Dirty Little Secret: Sex with anyone gets boring fast, we all get ugly, and it gets gross, & your marriage is doomed, unless.

Stop. Don’t even bother trying to deceive yourself about it. it doesn’t matter how amazing hot your lover is. if you’ve  been with them for over a year, the physical aspect of sex – including your lover’s body, is beginning to bore you to death.

As hard as it may be to hear, boredom and callousing  attraction threaten the success, even survival of your relationship.

The question is: If even the hottest people do not remain exciting for very long,  and it is critical to the success of our marriage that they remain not-boring, what the hell can we do?

But the deeper questions are: If the hottest mates become just as unexciting, why does attractiveness play such a significant role in mate selection?

Screw those questions, a better one would be: how much of an advantage do you have, how better is your chance for  happiness (or mere pleasure), if you’re hotter looking?

But then the thing is: hotness does not last, have you seen Richard Gere lately? Yikes. Oh no, even the hottest get taken down  by the latest. Gwyneth, Meg, Val, and eventually everyone no matter how physically breathtaking we are.

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Val Kilmar was

GWYNETH-PALTROW

MADONNA

and this …

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to…

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BELIEVE me, I am not posting these examples to be mean or to disparage these fine people. I am making the point that everybody gets taken down eventually; the most arrogant guy who stole your girlfriend and that stunning girl who breezed through her teens and twenties, with any guy she chose – and all her whims payed for – she’s going down, time is gonna cabbash that shit, toot sweet.


 

Before we talk about counter measures,  let’s back up a bit and discuss the problem.

My girlfriends give us a a fair cross section of data to look at for this issue: some people have a type that they are attracted to; by the variety of girlfriends I have been attracted to, evidently I do not. Before I grew older and uglier, there were a few girlfriends who were fashion-model hot – one of them was literally a model, and after a year, all of the very hottest were no more arousing than than the most nondescript.

Physical attractiveness does just what it sounds like – attracts.  Statistics have shown that when men have an affair, the other women are usually less physically attractive than their wives. (by the way, the reverse is true for woman who usually choose a man who is  physically superior to their spouse).

We know men are more visual, so why would they place less emphases on looks when selecting who to cheat with, while attractiveness is more pertinent to  a woman’s choice of paramour? (see The Sexy Son Hypothesis)

Remind me to write a post on, “Women are more likely to cheat up, while men are more likely to cheat around. “

so,

I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell  you that the few women who never got boring where completely unattractive. They were good looking , no question; however, they were not the most attractive physically, by large margin.

So what was it?  What was the secret sauce? Both were intelligent; one was very extroverted and positive while the “sushi waitress” was more introspective and serious.  ** Both had strong sex drivers – higher than they would have preferred I think, and both were compelled to take risks to accommodate their needs.  **

WAIT!  To the fundamentalists and Christians reading, please don’t run off just yet, you may be surprise and pleased with where this is going.

First, please plug your ears as we have to talk about sex for a second.

The dirty, dirty little secret to what makes another person stimulating, are the very things that none of us (THINK) we would want in a relationship. The sacred scrolls on the subject, if there were such a thing, would etch out the following four aspects of what makes for hot, sexual alchemy.

1. inaccessibility.

2.  Risk.

3. Breach of boundary.

4.  Vulnerability.

to be continued … P & J just showed up.

 

 

 

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