When was the last time you were so aroused by another that you were light headed?

Replies will be anonymously shared here on this post.

If I get three submitted answers, I will post my answer to this question.

All submissions are anonymous, no usernames will be included.



Responses -> thank you all


I think that might be what happened to me yesterday. I met this gorgeous 6ft French guy for coffee who I’d been chatting to for about four days and we really hit it off when we met so we took a chance and got a last minute hotel room. This is not a completely unique situation for me but it was more unplanned than most. Whilst we were up there I got a light headed moment and thought uh-oh what’s up with me? It passed and I thought no more of it so your posting is timely.


Dear Tinder, it is not you, it’s me. Here is why I am leaving you.

Dear Tinder,

I wish I had a deep, meaningful explanation to give you, but the truth is harshly simplistic.

I don’t want to catch diseases from women sleeping with tons of dudes they meet on tinder, and I don’t like to use condoms, I hate them.

PLEASE LISTEN EVERYBODY – I am not saying people should not use condoms, I think they should be used when strangers fuck strangers. I am saying I hate them, and would rather not have sex than use them. I am not advocating that anyone have unprotected sex.

Besides, what the hell, dating sites use to have normal people, now it’s fine to have a drink somewhere then go fuck? Or just a dinner, then  go fuck? Or, the last time, calamari and a glass of wine, then to her house? What in the freaking hell is wrong with the world, when the world is making even me look like a prude?


Why is it that girls can fall out of love so totally and quickly? Why does their adoration never return once it is gone?

I’m actually going to spoil the suspense and begin with my conclusion on this issue.

In general, for us guys, love does not involve idolization. We don’t have to convince ourselves that a girl is king of the world and the very source of magic in our reality. Not to say men never obsess about a girl, but their obsession is to have her, it’s irrelevant if she’s a super hero or not.

We don’t want you to be supernaturally magnificent, and we don’t want to make you feel like you are – a thing that I think girls do sometimes to manipulate men into loving them.


So, if we don’t want a wonder goddess who walks on water, what in the hell do guys want. Easy question, I will tell you, guys want to be yours. We are vastly less picky, perhaps to as much a degree more rational (stop, don’t fight, we won’t go there).

We want devotion and to be needed, wanted, claimed. And you girls know this, and many girls who are not so conscientious, use our nature to fuck with heads and manipulate. It is so easy: be shifty about your loyalty, make it as confusing as possible for him to discern if you are his, and only his, just give him conflicting messages as to where the hell your devotion is.

Of course, such tactics will fail, you’ll lose thee strong and sound men: most guys can be spun upside down, for a while by such games, but the honest and strong will know you jacked with their head, betrayed by way of mind fuck, and will never love you.

We digress, so back to why guys don’t lose love, go cold, switch off like you girls. We never mistook you for a god, or for a super-human even, so our perception of you can’t be shattered by any realization that you’re not at all as wonderful as we thought.

We probably thought your boobs are nice – something about you attracts us obviously, and we begin loving you to the extent that you devote to us, commit.  Nothing that attracted us to you is  going to change so fast that we suddenly lose the love – suddenly have no interest.

But with girls – their men have to be put on a pedestal (why would anyone be worthy of their love if they weren’t bursting with greatness and unfathomable awesomeness?)

The more amazing you’ve built the image of your man up to be, the faster you’re going to be utterly uninterested when you wake up from the fantastic delusion that’s been paved as your insurance for choosing him.





OHHHH, Holy shit, that’s why facebook is awesome.

Okay, please understand that I am a slow starter (sometimes termed, slow learner) but through brute force if nothing else, eventually catch up.

so I’ve avoided facebook like, but have missed all these people from my past, and couldn’t find them. This morning I just type their name into facebook, and what the fuck, I’m chatting with them.

Can you all please  clue me in a bit earlier in the game next time?

wow, this is a trip.


What I think Is Extra Fun About Women: Selective Morality & Prudence depending on How Hot they Think You are & How Much They want to F&CK you. Or, Is there more to it?

Perhaps it is the same way for men, but it seems like a lot of girls adjust their rules based on how hot they think a guy is. I’ve always accepted the obvious assumption, that attraction and desire often have the power to overwhelm one’s moral or cultural convictions.

But there are some interesting aspects about this that suggest it may not be so simple. I wonder, is it just about attractiveness, or could a guy’s hotness not actually be the objective? Could it be a convenient excuse for girls to bend their own rules and accomplish some other, higher desire?


Let’s look at a few situations where I’ve seen people shape-shift their fundamental rules with particular attention to elements that contradict the assumption that it is attraction compelling people to redraw their boundaries.

I’ve seen a girl keep her boyfriend waiting for two years, because her chastity was so important, just to lose it her last month in high school to one of the more popular athletes. No, she wasn’t passed out, she wasn’t drugged, and I think her boyfriend was the only person at our school who didn’t know what happened – at the party where she gave it up.

(By the way,  her boyfriend was not at the party with her because he was out of the state attending a grandparent’s funeral).

And, I’m glad you noticed, I played no part in the scandal, hands are clean this time, I mean, I did have sex with her too, but not until years later.

In the mean time, I ran into the boyfriend at a restaurant, Macayo’s, a couple years after high school. I really wanted to tell him everything, but decided it might hurt him more than help. I wonder how much he ever found out.

But was it just the guy’s good looks and popularity that compelled her to give up her virginity, risk her relationship, and reshape her reputation? It is hard to believe, isn’t it? And, she was attractive, so even if the guy she slept with was a little bit out of her league, she certainly could have found a fairly handsome guy to trade up to if she wanted a more handsome or popular boyfriend.

Are there any other aspects of the situation, besides a chance with a member of the school’s A group? Her boyfriend was not around. There was a little bit of drinking. Most of the girls probably dreamed for an opportunity to be the focus of that guy’s affection, so even if they called her a slut, few would probably blame her for her actions. .

Let’s hold on to these thoughts and look at some more examples.

I had this friend who I met when I first got to college. She was brilliantly smart and had an amazing body, but we were both too cool and cautious, and having too much fun with being single, to become a couple – we were so cool, that we would hardly admit we wanted each other. The cool thing was, from the window of my dorm room, I could see the entrance to her dorm;  there were outside stairs up to a door to the second floor of her dorm – it was near her room, so she’d always return through it.

This is where almost all of her dates would follow, right up to the door, drooling with hopes of getting anything. Nobody got through that door. She had many dates. When she wasn’t at a sorority  function, she was usually being wined and dined by the many wealthy men wanting to impress her around Los Angeles. Both of us lived in honors dorms, neither of us studied.

I had already studied this kind of thing, the moment I met her I knew what none of her suitors seemed to get – Denise was a tease and built her self esteem off of guys wanting her. And, more importantly, she got off on denying them – NOT getting off with them. The way She dressed and acted, who would believe she was still a virgin.

For much of my freshman year I’d watch her dates walk her up to that door. I never saw her give more than a peck to a single one of them. I’d have a shot and throw on some cologne because most of the time she’d head over to my room soon after; when she didn’t, I’d go to hers.

The only Ferrari I drove during college was hers, her and her sister each got their own as a high school graduation present. I didn’t have the money that some of her dates and “boyfriends” spent on her – but I had her asking me to teach her how to give me head after they dropped her off, and a couple years later, yes she held out that long, I had her virginity, she asked me to take it.

Yes, this does relate to the discussion, I think. The point is that she prided herself on her virginity and practically defined herself by being a tease and not putting out, but she changed her whole cosmology because of chemistry?

This story  is even more inconsistent to theory than the first. While there was wild chemistry between us and Denise did have a strong attraction to me, she had so many pursuers to choose from, there had to have been plenty who were hotter than i was, no way was I this girls only decent option, she could have scored far hotter I’m sure.

So, what else about the situation was abnormal or remarkable?  Here’s something, I never made my intentions or desire for her public; most of our love affair was our little secret. Few of her friends knew about our dorm room rendezvous; also, I never interfered with or raised issue about her highly active dating life.

Let’s let those thoughts bake a bit and look at one more example before seeing if we can assemble any theories.

In high school I ended up the writer and director of our class play each year. After our class had won the competition for the first two years, I had accrued some power over the project; I was head honcho, just like a big-time Hollywood producer, if you substitute in geeky school kids for gorgeous, famous actors, and replace brilliant, Tarantino-esq scripts with cliche-riddled gibberish.

But, evidently I had assumed enough power to decide I needed a personal assistant, secretary, so I appointed one. It is possible she was the only one who volunteered, don’t remember. She was sort of cute in the most unpopular, not-trying-at-all, extremely Mormon, never-kissed-a-guy sort of way.

Actually, she did have a BINO (boyfriend in name only) that went to her church, she said they had kissed once and she shared with me her predicament – the guy had been pressuring her for more kissing. Don’t be skeptical, I’m’ not making this shit up! Have you not known any deeply brainwashed committed, adorably naive teenage Mormons?

Through the years I have come to appreciate Mormons, and a little naive innocents – let’s  be generous and call it goodness.

It isn’t a stretch to say that I was out of her league in terms of high school desirability; had she not been thrust into the spotlight as my important, personal secretary, we probably would have never had a conversation. Relax, I’m not bragging, this distinction is critical to what what we’re analyzing.

So, this girl Tamarin .. (WHAT?, I didn’t name her – she’s Mormon, give her a break) .. anyway, Tamarin had kissed a guy once, I’d wager there wasn’t an abundance of tongue involved, but by our third play writing session, she was grabbing my cock with one hand and taking notes with the other. Sort of.

It was strange, we just pretended like nothing  was happening. The first couple times she just sort of rested her hand on me while I was half way hard, at least. We never took it out. We never kissed or did anything else that would obviate something intimate or imprudent was happening. It became our routine, she’d hold onto my cock every time we met up.

After a couple times, she moved her hand and rubbed my cock just enough to make me cum, and going forward, that part was incorporated  into our meetups. A few times I got so turned on that I did pull her pants down to see her in panties, or touch here ass, that was the farthest it went. She wasn’t getting touched, or coming, or anything really – not sure what she was getting out of it – if anything, but she did it every time.

She acted like nothing was happening, but a couple times I saw her almost get worked up and show signs of being really turned on. It was hurting my cock because I couldn’t take it out of my jeans, so after a few painful times, I thought I would try wearing sweat pants. I was worried about avoiding the pain and it didn’t occur to me until we got started, that the sweatpants were closer to wearing nothing than they were to wearing jeans. My shape, and contours were all available. She actually looked down and stroked a little, she let out a few deep breaths, and a few of the times she looked right down at me while I came – saw the wet spot  grow as my cum seeped through.

Tamarin was concerned about too many kisses, and a few weeks later, hand jobs were routine, – did she change her boundaries because she thought I was hot – or, hotter than her normal catch?

Again, like with the other stories, it is hard to give physical attraction so much credit. Are there any other unique or remarkable factors in this story, that might contribute to a more reasonable explanation?

A couple aspects stand out – similar to some we’ve identified in the other two situations. For one, there were no witnesses – I would bet that to this day she has not told a living soul what she did. Nobody from her world ever know if she didn’t tell them; for all anyone would know, her morals had never bent. And, we didn’t fool around in any normal ways, we basically pretended like what we were doing wasn’t happening, so it wouldn’t be so hard over time convince oneself to believe nothing really happened.

What does all this mean?

These are just three examples, but they bare similarities to other situations that have happened to me or that I’ve heard about.

I’m going to suggest that physical attraction alone is not enough to compel a girl to move her more solid boundaries. I do believe that physical attraction is critical and the boundaries would not shift without that factor, but there has to also be a second factor. I think the second factor is “rollback-ability.”

Thesis Statement:

People will stretch their boundaries or redefine their morality, if (a) there is enough incentive to do so (physical attraction) and (b) when the situation is such that will allow the boundaries to be restored.

If we are to stretch our boundaries without permanent damage to our moral integrity, we must either break free where nobody who counts on us keeping our prudence, can see us dismiss it. The situation offers determinant containment, or, the situation in itself must provide an excuse or authority with enough weight to pardon such a reprieve from principle.

And in some cases, I believe people let go of themselves in situations they know will force a re-evaluation. Perhaps we break ourselves into some situations that we believe will elevate us to places that paint over where we were, we move to a different world, what we broke or betrayed doesn’t exist anymore, unmaking is efficient fixing.

What are you looking for reader, you want carnage & pain don’t you – to see the ugly parts – see me demolished, dismembered, crucified, naked, scorned, shamed and weeping. Emotionally circumcised.

Seriously, is that not it? Okay, so you might be more likely to “like” a short clever poem that you need not even open up to read. Yes, you might enjoy a short warm fuzzy sentiment if you have time. But, none of it really matters, right? It’s not about us, or if not about solving our immediate problem,  we’ll nod but aren’t really that interested, right?


Unless it is profoundly true, and brutally awful: totally demoralized, or ruined in shame, or exposed and humiliated, destroyed, now that might be worth your time; if we’re talking brutal carnage of the soul here, for real, fuck yea, “HELLO,” .. “READING” bring it. Fucking destruction .. depravity works too – but it better be real depravity, I’m not wasting my time for your fantasy life – unless it destroyed you, then tell me.

Isn’t that kind of pandering for readers?

Otherwise, you’re going to be “imagining” for readers. But, no it is not pandering, because tragedy and depravity has to be real – the kind that I’ll bother reading about at least, and truth doesn’t pander. And, it doesn’t get read unless there’s severe destruction or damaging consequences.

But I don’t want to destroy myself.

And I don”t want to read this boring dribble, seriously go to hell, that would be more interesting. No destruction, no read.

How about depravity, didn’t you say something about that, maybe I could do that?

We don’t do depravity, that tells me right their you’re going to fake it. If you had any, you’d show it to us, and then die. Then we’d read. You don’t have anything fucked up enough going on, the only tragedy here is when I die if I read much more.

Every life is a tragedy, I think. It’s already there waiting for us all.

Then why do I need to read about this from you, if we all have this tragedy, I’ll go read my own damn tragedy. You aren’t even smart, tell me, why am I wasting my time with this? oh, that’s right, was just going leave and find an old phone book to read, much much more interesting.

I have video of my oldest sister  masturbating  while watching a private video my ex and I made of us fucking. (no, there’s no incest)

To bad, that would be depraved enough to keep my attention for a minute. Way to fool yourself, though, what do you think it is when your sister is watching you while masturbating, and you watched her do it? Come on down, because you just won a ticket to incest-vile sicko.

Wasn’t like that, exactly, you’re fucked up, I would never want to fuck family, you sick fuck,

Now it’s’ my fault, if that’s helps. Where did this incest happen?

It wasn’t incest, it happened in our apartment while we were on vacation, sister was house sitting our cat. Enough on that, should never have brought it up.

It got me to give a shit about reading, and you’d bring it up again if it would keep me reading. Speaking of which, I’m going to go read the instructions on label of the paper towel role I just bought, unless you’ve got anything else disastrous enough to read.

I saw a guy die once, flew out of a jeep in accident, right in front of us.

Boring, he’s already dead, let’s see some dying from you.

Again, I think I’m a little more comfortable with the depraved angle than the death and destruction.

Bring it then, I’m about to go read about paint insurance.

I got a hand job about everyday during my Senior year of highs school, none from my girlfriend. I think there was a couple weeks I didn’t because I got sick with mono.

Meh, the incest was better. Where, after school?

During school. Some at night too – during school related functions, but at school everyday.

Okay, that’s a little bit depraved. Save that thought, but probably not, still pretty boring and nobody’s getting hurt or destroyed.

I never found my soul mate, and will never get to be a father, and my life is a  failure?

Bingo, now I’m’ following.


I seems most girls agree that size doesn’t matter, I think? But the question is almost always related to Sexual Intercourse. Let’s be real, life happens when intercourse isn’t, too.

I don’t post a lot about body part fetishes. To those who aren’t particularly exited by such things, such topics can be a bit abrasive  – make some worry they’ve stumbled into a blog that is too unsophisticated = might even fear they’ll end up embarrassed that they didn’t catch the banality on first glance.


But, there are some who find the topic arousing, or interesting at least: today we celebrate you. I know there are at least the three or four of you who have suggested I do more on this topic, so here you go. But then after this post, and we’ve had our fun, we have to go back to platonic and Socratic juxtaposition of the Kama Sutra, higher minded stuff so the folks don’t think we only care about big tits and cocks, and gang bangs and tight pussy Milf cookouts.

Yet, I like to keep it real, explore the practical side. So often by reversing the normal or the obvious, things become more interesting. More arousing even. For instance, when exploring something that is fantastic or robustly explicit, I think it’s interesting to look for practical, subtle, even delicate aspects. For sure this works in the reverse: take something ultra routine or practical, something that you might not even thing to bother exploring, and then break it open, ask the indelicate questions, re-frame it magnificent .

So with the magnificent penis size question, some re-framing.’

In fact, and don’t get all disappointed just yet, we will not even ask you girls if size matters when it comes to sex.

I propose size is more relevant, matters more, when not having sex. Isn’t that mostly where big and small cocks do most of their living, and where the issue becomes more relevant?

“What the hell?” you might be saying. “What does penis size have to do with anything if it’s not being applied to some happy or disappointed vagina somewhere?”

See, we needed this discussion. Can you believe all that’s been overlooked? The question has been asked more than a billion times probably, how many times has it been asked about anything other than sex? I know, right? Blows the mind, and a big fat cock – with a little never fully developed twin cock growing out the side of it.

This is new ground – virgin exploration, so we’ll walk slowly. Size matters, Remember, we’re tying to be practical and real world scenario with this, they’ll be no jumping right into anal. Here are some other ways to frame thee question.

Does size matter to girls or guys, when looking at a penis?

We can all answer this one together, hell yes it does. Whether they’d want it in them, girls are enthralled by big cocks and like to look at them. If Jesus Christ Himself had a big cock, which God knows he certainly probably did, the Virgin Mary would want to check that thing out. Even if it’s not out and just building under some jeans, and especially if it’s outlined under a pare of grey sweat pants, people are interested, want to look. If any of you are disagreeing, sorry, I don’t believe you. Solid fact of nature.

And, us guys aren’t off the hook. Come on guys, nobody’s going to shame you, and it doesn’t make you gay, (though there’s nothing wrong with that etc. etc.). When we see a porn video, does size matter? Don’t lie guys, we want to see a freakishly big cock do damage to something it shouldn’t fit into. Am I wrong?

Does size matter to a girl the one time she and her B/F or husband end up going skinny dipping in Mexico one night when everyone got a little too drunk and excited  one night,  on couples vacation with her three best friends and their men?

Can I answer for you girls? Does it matter that your man has a big swinging sombrero post, or does it not matter if your friends and the donkeys they married saw your one inch man in all his glory? Maybe I’m just shallow and ridiculous, but It’s got to matter a little?

Does size matter when you have that first slow dance with some guy you’ve had a crush on, at his cousin’s wedding, and your heart starts racing because you think you might feel a cock against you, or is that his leg, wait what the hell, does he have a brontosaurus penis or do I just have a horny, dirty mind to think this.

From all the tails I’ve heard, it seems like it is pretty common for a penis to be inadvertently introduced. I knew this one guy, Dogen Nory I think his name was, he went on a date with a girl he met on match.com. They were  both around thirty or so – didn’t happen yesterday. It was a normal first date, dinner and a margarita or two. He walked her to her car after dinner and they shared a nice warm hug goodnight. It wasn’t a good sign, he assumed the hug was in place of any kiss he’d be getting. Then it gets funny. His date, who was a sensible, pretty girl – down to earth and not too wild, while they were still embraced in their hug, says matter of factually, “I think I feel your penis.” He went with her in her car and came back for his car the next morning.

I leave you with some other size matter questions below, to ponder and hopefully answer and discuss in the comment section.

Conclusion: From what they say,  size doesn’t matter all that much with it comes to sex. But, one wonders, does it matter when it comes to anything else?

Does size matter when you’re deciding which ones you will touch, or jack off?


Does Size matter when you are young and don’t want to have sex yet, and you’re trying to get off by dry humping?


Does size matter in your fantasies?


Does size matter more if it’s a one night stand?


Does size matter on the male model you’ll be drawing in your  life-drawing course?


Does size matter when your man does something to piss you off in front of your friends, and you can save face by telling them, “he’s lucky he’s hung like moose.”


















Suffering, Broken, Alone or Worse, Dear You…

No words can take suffering away from you or any of us. But when we suffer long – especially if we suffer alone – or worse, suffer because we’re alone , we might feel there is something “extra” wrong with ourselves: and this makes it worse.

You think…

“I’ve been suffering so long; most people – normal people – they don’t find themselves in situations like this. Not only is life dark and grim, because I am in this pain, but unlike most everybody else, there’s something fundamentally wrong with me – I must be inadequate – have flaws that normal people don’t have. Here is me – there is everyone else.

Here is where I have some good news – perhaps you can lean on this to help you get through your suffering.

The pain you feel – this suffering  – the loneliness

The harder you are suffering, the more you are connected to the world, the past, and everyone else alive. Right now, everyone else who has felt alone or hopeless, who is out of options or might be dying; everyone who is confused or scared, their arms are around you.

The ages are sympathizing; you are experiencing truer depths of your truth & the honesty of being. You are receiving gifts of humility; you are stockpiling heaps of gratitude that you can shower upon everyone – sing out as love upon the better places you’ll be going.

I’m suffering. I’m with you. The universe holds our destiny, but we share this time, this moment and the beautiful innocence in hurting. We are vulnerable together and not suffering alone.

Dirty Little Secret: Sex with anyone gets boring fast, we all get ugly, and it gets gross, & your marriage is doomed, unless.

Stop. Don’t even bother trying to deceive yourself about it. it doesn’t matter how amazing hot your lover is. if you’ve  been with them for over a year, the physical aspect of sex – including your lover’s body, is beginning to bore you to death.

As hard as it may be to hear, boredom and callousing  attraction threaten the success, even survival of your relationship.

The question is: If even the hottest people do not remain exciting for very long,  and it is critical to the success of our marriage that they remain not-boring, what the hell can we do?

But the deeper questions are: If the hottest mates become just as unexciting, why does attractiveness play such a significant role in mate selection?

Screw those questions, a better one would be: how much of an advantage do you have, how better is your chance for  happiness (or mere pleasure), if you’re hotter looking?

But then the thing is: hotness does not last, have you seen Richard Gere lately? Yikes. Oh no, even the hottest get taken down  by the latest. Gwyneth, Meg, Val, and eventually everyone no matter how physically breathtaking we are.


Val Kilmar was



and this …




BELIEVE me, I am not posting these examples to be mean or to disparage these fine people. I am making the point that everybody gets taken down eventually; the most arrogant guy who stole your girlfriend and that stunning girl who breezed through her teens and twenties, with any guy she chose – and all her whims payed for – she’s going down, time is gonna cabbash that shit, toot sweet.


Before we talk about counter measures,  let’s back up a bit and discuss the problem.

My girlfriends give us a a fair cross section of data to look at for this issue: some people have a type that they are attracted to; by the variety of girlfriends I have been attracted to, evidently I do not. Before I grew older and uglier, there were a few girlfriends who were fashion-model hot – one of them was literally a model, and after a year, all of the very hottest were no more arousing than than the most nondescript.

Physical attractiveness does just what it sounds like – attracts.  Statistics have shown that when men have an affair, the other women are usually less physically attractive than their wives. (by the way, the reverse is true for woman who usually choose a man who is  physically superior to their spouse).

We know men are more visual, so why would they place less emphases on looks when selecting who to cheat with, while attractiveness is more pertinent to  a woman’s choice of paramour? (see The Sexy Son Hypothesis)

Remind me to write a post on, “Women are more likely to cheat up, while men are more likely to cheat around. “


I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell  you that the few women who never got boring where completely unattractive. They were good looking , no question; however, they were not the most attractive physically, by large margin.

So what was it?  What was the secret sauce? Both were intelligent; one was very extroverted and positive while the “sushi waitress” was more introspective and serious.  ** Both had strong sex drivers – higher than they would have preferred I think, and both were compelled to take risks to accommodate their needs.  **

WAIT!  To the fundamentalists and Christians reading, please don’t run off just yet, you may be surprise and pleased with where this is going.

First, please plug your ears as we have to talk about sex for a second.

The dirty, dirty little secret to what makes another person stimulating, are the very things that none of us (THINK) we would want in a relationship. The sacred scrolls on the subject, if there were such a thing, would etch out the following four aspects of what makes for hot, sexual alchemy.

1. inaccessibility.

2.  Risk.

3. Breach of boundary.

4.  Vulnerability.

to be continued … P & J just showed up.