomes complicated and super hot.

Highlights:

  • Hearing my straight laced landlord, Judy, having sex – and orgasms – with a guy she started having over and cheating with.

  • Seeing Jayme lick Judy’s ass – first time I ever saw a woman lick another in such a way.