Knowing who we are sexually – from nothing on up: Part I – Introduction

How do we know who we are?

How do we measure our value? Do we create or do we discover ourselves? And, how can these questions possibly relate to sex?

Philosopher George Berkeley,  in the 18th century developed subjective idealism, a metaphysical theory, also referred to as, “To be is to be perceived.”  Berkeley is credited with asking the much pondered and elaborated upon question, “”If a tree falls in a forest and nobody’s around to hear it, does it make a sound?

drwart 1077

If we are trying to know ourselves, we must take as true that there is a self to know, and beyond Berkeley’s question.

What does it matter if something exists, if it doesn’t know it exists. What does it matter if something knows it exists, if it doesn’t know what it is? Or, if we know we exists, what is it that we know is existing.

Berkeley’s “tree” cannot perceive; if the tree is instead a human being and can perceive, the question gets more interesting, but would it change anything? If a person was left in the forest as a baby and grew up without anyone ever finding him, would the person know he exists? She would hear, see, smell and touch, but what would she think of herself? What would they think they were?  How self aware would they be? If they didn’t know who or what they were, or what existed, could they know they exist? Would they be an animal?

Berkeley’s theory, “to be is to be perceived,” may be be sufficient for theorizing about whether a sound exists, but with humans who can perceive themselves, is the theory sufficient? Perhaps “to be,” one only need perceive themselves; but, how does one know they are being? Perhaps, to know that oneself is being is to be perceived BY another being?

How do we know if we exists, if we don’t know who we are? Who are we and what are we that is existing is the question?

Are we what others perceive us to be? Or, do others perceive what we are –  as we become? Do we grow by imagining who we are, and then choose relationships with  those whose perception agree the most with our vision? Or, do we know ourselves by seeing other people’s perceptions of us, then grow by making adjustments?

What if who we think we are, or wish to be, is not at all what someone else is reflecting, is seeing?

We let them in for a closer look; as we fall in love and open up, show them more evidence of who we truly are, the more authority their reflection will gain upon us.  Do we try to correct their perception or by their perception try to correct our self delusion?


Dildo or Man – and You a T-shirt, What’s Your Pleasure?

No, I’m not going to just give you dick and get you off – masturbation equipment. Why reduce our expectations all the way down to mere matters of friction? I can jack off into my t-shirt and not feel weird after – how absurd it would be to use an entire human being as a cum rage.

You don’t know it yet, but you’ll feel weird to. Maybe you won’t be able to explain, but some part of you will know that you just used a whole man and all his years of living – and all those who have become a part of him, as a dildo for masturbation. And it will get you off as good dildo would – as a good dildo should have. As my t-shirt is about to.

Does there have to be love? Does it have to be serious and complicated? Do we have to be romantic? Not necessarily,  but we’ve got to be more than t-shirts and dildos. The price is high to use a whole life just for getting off – what risk will you wager for the pleasure?

Nope, we don’t have to have love or romance; you can have me for a dark secret and a sin or two.

You will pay in full. No t-shirt has ever seen half the results you’ve come looking for.

Choose My Next Post: These are Bad – Good kind of Bad; okay, One Might be Bad Bad in a Goodish way.

update: Am hoping for a few more votes on this. Please use the anonymous form below to let me know which topic you prefer. I might add a few more choices – perhaps I’ll add more choices?

I was sitting down to write only to find I have several topics in mind that I cannot choose between.

Please help me decide by anonymously selecting your choice. Given that SSD is still some what of a fledgling, be assured your vote will have great sway and very likely determine the topic.

All votes are absolutely, 100% anonymous and appreciated.

Here are four brief summaries followed by a form to select which topic you are most interested in reading about,


1. Date Boner episode II

If nothing else, I’ve always had a talent for getting an erection at the most embarrassing, random or inappropriate times. Since I have a few dozen such moments to draw upon, and it’s a relatively fun and easy topic, I am considering making it a series. This episode will tell about a very inappropriate and inopportune boner that happened on a company team-building retreat. The team building including a ropes course and the boner showed up while doing a challenge with – who else? but the bosses wife. Oh yes, she was fully aware of the situation, you won’t believe this calamity.

2. Orgasms this week in hospital basement.

If you like current story, this one is not even a week old. I have hardly spoken to this date I had over a month ago, but was at a farmers market near the hospital she works at on Sunday. I end up taking her lunch that I bought at the market, and three orgasms occurred in the basement where she worked before I left.

3. Open curtain show for neighbor

Yes, if you’ve been reading a while, that neighbor = the one with the home office over her garage in back of my house – with the direct view into my living area when blinds are open. To my surprise a date was amused by the little game the neighbor and I have had going on for a couple years now, and agreed to help me up the ante.

4. How to get a happy ending at Massage Envy.

Yes, blah blah blah, they don’t do that, impossible, that’s ridiculous…. heard it all before. Heard it from people that have worked there even. Fuck you, your wrong, it can happen – you just have to be a master massage receiver as my ex Morgan and I became during our a “study” we did on the matter. The study must be the only one of its kind – you can read about it and results from start to end in Dare II, the next publication of SSD. We both mastered the art of getting happy endings ( well my mastery of this was superior but Morgan’s talent formidable) . Anyway, yes you can get a happy ending at Massage Envy and even more unlikely places: his post will share some fascinating, and possibly useful secrets and techniques, along with one or two of the most interesting happy ending conquests.

See what I mean, good options, right? help me choose and select which of these four topics you wish to be posted next.

Thank you.

10 things I’ve learnt from being a slut

I found this post particularly true and insightful. Check out the author’s blog, Innocence Lost And Found, for many more honest, intelligent, fascinating posts and true accounts of the blogger’s life.

Innocence Lost And Found, spares no intimate details – explicit while meaningful, addicting, daring, shocking, wise, nasty and classy.
Link to Original Post on Innocence Lost And Found

1. If they like you, they will show it. If they don’t, they won’t.

If he wants to see you, he will see you.  If he likes you, he will message and definitely respond to your messages.  If he finds you attractive, he will make a move.  If he’s not into you, if he’s over you, if he’s turned off for whatever reason, he will show it.  As hard as that is to accept of someone you may like, stop making excuses and stop trying to retrace your steps to find what you did wrong – you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.  (This applies equally for men and women – my experience on the receiving side has been with men, of course, but I know damn well what it’s like having an unattractive guy interested in me.  You don’t just “forget” to reply to someone you are interested in).

2. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Spanking, threesomes, facials…these are just three of the many things that used to sound uninteresting or repulsive to me until I tried them and became a total convert.  Give it a try before you dismiss it completely – and definitely before you judge anyone else for doing it.

3. You can probably have any man you want – it may just be for the night, though.

I have been with many drop dead gorgeous men in my time – all way above my league, by the way.  This has actually been detrimental to my search for a companion, because now I can’t settle for average-looking guys anymore.  Of course, not all of these adventures have led to love or commitment, but at the very least they’ve given me a wild night and a good story.  In fact, I can’t think of a single example where I haven’t easily gotten a guy I wanted.  As a woman I have so many ways to raise my league – hair, makeup, cleavage, clothes – and I use them all for the chance to touch a beautiful man.

4. You don’t need to cum to have great sex.

Of course, being with someone who is willing and able to make you orgasm is great, but it’s nothing I can’t do myself.  Give me non-orgasmic, wild, rough sex with a gorgeous man over multiple orgasms with a skilled guy with a dad bod any day.  For me, sex is about the privilege of enjoying the body of someone I find attractive, and watching them take pleasure in me.  The sense of satisfaction and achievement gained from looking at a cum-drained and panting Adonis and thinking “I did that” is up there with the best feelings in the world.  Besides, if I want to cum, I can do it myself – quickly and efficiently – any time I want.

5. Chemistry is king, the rest is bonus.

I’ve been pursued by men who are billionaires, men who are kind and good, men doing interesting things and would definitely be good matches for me on paper.  And I’ve tried to give them a chance, but I’ve realized that I’ll never be someone who can “grow” to be attracted to someone.  Either your hotness gives me an asthma attack every time I see you, or I want to cry when you lean in to kiss me and vomit at the thought of touching you.  If we can cross that hurdle, then I can start considering all the “important” stuff, like character and bank balance.

6. Porn has way too strong an influence.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m into anal, deep throat and facials as much as the next guy, but men are ridiculously impressionable.  And many of the things that they believe to be normal sexual practice have been drip fed into their brains by porn and become more assimilated into their systems with every wank.  To the point where they get impatient and think it’s your fault if you don’t cum within five minutes of the acrobatics they’ve been led to believe is the way to a woman’s pleasure centre.  The clit is just an afterthought to hit up with a token rub every now and then.  Don’t get me wrong, I love all of it.  But if really want to make me cum, it’s as simple as a few minutes of gentle and consistent clit-stroking, without switching it up with all kinds of bells and whistles like a vaginal DJ.  It may not be entertaining for you, but that’s what it takes.

7. There’s no reigniting the spark.

Sometimes it’s a gradual thing – years of banality or irritating behaviour grinds your passion to nothing.  Sometimes it’s a one-off beat-boxing display or equally embarrassing act that turns you off.  Sometimes you realize something about them, such as a tea-like body odour or resemblance to David Walliams from which, once noticed, there’s no coming back.  But once that sexual spark is gone, the relationship is beyond repair – no matter how hot he is.

8. Every man thinks his dick is big.

Women are generally pretty aware of their flaws.  And even if it doesn’t stop us from having a good time in bed or showing off our bodies, it’s not something we would necessarily draw attention to.  I have yet to meet the man who isn’t proud of his dick.  Sometimes I see a dick so small that I can’t hide the disappointment, but I genuinely believe they interpret my expression as one of intimidation at the mightiness of their powerful member.  Guys, if your cock really is big, she’ll probably comment on it.  If she doesn’t say anything, be grateful for her politeness and check your ego.

9. In bed, kindness is more important than honesty.

Having been a victim of dishonesty from men, I cannot emphasize enough how much I value honesty and how vital it is to any meaningful relationship.  But that doesn’t mean you have to spew a gush of word vomit when it comes to your sex life.  Men like to think they are open-minded and may ask lots of questions about your experience and fantasies.  At the time it may be a turn on for them to hear you talking dirty.  Be very careful about how much you choose to share though.  Chances are their fragile egos won’t be able to deal with it and they will become obsessed to the point where it changes their opinion of you.  Keep some of it back for your friends and blog.  Also, just like “do I look fat in this?” is a loaded question, so is “is my dick big?”.  They don’t want to hear the truth.  Just say yes.

10. Size matters.

It just does.  And bigger is better – psychologically and physically.  Life is unfair.

Innocence Lost And Found

  1. If they like you, they will show it. If they don’t, they won’t.

If he wants to see you, he will see you.  If he likes you, he will message and definitely respond to your messages.  If he finds you attractive, he will make a move.  If he’s not into you, if he’s over you, if he’s turned off for whatever reason, he will show it.  As hard as that is to accept of someone you may like, stop making excuses and stop trying to retrace your steps to find what you did wrong – you can’t say the wrong thing to the right person.  (This applies equally for men and women – my experience on the receiving side has been with men, of course, but I know damn well what it’s like having an unattractive guy interested in me.  You don’t just “forget” to reply to someone you are…

View original post 976 more words

Some thoughts to a love with whom it would not work.

I know you are smart and can be very thoughtful. It seems you are somehow, for some reason, closed minded in your approach.


For example, instead of engaging with me in a process of imagining and creating ourselves, you focus on labeling, defining – diagnosing even.

Being closed to the “creating ourselves” concept would not be so bad if you were open minded  about discovering. You cling to a dimension or aspect that you recognize and draw the picture; worse yet, you tend to identify negative patterns much more than positive.

I am not a static being, i am a constantly changing and growing, evolving creation. I believe a relationship should be the same. A good portion of my thoughts and spirit are on “meta” levels. I think about thinking about thinking about sort of thing. i feel about feeling about feeling etc.

What i am saying only matters to us insofar as, if you don’t look – or, if you are only open to seeing what you recognize, then you miss me. And, if you don’t see me, you cannot participate in creating me. And, if not this, and if I’m not doing all the same with you, then there remain’s little of us in the other.

If I can’t more and more see myself in you, or at least my efforts in you, and vice versa, then our connections remain purely transactional. This is shallow to me and I am much greater, i believe you are much greater, and I hoped we could make something greater.

I feel like we are an airplane – but we cannot take off because as soon as you saw wheels you assumed and insisted we were merely a car.

Dear Tinder, it is not you, it’s me. Here is why I am leaving you.

Dear Tinder,

I wish I had a deep, meaningful explanation to give you, but the truth is harshly simplistic.

I don’t want to catch diseases from women sleeping with tons of dudes they meet on tinder, and I don’t like to use condoms, I hate them.

PLEASE LISTEN EVERYBODY – I am not saying people should not use condoms, I think they should be used when strangers fuck strangers. I am saying I hate them, and would rather not have sex than use them. I am not advocating that anyone have unprotected sex.

Besides, what the hell, dating sites use to have normal people, now it’s fine to have a drink somewhere then go fuck? Or just a dinner, then  go fuck? Or, the last time, calamari and a glass of wine, then to her house? What in the freaking hell is wrong with the world, when the world is making even me look like a prude?


Why is it that girls can fall out of love so totally and quickly? Why does their adoration never return once it is gone?

I’m actually going to spoil the suspense and begin with my conclusion on this issue.

In general, for us guys, love does not involve idolization. We don’t have to convince ourselves that a girl is king of the world and the very source of magic in our reality. Not to say men never obsess about a girl, but their obsession is to have her, it’s irrelevant if she’s a super hero or not.

We don’t want you to be supernaturally magnificent, and we don’t want to make you feel like you are – a thing that I think girls do sometimes to manipulate men into loving them.


So, if we don’t want a wonder goddess who walks on water, what in the hell do guys want. Easy question, I will tell you, guys want to be yours. We are vastly less picky, perhaps to as much a degree more rational (stop, don’t fight, we won’t go there).

We want devotion and to be needed, wanted, claimed. And you girls know this, and many girls who are not so conscientious, use our nature to fuck with heads and manipulate. It is so easy: be shifty about your loyalty, make it as confusing as possible for him to discern if you are his, and only his, just give him conflicting messages as to where the hell your devotion is.

Of course, such tactics will fail, you’ll lose thee strong and sound men: most guys can be spun upside down, for a while by such games, but the honest and strong will know you jacked with their head, betrayed by way of mind fuck, and will never love you.

We digress, so back to why guys don’t lose love, go cold, switch off like you girls. We never mistook you for a god, or for a super-human even, so our perception of you can’t be shattered by any realization that you’re not at all as wonderful as we thought.

We probably thought your boobs are nice – something about you attracts us obviously, and we begin loving you to the extent that you devote to us, commit.  Nothing that attracted us to you is  going to change so fast that we suddenly lose the love – suddenly have no interest.

But with girls – their men have to be put on a pedestal (why would anyone be worthy of their love if they weren’t bursting with greatness and unfathomable awesomeness?)

The more amazing you’ve built the image of your man up to be, the faster you’re going to be utterly uninterested when you wake up from the fantastic delusion that’s been paved as your insurance for choosing him.





OHHHH, Holy shit, that’s why facebook is awesome.

Okay, please understand that I am a slow starter (sometimes termed, slow learner) but through brute force if nothing else, eventually catch up.

so I’ve avoided facebook like, but have missed all these people from my past, and couldn’t find them. This morning I just type their name into facebook, and what the fuck, I’m chatting with them.

Can you all please  clue me in a bit earlier in the game next time?

wow, this is a trip.


What I think Is Extra Fun About Women: Selective Morality & Prudence depending on How Hot they Think You are & How Much They want to F&CK you. Or, Is there more to it?

Perhaps it is the same way for men, but it seems like a lot of girls adjust their rules based on how hot they think a guy is. I’ve always accepted the obvious assumption, that attraction and desire often have the power to overwhelm one’s moral or cultural convictions.

But there are some interesting aspects about this that suggest it may not be so simple. I wonder, is it just about attractiveness, or could a guy’s hotness not actually be the objective? Could it be a convenient excuse for girls to bend their own rules and accomplish some other, higher desire?


Let’s look at a few situations where I’ve seen people shape-shift their fundamental rules with particular attention to elements that contradict the assumption that it is attraction compelling people to redraw their boundaries.

I’ve seen a girl keep her boyfriend waiting for two years, because her chastity was so important, just to lose it her last month in high school to one of the more popular athletes. No, she wasn’t passed out, she wasn’t drugged, and I think her boyfriend was the only person at our school who didn’t know what happened – at the party where she gave it up.

(By the way,  her boyfriend was not at the party with her because he was out of the state attending a grandparent’s funeral).

And, I’m glad you noticed, I played no part in the scandal, hands are clean this time, I mean, I did have sex with her too, but not until years later.

In the mean time, I ran into the boyfriend at a restaurant, Macayo’s, a couple years after high school. I really wanted to tell him everything, but decided it might hurt him more than help. I wonder how much he ever found out.

But was it just the guy’s good looks and popularity that compelled her to give up her virginity, risk her relationship, and reshape her reputation? It is hard to believe, isn’t it? And, she was attractive, so even if the guy she slept with was a little bit out of her league, she certainly could have found a fairly handsome guy to trade up to if she wanted a more handsome or popular boyfriend.

Are there any other aspects of the situation, besides a chance with a member of the school’s A group? Her boyfriend was not around. There was a little bit of drinking. Most of the girls probably dreamed for an opportunity to be the focus of that guy’s affection, so even if they called her a slut, few would probably blame her for her actions. .

Let’s hold on to these thoughts and look at some more examples.

I had this friend who I met when I first got to college. She was brilliantly smart and had an amazing body, but we were both too cool and cautious, and having too much fun with being single, to become a couple – we were so cool, that we would hardly admit we wanted each other. The cool thing was, from the window of my dorm room, I could see the entrance to her dorm;  there were outside stairs up to a door to the second floor of her dorm – it was near her room, so she’d always return through it.

This is where almost all of her dates would follow, right up to the door, drooling with hopes of getting anything. Nobody got through that door. She had many dates. When she wasn’t at a sorority  function, she was usually being wined and dined by the many wealthy men wanting to impress her around Los Angeles. Both of us lived in honors dorms, neither of us studied.

I had already studied this kind of thing, the moment I met her I knew what none of her suitors seemed to get – Denise was a tease and built her self esteem off of guys wanting her. And, more importantly, she got off on denying them – NOT getting off with them. The way She dressed and acted, who would believe she was still a virgin.

For much of my freshman year I’d watch her dates walk her up to that door. I never saw her give more than a peck to a single one of them. I’d have a shot and throw on some cologne because most of the time she’d head over to my room soon after; when she didn’t, I’d go to hers.

The only Ferrari I drove during college was hers, her and her sister each got their own as a high school graduation present. I didn’t have the money that some of her dates and “boyfriends” spent on her – but I had her asking me to teach her how to give me head after they dropped her off, and a couple years later, yes she held out that long, I had her virginity, she asked me to take it.

Yes, this does relate to the discussion, I think. The point is that she prided herself on her virginity and practically defined herself by being a tease and not putting out, but she changed her whole cosmology because of chemistry?

This story  is even more inconsistent to theory than the first. While there was wild chemistry between us and Denise did have a strong attraction to me, she had so many pursuers to choose from, there had to have been plenty who were hotter than i was, no way was I this girls only decent option, she could have scored far hotter I’m sure.

So, what else about the situation was abnormal or remarkable?  Here’s something, I never made my intentions or desire for her public; most of our love affair was our little secret. Few of her friends knew about our dorm room rendezvous; also, I never interfered with or raised issue about her highly active dating life.

Let’s let those thoughts bake a bit and look at one more example before seeing if we can assemble any theories.

In high school I ended up the writer and director of our class play each year. After our class had won the competition for the first two years, I had accrued some power over the project; I was head honcho, just like a big-time Hollywood producer, if you substitute in geeky school kids for gorgeous, famous actors, and replace brilliant, Tarantino-esq scripts with cliche-riddled gibberish.

But, evidently I had assumed enough power to decide I needed a personal assistant, secretary, so I appointed one. It is possible she was the only one who volunteered, don’t remember. She was sort of cute in the most unpopular, not-trying-at-all, extremely Mormon, never-kissed-a-guy sort of way.

Actually, she did have a BINO (boyfriend in name only) that went to her church, she said they had kissed once and she shared with me her predicament – the guy had been pressuring her for more kissing. Don’t be skeptical, I’m’ not making this shit up! Have you not known any deeply brainwashed committed, adorably naive teenage Mormons?

Through the years I have come to appreciate Mormons, and a little naive innocents – let’s  be generous and call it goodness.

It isn’t a stretch to say that I was out of her league in terms of high school desirability; had she not been thrust into the spotlight as my important, personal secretary, we probably would have never had a conversation. Relax, I’m not bragging, this distinction is critical to what what we’re analyzing.

So, this girl Tamarin .. (WHAT?, I didn’t name her – she’s Mormon, give her a break) .. anyway, Tamarin had kissed a guy once, I’d wager there wasn’t an abundance of tongue involved, but by our third play writing session, she was grabbing my cock with one hand and taking notes with the other. Sort of.

It was strange, we just pretended like nothing  was happening. The first couple times she just sort of rested her hand on me while I was half way hard, at least. We never took it out. We never kissed or did anything else that would obviate something intimate or imprudent was happening. It became our routine, she’d hold onto my cock every time we met up.

After a couple times, she moved her hand and rubbed my cock just enough to make me cum, and going forward, that part was incorporated  into our meetups. A few times I got so turned on that I did pull her pants down to see her in panties, or touch here ass, that was the farthest it went. She wasn’t getting touched, or coming, or anything really – not sure what she was getting out of it – if anything, but she did it every time.

She acted like nothing was happening, but a couple times I saw her almost get worked up and show signs of being really turned on. It was hurting my cock because I couldn’t take it out of my jeans, so after a few painful times, I thought I would try wearing sweat pants. I was worried about avoiding the pain and it didn’t occur to me until we got started, that the sweatpants were closer to wearing nothing than they were to wearing jeans. My shape, and contours were all available. She actually looked down and stroked a little, she let out a few deep breaths, and a few of the times she looked right down at me while I came – saw the wet spot  grow as my cum seeped through.

Tamarin was concerned about too many kisses, and a few weeks later, hand jobs were routine, – did she change her boundaries because she thought I was hot – or, hotter than her normal catch?

Again, like with the other stories, it is hard to give physical attraction so much credit. Are there any other unique or remarkable factors in this story, that might contribute to a more reasonable explanation?

A couple aspects stand out – similar to some we’ve identified in the other two situations. For one, there were no witnesses – I would bet that to this day she has not told a living soul what she did. Nobody from her world ever know if she didn’t tell them; for all anyone would know, her morals had never bent. And, we didn’t fool around in any normal ways, we basically pretended like what we were doing wasn’t happening, so it wouldn’t be so hard over time convince oneself to believe nothing really happened.

What does all this mean?

These are just three examples, but they bare similarities to other situations that have happened to me or that I’ve heard about.

I’m going to suggest that physical attraction alone is not enough to compel a girl to move her more solid boundaries. I do believe that physical attraction is critical and the boundaries would not shift without that factor, but there has to also be a second factor. I think the second factor is “rollback-ability.”

Thesis Statement:

People will stretch their boundaries or redefine their morality, if (a) there is enough incentive to do so (physical attraction) and (b) when the situation is such that will allow the boundaries to be restored.

If we are to stretch our boundaries without permanent damage to our moral integrity, we must either break free where nobody who counts on us keeping our prudence, can see us dismiss it. The situation offers determinant containment, or, the situation in itself must provide an excuse or authority with enough weight to pardon such a reprieve from principle.

And in some cases, I believe people let go of themselves in situations they know will force a re-evaluation. Perhaps we break ourselves into some situations that we believe will elevate us to places that paint over where we were, we move to a different world, what we broke or betrayed doesn’t exist anymore, unmaking is efficient fixing.

What are you looking for reader, you want carnage & pain don’t you – to see the ugly parts – see me demolished, dismembered, crucified, naked, scorned, shamed and weeping. Emotionally circumcised.

Seriously, is that not it? Okay, so you might be more likely to “like” a short clever poem that you need not even open up to read. Yes, you might enjoy a short warm fuzzy sentiment if you have time. But, none of it really matters, right? It’s not about us, or if not about solving our immediate problem,  we’ll nod but aren’t really that interested, right?


Unless it is profoundly true, and brutally awful: totally demoralized, or ruined in shame, or exposed and humiliated, destroyed, now that might be worth your time; if we’re talking brutal carnage of the soul here, for real, fuck yea, “HELLO,” .. “READING” bring it. Fucking destruction .. depravity works too – but it better be real depravity, I’m not wasting my time for your fantasy life – unless it destroyed you, then tell me.

Isn’t that kind of pandering for readers?

Otherwise, you’re going to be “imagining” for readers. But, no it is not pandering, because tragedy and depravity has to be real – the kind that I’ll bother reading about at least, and truth doesn’t pander. And, it doesn’t get read unless there’s severe destruction or damaging consequences.

But I don’t want to destroy myself.

And I don”t want to read this boring dribble, seriously go to hell, that would be more interesting. No destruction, no read.

How about depravity, didn’t you say something about that, maybe I could do that?

We don’t do depravity, that tells me right their you’re going to fake it. If you had any, you’d show it to us, and then die. Then we’d read. You don’t have anything fucked up enough going on, the only tragedy here is when I die if I read much more.

Every life is a tragedy, I think. It’s already there waiting for us all.

Then why do I need to read about this from you, if we all have this tragedy, I’ll go read my own damn tragedy. You aren’t even smart, tell me, why am I wasting my time with this? oh, that’s right, was just going leave and find an old phone book to read, much much more interesting.

I have video of my oldest sister  masturbating  while watching a private video my ex and I made of us fucking. (no, there’s no incest)

To bad, that would be depraved enough to keep my attention for a minute. Way to fool yourself, though, what do you think it is when your sister is watching you while masturbating, and you watched her do it? Come on down, because you just won a ticket to incest-vile sicko.

Wasn’t like that, exactly, you’re fucked up, I would never want to fuck family, you sick fuck,

Now it’s’ my fault, if that’s helps. Where did this incest happen?

It wasn’t incest, it happened in our apartment while we were on vacation, sister was house sitting our cat. Enough on that, should never have brought it up.

It got me to give a shit about reading, and you’d bring it up again if it would keep me reading. Speaking of which, I’m going to go read the instructions on label of the paper towel role I just bought, unless you’ve got anything else disastrous enough to read.

I saw a guy die once, flew out of a jeep in accident, right in front of us.

Boring, he’s already dead, let’s see some dying from you.

Again, I think I’m a little more comfortable with the depraved angle than the death and destruction.

Bring it then, I’m about to go read about paint insurance.

I got a hand job about everyday during my Senior year of highs school, none from my girlfriend. I think there was a couple weeks I didn’t because I got sick with mono.

Meh, the incest was better. Where, after school?

During school. Some at night too – during school related functions, but at school everyday.

Okay, that’s a little bit depraved. Save that thought, but probably not, still pretty boring and nobody’s getting hurt or destroyed.

I never found my soul mate, and will never get to be a father, and my life is a  failure?

Bingo, now I’m’ following.