Dear Tinder, it is not you, it’s me. Here is why I am leaving you.

Dear Tinder,

I wish I had a deep, meaningful explanation to give you, but the truth is harshly simplistic.

I don’t want to catch diseases from women sleeping with tons of dudes they meet on tinder, and I don’t like to use condoms, I hate them.

PLEASE LISTEN EVERYBODY – I am not saying people should not use condoms, I think they should be used when strangers fuck strangers. I am saying I hate them, and would rather not have sex than use them. I am not advocating that anyone have unprotected sex.

Besides, what the hell, dating sites use to have normal people, now it’s fine to have a drink somewhere then go fuck? Or just a dinner, then  go fuck? Or, the last time, calamari and a glass of wine, then to her house? What in the freaking hell is wrong with the world, when the world is making even me look like a prude?

 

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Why is it that girls can fall out of love so totally and quickly? Why does their adoration never return once it is gone?

I’m actually going to spoil the suspense and begin with my conclusion on this issue.

In general, for us guys, love does not involve idolization. We don’t have to convince ourselves that a girl is king of the world and the very source of magic in our reality. Not to say men never obsess about a girl, but their obsession is to have her, it’s irrelevant if she’s a super hero or not.

We don’t want you to be supernaturally magnificent, and we don’t want to make you feel like you are – a thing that I think girls do sometimes to manipulate men into loving them.

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So, if we don’t want a wonder goddess who walks on water, what in the hell do guys want. Easy question, I will tell you, guys want to be yours. We are vastly less picky, perhaps to as much a degree more rational (stop, don’t fight, we won’t go there).

We want devotion and to be needed, wanted, claimed. And you girls know this, and many girls who are not so conscientious, use our nature to fuck with heads and manipulate. It is so easy: be shifty about your loyalty, make it as confusing as possible for him to discern if you are his, and only his, just give him conflicting messages as to where the hell your devotion is.

Of course, such tactics will fail, you’ll lose thee strong and sound men: most guys can be spun upside down, for a while by such games, but the honest and strong will know you jacked with their head, betrayed by way of mind fuck, and will never love you.

We digress, so back to why guys don’t lose love, go cold, switch off like you girls. We never mistook you for a god, or for a super-human even, so our perception of you can’t be shattered by any realization that you’re not at all as wonderful as we thought.

We probably thought your boobs are nice – something about you attracts us obviously, and we begin loving you to the extent that you devote to us, commit.  Nothing that attracted us to you is  going to change so fast that we suddenly lose the love – suddenly have no interest.

But with girls – their men have to be put on a pedestal (why would anyone be worthy of their love if they weren’t bursting with greatness and unfathomable awesomeness?)

The more amazing you’ve built the image of your man up to be, the faster you’re going to be utterly uninterested when you wake up from the fantastic delusion that’s been paved as your insurance for choosing him.

 

 

 

 

OHHHH, Holy shit, that’s why facebook is awesome.

Okay, please understand that I am a slow starter (sometimes termed, slow learner) but through brute force if nothing else, eventually catch up.

so I’ve avoided facebook like, but have missed all these people from my past, and couldn’t find them. This morning I just type their name into facebook, and what the fuck, I’m chatting with them.

Can you all please  clue me in a bit earlier in the game next time?

wow, this is a trip.

 

Suffering, Broken, Alone or Worse, Dear You…

No words can take suffering away from you or any of us. But when we suffer long – especially if we suffer alone – or worse, suffer because we’re alone , we might feel there is something “extra” wrong with ourselves: and this makes it worse.

You think…

“I’ve been suffering so long; most people – normal people – they don’t find themselves in situations like this. Not only is life dark and grim, because I am in this pain, but unlike most everybody else, there’s something fundamentally wrong with me – I must be inadequate – have flaws that normal people don’t have. Here is me – there is everyone else.

Here is where I have some good news – perhaps you can lean on this to help you get through your suffering.

The pain you feel – this suffering  – the loneliness

The harder you are suffering, the more you are connected to the world, the past, and everyone else alive. Right now, everyone else who has felt alone or hopeless, who is out of options or might be dying; everyone who is confused or scared, their arms are around you.

The ages are sympathizing; you are experiencing truer depths of your truth & the honesty of being. You are receiving gifts of humility; you are stockpiling heaps of gratitude that you can shower upon everyone – sing out as love upon the better places you’ll be going.

I’m suffering. I’m with you. The universe holds our destiny, but we share this time, this moment and the beautiful innocence in hurting. We are vulnerable together and not suffering alone.

Dirty Little Secret: Sex with anyone gets boring fast, we all get ugly, and it gets gross, & your marriage is doomed, unless.

Stop. Don’t even bother trying to deceive yourself about it. it doesn’t matter how amazing hot your lover is. if you’ve  been with them for over a year, the physical aspect of sex – including your lover’s body, is beginning to bore you to death.

As hard as it may be to hear, boredom and callousing  attraction threaten the success, even survival of your relationship.

The question is: If even the hottest people do not remain exciting for very long,  and it is critical to the success of our marriage that they remain not-boring, what the hell can we do?

But the deeper questions are: If the hottest mates become just as unexciting, why does attractiveness play such a significant role in mate selection?

Screw those questions, a better one would be: how much of an advantage do you have, how better is your chance for  happiness (or mere pleasure), if you’re hotter looking?

But then the thing is: hotness does not last, have you seen Richard Gere lately? Yikes. Oh no, even the hottest get taken down  by the latest. Gwyneth, Meg, Val, and eventually everyone no matter how physically breathtaking we are.

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Val Kilmar was

GWYNETH-PALTROW

MADONNA

and this …

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to…

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BELIEVE me, I am not posting these examples to be mean or to disparage these fine people. I am making the point that everybody gets taken down eventually; the most arrogant guy who stole your girlfriend and that stunning girl who breezed through her teens and twenties, with any guy she chose – and all her whims payed for – she’s going down, time is gonna cabbash that shit, toot sweet.


 

Before we talk about counter measures,  let’s back up a bit and discuss the problem.

My girlfriends give us a a fair cross section of data to look at for this issue: some people have a type that they are attracted to; by the variety of girlfriends I have been attracted to, evidently I do not. Before I grew older and uglier, there were a few girlfriends who were fashion-model hot – one of them was literally a model, and after a year, all of the very hottest were no more arousing than than the most nondescript.

Physical attractiveness does just what it sounds like – attracts.  Statistics have shown that when men have an affair, the other women are usually less physically attractive than their wives. (by the way, the reverse is true for woman who usually choose a man who is  physically superior to their spouse).

We know men are more visual, so why would they place less emphases on looks when selecting who to cheat with, while attractiveness is more pertinent to  a woman’s choice of paramour? (see The Sexy Son Hypothesis)

Remind me to write a post on, “Women are more likely to cheat up, while men are more likely to cheat around. “

so,

I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell  you that the few women who never got boring where completely unattractive. They were good looking , no question; however, they were not the most attractive physically, by large margin.

So what was it?  What was the secret sauce? Both were intelligent; one was very extroverted and positive while the “sushi waitress” was more introspective and serious.  ** Both had strong sex drivers – higher than they would have preferred I think, and both were compelled to take risks to accommodate their needs.  **

WAIT!  To the fundamentalists and Christians reading, please don’t run off just yet, you may be surprise and pleased with where this is going.

First, please plug your ears as we have to talk about sex for a second.

The dirty, dirty little secret to what makes another person stimulating, are the very things that none of us (THINK) we would want in a relationship. The sacred scrolls on the subject, if there were such a thing, would etch out the following four aspects of what makes for hot, sexual alchemy.

1. inaccessibility.

2.  Risk.

3. Breach of boundary.

4.  Vulnerability.

to be continued … P & J just showed up.

 

 

 

Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

If you have read a bit of this blog, you probably know that I’ve accidentally hooked up with a few married people. Shut-up – don’t clear your throat – how rude.

In this episode of our cheating series, I wish to share my experience in order to help not sleep with the wrong married people, if you every accidentally do.

If you have been reading the Sinner Saint Diary for a while, you may have noticed that there are not a lot of re-occurring roles, for the married women I have written about. There’s a reason why this doesn’t happen, I’ve gotten my heart broken and learned a few lessons.

Not to not sleep with 1: Don’t sleep with a married person if they aren’t separated or at least wrapping up a divorce. If you do, make it a one time event: don’t date them or make it a routine. And for God’s sake, don’t fall in love with them.

Yes, I know, you have no interested nor intention of falling in love with a married person – I’ve been there too; funny thing about nature, when people fuck regularly, love happens.

But, it’s different with this person you’ve been seeing, right? Perhaps because…

“They don’t even love their (husband/wife), they just can’t leave yet because (insert reason here – financial, kids, spouse is sick, weather is bad, etc)

“They have not slept with their spouse in years, it is basically a roommate situation…”

“We knew it from the moment we met, we are soul mates and we are meant to be, their marriage is just a temporary obstacle on our road to true love bliss…”

These reasons are compelling, I know because I have bought in to them too. I could have saved some heartache had I known: if a person is ready, able and open –  to giving their heart to you or anyone other than their spouse, they would be gone or in the process of leaving.

Maybe they love you, but if they are not determined to end their marriage, there is likely a reason why – and the same reason will prevent their feelings from outlasting the initial infatuation.

BUT: Should you accidentally sleep with them once, good chance it will be really really great! Unless, they stray from their marriage often – which brings us to the next type of married person not to sleep with.

“But, they have an open marriage, sort of, so what’s the harm? They’re just looking for sex and so am I.”

Who to Not to sleep with 2: Are you looking for a disease? Or, shallow encounters that make you feel like you just used a human being as a masturbation device? or, them you?

If the person and their spouse are both into polyamory or whatever the fuck, perhaps it is better – but then it’s not really cheating; however, if the person is cheating with a variety of people, behind their spouses back, is that what you are looking for? someone dishonest, cheap and unavailable?

reader: Fuck this blog! Like I really need more negativity or lectures about things I shouldn’t be doing. #not, #overit, #lickmeDontpreachme

I think I will unfollow — this bullshit is bringing me down!

Hold on a damn second, I’m not finished, so calm the fuck down. And keep reading.

… Are we calm?

Um, Why are you touching yourself there?

Okay, where was I? Yes, was getting to the “how to not sleep with the right married people section,” happy?

Who is better to not sleep with: The Beluga of married persons to hookup with, are those undergoing a temporary separation: You’ve probably heard me comment on this before – for good reason, there’s only one reason for the “temporary separation” … actually there are two – and both are good news for you:

1. The married person wants to fuck someone else (you) so bad, they incurred the expense and went through the drama to  move out of their damn home.

2. They were not getting any “on the side” before the separation, and won’t be getting any when the separations ends – or else they would not have to move out to “separate.” 

For anyone fooling themselves, who thinks a temporary separation is not so the married person can screw their brains out for a short time without having to account for it, you must be the spouse of one, and it’s better you know the truth.

There is the same danger of falling in love with the separated married person – don’t do it. They are probably even less likely to leave their marriage for you. They’ll rock your world and wreck you – all in a few months time – and by the time you come back to, they’ll be back with their spouse and all but forgotten you.

It is one of those laws of marital nature, if they go through all the trouble of a temporary separation, they are strongly committed. And, they are doing it because they want to fuck, Period!

They will never admit it and will likely take what you do with them to their grave, while their spouse thinks they were reading self help books and focusing on “getting healthy.” 

And now for the very worst and very best married person you should not sleep with…

Worst person to not sleep with: While you avoid sleeping with married people, avoid double the married person who’s been living on their own for any significant amount of time and no divorce papers have been signed.

This situation comes with the most risk and the least reward. There is some reason why divorce still has not happened; it must be a strong reason, or it would have!- How many happy, safe reasons can you think of – as to why a person would live alone for a long time without divorce?

Exactly, it’s creepy. Besides, they’ve had their freedom for a while, and getting a slice is no big thing; they have already been through their fucking-like-a-rabid-teenage-Rabbit-phase.

Perhaps they want your help to extricate them from their abusive husband Guido? or, their borderline psycho wife Haterknifeloveress, how happy would that fun be?

Very Best Person to not ever sleep with: We will end up on an up note and talk about the very best married person to accidentally sleep with…

But first!

I just remembered…

Another consideration: This is a caveat to the best option: While the penultimate accident to fall upon, can be with a person who’s ink is still fresh on the divorce papers – if they were not in favor of ending their marriage, especially if they were cheated on, prepare for tears in place or orgasms.

Why you ask?

Think back to relationships you have ended and those who have ended you. Were you not over the one’s you ended much faster? And, when you’ve been let go, did it not sort of make you want them even more? Their mind will be on them and they don’t want to fuck, if they do it’s stick it to their ex.

But with the non-jilted spouse who just wants out…

Did you ever go to disneyland as a child? Remember the anticipation in the car when the first ride had been spotted? Or, remember what the last hour of class before summer vacation used to feel like – how it seemed to last an eternity? All the energy you felt – perhaps a fog of euphoria – when you  broke free and the limitlessness and freedom of summer began?

Fair enough, you might get the dirtier sex from the separated spouse or the one trapped for life in a sexless marriage. But, you and the the almost unchained, will have hopeful, laughing sex.. and they will soon be available if you accidentally fall head over heals.


Cheating Series:

Cheating: Issues, Questions & Implications of shifting attitudes towards marital infidelity.
Cheating Part II: How much flirtation is healthy and when does it become infidelity?
Cheating III: Sex in Head, Mental Infidelity
Cheating IV: Anatomy of Infidelity
Cheating Part V: Loopholes, Free Zones and Grey Areas.
Cheating VII: Time Warp Infidelity – Sex After or Before the Relationship?
Cheating 7: When You Stumble Upon Much Better Sex Outside Your Relationship
Cheating 8: Is it Really Sex or affection we Want or is Cheating a Settlement?
Cheating 9: Considering Special Features in Defense of Sexual Infidelity
Cheating 10: Looking for a bit of fun before spilling the beans
Cheating XI: How Not to Sleep With Married People

Why oh why, Eight Heartbreaking Questions About Love and Lust

  1. Why do the ones we wish to impress the most, appreciate us the least – and those we desire the most, always desire someone else?

  2. Why do bad suspicions usually turn out to be true – while high hopes so often do not?

  3. Why do they never change for the better – and the more you try to convince them to – the worse they become?

  4. Why are we most attracted to those most unavailable?

  5. Why are the ones who crave sex and like it the naughtiest – always gay or crazy?

  6. Why does the best sex come after the worst fights – and, do the biggest fights come after the worst sex? If so, shouldn’t that lead back around to the best sex again?

  7. Why do we have to run away before they’ll want us – but if it works and they run after us, we no longer want them?

  8. Why is the brother or sister always hotter than the brother or sister we end up with?

Close friendships with someone of the opposite sex – if you don’t fuck them you’ll lose their heart to someone who does.

Happy thesis, right?

I wish it wasn’t so, but if your best friend is the opposite sex don’t kid yourself, unless you are fucking them, they’ll have a new best friend as soon as someone else is.

Which is how it should be –  probably, we should be best friends with our significant others.

Even if you and your once best friend aren’t fucking, so being best friends is no longer practical,  it’s not so bad, you can at least be good, close friends, right?

Wrong.

You might send them a Christmas card, text them a painful “hello, hope you are well”  now and then…

It’s no revelation, we’ve been debating forever, whether guys and girls can be friends, but how often are we honest about the answer to this question?

The honest answer is that men and women can only be friends, independent of significant others, if they are fucking.  And that’s just a maybe. Most of us would probably have a few more active, rewarding friendships if this law-of-nature weren’t in place.

Before you light up my comments with disagreement, let’s  acknowledge the obvious solution: become friends with their lover, and them with yours, and as couples you can have some meaningful friendship experiences – discussions –  with this friend of the opposite sex.

But, you won’t be up late confiding one-on-one, won’t be sharing things nobody else knows, won’t be forging any packs or plans, won’t  be friends independent of the significant others.

I submit to you – the world’s congress of common sense, a proposal, to resolve the question once and for all.

Can a straight man and woman share a close, platonic friendship?

Hell no!

But, if that won’t do, how about this:

Men and women can be close friends,  if neither of them have a significant other,  [OR], they occasionally fuck each other’s brains out, and have done so prior to meeting their significant others.

which happens, never.

which means that,

Men and women cannot be friends.

I see some of you ….

You are scowling, smirking, disgusted that I make such an obtuse, sexist claim.

Bring it! I’m scowling back! Give me one exception? I challenge anyone to submit a single, verifiable instance of a close, long term friendship between a straight man and women, who don’t fuck, and each have significant others.

Whispers to readers: they won’t find one, it doesn’t exist  – is not possible – but, let’s drink wine and watch as they scour.

Now, if we can just settle the nonsense, get over it, and talk about the interesting parts…

Did we all miss the huge, fat, [“FUCKING“] clause of said, proposed resolution?

Let’s talk about that!

 

Girls, if you want to bleach your ass – as with wanting fake tits – you’re missing the point and harming your own cause.

Okay, yes, there is a small contingent of drunk, juvenile men – who probably frequent “Hooters” restaurant – who are too mesmerized by the spectacle of big boobs to notice if the boobs look real or feel fake: these guys probably play a lot of Xbox – maybe watch (not play) a lot of football. Ask them about Amway,  alien abduction and their beer bellies, they’ll probably be “all in” for those too.

But, my point is not to disparage shallow men – they’ve got enough to contend with. I wish to save some woman out there, from giving up several thousand dollars to at best be less desirable, and at worst, disfigured or facing premature expiration

Here is the not so secret reality about what men like – for those to whom it is so non-obvious, they’d pay large sums of money to some quack, to mutilate their body.

Similar to a little, clueless, puppy dog who will slobber over himself, in a trance, following a ball you wave in front of him, the type of guys who you’ll mesmerize with a huge set of fake tits, are those with low conscientiousness, or those who’s perceptions are as genuine, cliche and immature as the last five shallow movies they’ve seen

The dirty little obvious secret, is that guys like that which is girl. which includes, vulnerability, authenticity and yes, imperfection. Nobody is fooled into thinking fake tits are real. How about this, why not get some big silicone tits that are five feet wide, how could you go wrong and not have every man you meet, drooling over you and throwing money at you; with tits that big – big, hard, fake, unnaturally shaped, mutilated silicone tits, how can you lose?

And, for you strippers out there (and I love you don’t even dare get me wrong) you are fools for thinking guys throw more money at fake tits. Very Very wrong. The real money, comes from real guys, who like real tits.

which brings us to the bleaching of the anus issue. Oh my god, has the world freaking gone insane, are all the women of the world going to have morphed into god damn dudes or fake robots soon?

Think about it girls – even you porn stars who must show a lot of ass – why do you think guys like ass? Why do they like to see it, fuck it, lick it, finger it – or pretty much do whatever you decide to let them do with it?

Do you think it’s because it looks like a belly button? Ummm, because it looks like the opening to an ear? or, because it looks like a newborn baby bum? I’m going to go with answer D, BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE AN ASS YOU SILLY GIRL! The only thing that bleaching your ass does, is make it look less like an ass, and you defeat the whole damn purpose and hotness of ass.

I hope I’ve been of some help. Please put 1/2 of what you were about to spend on fake tits or ass bleaching in an envelope and send it to Sinner Saint Diary for saving you half the money you almost wasted on being half as attractive.

Loves you,

D

 

Well we have it: 100% unanimous reader vote as to which book to finish up next.

I believe this is the first unanimous reader poll (which received more than a few responses) that I’ve ever conducted.  Was it the ass licking part? LOL, hey, that would be reason enough to get my vote!

I’d planned on needing to give the Which shall I finish up first? poll more time time than this, but given that literally, exactly, completely 100% of the respondents voted in favor of  The Roommates, the directive is clear. 

(BTW, damn good choice, the story is arguably the hottest and most interesting I have to tell)

Thank you all for helping me me find direction with this.

Next up for publication:

The roommates: Renting a room in a condo, Living with Judy and Jayme

This true story started when I moved back to LA for a job and needed a place to live in a hurry. I found a place through Craig’s list. It was a 3 bedroom, two story, two bath condo that two girls were living in. One of the girls, Judy, owned the condo, her parents helped her buy it the year before, and she needed to rent out the third room in order to afford the payments.

The other tenant, Jayme, was the daughter of friends of Judy’s parents. (so, sort of a friend). She was spending a lot of nights with her boyfriend, and Judy was looking for another tenant, in case Jayme moved out to live with her boyfriend.

My time living with these two lasted just over eleven months, but was unforgettable.  Things started getting interesting when the owner Jenny met a guy and started having him over, unbeknownst to her boyfriend. I could hear her on the other side of my wall.  Eventually, the three of us got entangled, and the story becomes complicated and super hot.

Highlights:

  • Hearing my straight laced landlord, Judy, having sex – and orgasms – with a guy she started having over and cheating with.

  • Seeing Jayme lick Judy’s ass – first time I ever saw a woman lick another in such a way.