In younger years when my optimism was less eroded, openness was the whole point, and it was easy: it was my focus, all that mattered; as long as the feed was directly what I was feeling – communication was obvious and relatively effortless.
And now, not for lack of sincerity or wishful thinking, i lose my mind. I lose my heart for a while – to wherever it goes to cry, break, die.
When parts of me are doing the hiding, I suck. The writing means nothing, I’m not engaging, I am voiceless, pointless and withering. I know, It is most sound not to think in absolutes – nobody is all bad or all good; we’re not superhuman; most of us aren’t brilliant, but have our moments – most not simple, but sometimes we expose a shameful flaw, give away an ignorance.
Are we all so unsteady? am I just crazy? Why do I lose touch for periods of time?
I wish there was God.
I hope there is a God.
I am sorry for writing crap and faking it these times when I cannot find myself and have nothing else for you.