Sooo.. Mexico part 5 & What is Really Going on When People Take a Break from Marriage.

Just tuning in? This story starts here -> Cheating Series XIII: what happened in Mexico last week & Why Separation or “breaks” in Marriage Might be a Super Ridiculous idea.

Let’s consider some points on marital separation before we move on with the Mexico trip.

I shared the following view about “breaks from marriage,” at the start of this discussion.

Thesis: Couples  rarely use breaks from marriage for the sake of their marriage – it’s’ a decoy – a cover story. The real reason is to lesson the pain of – or dodge the guilt from what they actually want to do: if they want a break, they either want to cheat or want out of the marriage, or both.

If I’m right, that “separation” is usually a decoy for other intentions, is the real motive as simple as wanting extramarital sex or divorce?

Perhaps there are deeper motives that accompany such intentions.

“A new research paper from the University of Texas argues that women have affairs as a way of testing for superior partners. The so-called “mate-switching hypothesis,” argues professor David Buss..” (

Sheri, like most others i have met who were separated, was undecided, if not ambiguous about when and whether she would be rejoining her husband. How will things change, and what would be learned that would inform such a decision? Probably nothing, my guess.

Actually, she will know one thing that she didn’t know before the separation: if there are any opportunities to trade up, or “mate-switch” as the hypothesis refers to.

There is no need to separate if it is just sex someone is after, no need to get a temporary separation for it. Sometimes people ask for divorce or become permanently separated for whatever reason, and in some cases, I think people want to soften the blow to their spouse, or the guilt that they feel. They separate as a way to ease out of the relationship.

But seriously…

I think most of the time, women take a break from marriage for the same reason I think Sheri did: to take a few test drives before the window of child rearing begins to close, and see if they might be able trade up.

Of course it is more complicated, and a less than ideal spouse has to do with bringing about the situation. That said, if I may be get back to the less complicated aspects – if she has good orgasms on any of these test drives, she’s much less likely to return to her husband. This statement isn’t as ridiculous nor “such a male thing to say” as you may think. There’s a growing amount of research that supports such crass notions.

Here is one theory about the evolutionary significance of female orgasms. (some have posited that there are several parallel purposes, this would be my guess. Sperm retention, mate selection and to increase the male’s sperm volume would be my top guesses – formal studies still pending. )

“It’s (orgasm) a way of helping women to identify high-quality mates. An alternative theory is that the female orgasm serves as a feedback mechanism that provides women with information about the reproductive potential and quality of their partners.

.. and if you think it is ridiculous to suggest that a woman’s marriage could depend, in anyway, on something so carnal, the following is a serious study that measures a variety of factors that correlate with frequency and strength of a woman’s orgasm: Broad shoulders, the guy’s symmetry, and his affluence to mention a few.  Guess which factor came in last? “How much the participants loved their partner showed the very lowest correlation to the women’s’ sexual satisfaction. Much higher towards the top, “orgasm intensity, and number of orgasms per encounter.” (duh)

“It is interesting that when one ranks the factors that predicted female sexual satisfaction, how much they loved their partner comes in far behind partner attractiveness, orgasm intensity, and number of orgasms per encounter. ”


Getting to the marrow of it…

There is something that all separated women have in common, at least everyone I have ever met: they all have sex while separated. No, not all with me, but every last one was fucking somebody. Try to prove me wrong, you won’t, because it happens 100% of the time.

Why are we talking about women? Besides the fact that I prefer to? Because men don’t ask for separations, do they? And they shouldn’t, because the wives will get way more action; unless you want to give other men a taste, you might wish to think twice. about agreeing to such an idea.

Here are a few posts where  a number of poor husbands ask for advice about their wives who want some of this “space” from marriage…

Little do these guys know, not only will their wives be having sex, it’s probably the main reason for the separation; and sex will likely be nastier than it is has ever been with these husbands.

Nobody goes through all the drama of asking for some time off marriage, and actually pull it off – snookering their spouse into agreeing to it, just so they can do some yoga and clear their head.  The plan is to  to try on some long-time fantasies and take measurement her current mate value. It will require experimentation, testing limits, and bundling whatever is most naughty into the situation.

Putting it all together…

Perhaps what separation does most, is provide obfuscation for whatever, even more scandalous things people can bundle in with their separations. Our culture has a context for “separation,” and it isn’t necessarily viewed as shameful. The “optics,” are less favorable, if one announces that they want to take a break from marriage to have nasty, primal sex with a few, or a bunch of men for a few months; much more palatable to “take a break” and “enjoy some space,” to, “get one’s head together


now back to Mexico, please next post coming soon.